


we’ve got time on our side

by fannyann



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, M/M, popstar/uni au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-12
Updated: 2014-12-12
Packaged: 2018-03-01 03:49:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 57,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2758499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fannyann/pseuds/fannyann
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Calum meets Luke in the midst of buying new underwear. Two tours and a lot of heartache later, they finally get it right.</p>
            </blockquote>





	we’ve got time on our side

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to Sarah, Meredith, Tara, Afton, Janee and Maria for reading through this as I wrote it and encouraging me when I was absolutely sure it was a disaster and for catching my mistakes. You're all the MVPs here. 
> 
> All other mistakes are mine.

Calum needs new underwear. Or really, his mom had sent him a card for his birthday this year with money and a note at the bottom in all caps and underlined saying _please buy yourself some new underwear_ and he doesn’t like to disappoint her -- not when she’d sent him enough to do other things with as well. Michael thinks it’s ridiculous. He grumbles the whole way to the mall, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel, frustrated, “Cal, you’ve got a whole drawer full of different _holiday themed_ underwear, why the hell do you need more?”

“My mom wants me to get some,” he shrugs as Michael parks. He turns the car off and Calum looks at him, smiling, “You know I can’t just take the money she gave me and not at least pick up one pack of new underwear. Besides, what else do we have to do today?”

“Nothing. But I don’t wanna help you shop for underwear,” Michael says, opening the door and walking off toward the entrance with a bounce in his step, anyway.

“You’re so full of shit sometimes!” he says, knowing that Michael’s always excited to go to the mall -- especially when one of them actually has money to spend on things. But Michael likes to pretend and Calum doesn’t mind. “Look at you! You’re nearly _skipping_ on your way to find me new underwear. I see right through you, Mikey.”

Michael flicks him off as he passes through the door and Calum runs to catch up, jumping on his back and the two of them nearly run into an elderly couple as they pass through the doors, stumbling over each other with the force of their giggles. Calum mumbles a soft, rushed, “Sorry,” as Michael drags him through the shoe section and toward the escalators, yelling back, “Yeah, sorry!”

He turns toward Calum as they step on, mouth pressed in a line but eyes sparkling, “See what you’ve done - made us accost a nice couple shopping - all because you can’t keep your hands off me. I know I’m irresistible, Cal, but you gotta keep it together in public.”

“You’re a dick.”

“That I am. But I’m out shopping for your underwear instead of sleeping so I think I get to be.”

He is and Calum thinks that’s enough to put up with his complaining for the afternoon even if he won’t admit it, instead saying, “But I have to live with you. So I think it evens out, honestly.”

Michael scoffs, stepping onto the landing of the second floor and striding off toward the underwear section. He shakes his head softly and Calum knows that as much as Michael complains he wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.

He heads straight to the clearance section and holds up a pair of bright green underwear with a pattern of Santa hats on them and smiles widely, eyes sparkling with it, “Here, get these and we’ll be done with it.”

Calum sighs and Michael’s laugher finally bubbles over, breathing out through his giggles, “You have a pair almost exactly like this, don’t look at me like that!”

“Yeah but it’s _January_. I don’t need Christmas themed underwear now.”

Michael smirks, putting down the underwear and heading away from the clearance section, “You mean, you _never_ need Christmas themed underwear.”

“No,” Calum says laughing, “I mean I don’t need them _now_.”

Michael shakes his head, smiling reluctantly, “You’re so fucking weird.”

“Shut up! Holidays are fun!”

“Yeah, but you don’t need to advertise them around your dick!”

Michael’s laughing, loud and shoulders shaking with it and two boys passing by turn and look at them. The shorter of the two furrows his eyebrows together for a second, considering, and Calum blushes a bit at the idea of them overhearing that comment from Michael.

“Maybe. But some people might like the added cheer.”

He meant to say it quietly, but his voice lifts and there’s no missing the way the boys’ mouths turn up in smiles, the shorter one clapping his hand over his mouth in an attempt not to laugh, as Calum says it and Calum blushes harder, making Michael turn and look to see what’s caused it.

His face scrunches up in thought for a moment and then he turns back to Calum, asking quietly, “Isn’t that that guy your sister’s in love with? That Luke Hemmings guy?”

Calum looks at the two of them more carefully now. The one who had looked at Calum first - the shorter one - is wearing glasses and a wide smile, arm on the taller one’s shoulder, leaning up and saying something that Calum can’t make out but whatever it is makes the taller boy shake his head, seemingly annoyed and Calum can’t help but think he looks tired. He has his hair tucked away under a gray beanie and the bags under his eyes are the only hint of color on his face other than the bright pink of his lips.

He turns back to Michael, shrugging, “Could be. Looks a bit like him. You know, if the guy on her poster looked like he hadn’t slept in seven years. ”

Michael shrugs, too. “I think it is him. He’s got the lip ring.”

“A lot of people have lip rings, Michael.”

“Okay, but I still think it’s him!”

Calum doesn’t disagree but there’s something about Michael’s adamance that makes him want to disagree. He doesn’t get the time to, though. The next second there’s three giggling girls rushing by them, hovering a few feet away from the two boys as they continue rifling through the pile of shirts and Calum has to admit, “Okay, yeah. Think it might be him.”

He can’t take his eyes off the scene. It’s fascinating, the way the three girls bounce on the balls of their feet, too nervous to get any closer as Luke’s friend holds up shirts against Luke’s shoulders, mouthing _wow_ with each one, before dissolving into giggles as Luke’s face twists up into something between annoyance and an emotion that Calum thinks has to be fondness.

Michael throws a pair of underwear at him, the touch of the fabric against the side of his arm bringing his attention back to him and he says, “I think these are the perfect ones for that bit of ‘holiday cheer’ you’re looking for.”

He picks the pair of boxers up from where they’ve fallen back on the table and laughs. It’s a pair of bright red underwear with white lipstick prints on the left side, the phrase _I like hugs but I LOVE kisses_ written across the front in large bold letters and Calum thinks they’re ridiculous and absolutely _nothing_ like any of the ones he has back in his dresser in their dorm -- and definitely nothing like the ones he gets in his stocking at Christmas time.

“I’m not buying these,” he laughs.

Michael pouts, “Think you should.”

There’s a shriek from the girls next to them and they both look over and Calum sees that one of them has finally gotten up the courage to ask Luke for a picture and Michael says, “You should get a picture. Mali would love it.”

“No, she’d be jealous.”

“Yeah, that’s the same thing.”

The two other girls get pictures, too, the last one blushing a deep red as she asks for a kiss and Luke smiles, slow and calming and Calum’s never seen something so mesmerizing before. The way his eyes light up and the exhaustion seems to slip right off his face for the moment that he leans down and kisses her right on the cheek, smiling against her skin and it causes the girl to turn an even darker red and it’s gone in an instant. The girls are falling back, giggling their thanks and rushing out professions of love and Luke’s smile falters as they leave, the tired look firmly back in place. Calum’s stomach swoops and he feels a strong urge to make it go away -- wants to make him smile again and not look so exhausted.

That’s a weird feeling to have about someone he’s only ever seen in a shiny poster on his sister’s wall but it’s strong and when Michael raises his eyebrow with a glint of mischief in his eyes and says, “You should get him to kiss you. Mali’d have a goddamn fit,” he can’t help but nod his head and say, “ Yeah she would.”

He walks over just as they’re walking away with a pile of new shirts, and Luke’s saying, “Ashton, I don’t need all of these. I’ve got enough shirts.”

Ashton sing songs back, “You can’t start a new tour with the same dingy shirts you’ve worn the last year. It’s probably bad form or something.”

Luke smiles, laughing a little, “Is this because I wore all yours last time? You should really get better about sharing. You know it is _caring_.”

Michael clears his throat right as Ashton makes to say something back and the two of them turn around, Luke’s eyes going momentarily wide as he registers them and Calum coughs as Michael pushes him forward a bit, making him trip.

“Uh. Sorry. My sister loves you and I was just wondering - well,” he doesn’t know what’s come over him but he can’t seem to get the words out and Michael steps in, laughing, “We’d like if you could take a picture kissing his cheek so we can send it to his sister. She’s gonna lose her mind.”

Ashton blinks back at them, hand over his mouth laughing, breathing in deeply before saying, “That’s rude.”

There’s a twinkle in his eyes, though, and he can’t quite hold the laughter in so Calum doesn’t think he means it at all and Luke laughs, too, and it lights his face up and Calum thinks _Mali’s gonna kill me_.

“Yeah, alright,” Luke smiles, this time a little goofily, lips fanning out as the smile grows wider and he thinks it’s nothing like the slow, calm one from before but it’s just as good, just as pretty and he sees why his sister loves him.

He pulls his phone out of his pocket and hands it to Michael, who tilts his head to the side, saying, “Don’t do that thing you do with your tongue.”

“Shut up, Mikey,” he mumbles, smiling at the faint way Luke blushes as they step together for the picture. Luke is warm next to him, he leans in next to him and his lips are soft against Calum’s cheek and he listens to Michael, doesn’t stick his tongue out like he usually would, instead he finds himself smiling big and bright and he can see Michael staring back at him curiously as he takes the picture but he tries not to think about it.

Luke steps away after and Calum smiles, saying, “Thanks, man. Sorry to interrupt you on your day off or whatever.”

Luke shakes his head, smiling, “It’s not a problem. I hope your sister likes the picture. Tell her I said ‘hello.’”

He lingers for a moment, not saying anything after Calum assures him he will and then Ashon pulls him away, muttering under his breath, “Come on, Luke, we’ve still got rehearsals to get to later and we’ve still got stuff to buy.”

Luke sighs, finally taking his eyes away from Calum, “Why? Why can’t I just bring the clothes I already have?”

They walk away but Calum doesn’t miss the way Ashton says, “Because we’re trying to get your name out there and I don’t want you wearing the same four shirts in all your interviews.”

Michael hands his phone back to him and smiles smugly. “You look just as smitten as Mali would’ve.”

“Shut up. I do not,” he says but he looks at the picture and knows Michael has a point -- knows there’s a feeling in the pit of his stomach begging him to see Luke Hemmings again one day.

*

They get back to the their dorm two hours later and Calum sits at his desk, fingers hovering over his keyboard, resisting the urge to type _Luke Hemmings_ into the search bar. Instead, he texts Mali: _Hey what’s the name of that Hemmings guy’s album you love?_

She responds almost immediately: _He doesn’t have an album out yet. Just a couple EPs. Why?_

There’s another twist in his stomach, a bit like Mali’s in the room staring back at him with that questioning look she always gives him -- the one that says _don’t bullshit me_ \-- and Calum’s glad she’s miles away, not able to see his face as he sends off: _Just wondering. I met him today and was gonna check him out. See what all the fuss is about._

It takes her longer to respond this time and Calum can’t resist the urge anymore -- he turns away from the computer and asks Michael, “What do you know about Luke Hemmings?”

Michael doesn’t laugh but his mouth twitches up in a smile and he says, “That kiss made quite the impression on you and it wasn’t even _on the lips_.”

“Shut up. I’m just curious.”

Michael nods his head, saying sarcastically, “Of course. _Just curious_.” He pauses for a minute and Mali texts him back, Michael raising an eyebrow at the way Calum laughs as he reads: _WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU MET HIM????_

He attaches the picture, laughing harder at how he imagines she’ll react and texts back: _I mean I met him at the mall today_ , and Michael nods at Calum’s phone, grinning, “Take it you told her you met him?”

“Yeah, just sent the photo. She’s gonna freak.”

“And how’s she gonna feel when you tell her you wanna get inside his pants?”

Calum bites his lip, trying not to smile at the knowing way Michael’s looking at him and says, “Probably’d freak out about that, too. Good thing that’s not what I’m doing.”

Michael shakes his head just the slightest bit. “No, not at all," he says, pausing for the briefest moment, smiling ridiculously, “but let’s say that’s what you _were_ doing. I heard a couple people talking about him the other day in my English class. I think he’s opening for someone Friday in New York City. We could try and get tickets and go down after my class.”

Mali texts him back before he can answer, just a short, simple _i hate you :(_ and Calum laughs again, remembering the way Luke had told him to tell her he said hello, texting back _Don’t worry. He said hi to you, too._.

Michael clears his throat, bringing Calum’s attention back to him and says, “Do you want to go?”

“I don’t-”

Michael cuts him off, waving his hand in the air, “Don’t lie to me, Cal. I can see you wanna go. It’ll be fun. He’s good.”

Calum raises an eyebrow, curious again for a different reason, “You’ve listened to him?”

“Yeah, you should look him up,” then he smiles smugly, “or not. You’ve already got a crush after seeing him tired and grumpy at the mall. You’re gonna lose your mind once you see him perform.”

“Shut up. It’s not even that serious. I was just--”

“Curious. I know,” he says, mouth turning up in a smile and Calum can’t even deny it -- not with Michael -- not when he knows all of Calum’s tells.

“Fine. We’ll go. If we can get tickets. But it’s not _like that_.”

Michael nods, smiling just as smugly as he has been the entire conversation, but he doesn’t say anything else about Calum’s crush -- just laughs and says, “It’ll be a late birthday gift. It’s gonna be great.”

*

Calum refuses to look Luke up and Michael ends up being completely right -- seeing him perform definitely makes the feeling in the pit of his stomach intensify. They make it to the show a little late, Luke’s already on the stage performing and Calum’s completely captivated by how different he looks up there -- how much he shines under the lights, smile widening each time there’s a particularly loud cheer for him from the crowd.

It’s mesmerizing. The way he sings, the way he looks out at the people in the crowd not too enthused by his performance with a look in his eyes almost as if he’s asking _what am I doing wrong_ and how it slips so seamlessly into a smirk as someone in the crowd shouts out _I love you_.

He sings a cover of _Give Me Love_ and Calum’s heart hurts looking at his face and the way it’s so emotive. Michael leans over and says, voice colored in laughter, “I _told_ you he was good.”

Calum nods, not able to take his eyes away from Luke and Michael laughs harder, “I’m sure you’d like to be on the receiving end of _his love_ wouldn’t you?”

Calum pushes at his side, huffing, “Shut up. You’re being ridiculous.”

“I’m not. You’re practically drooling over him.”

The person standing in front of them turns around, shushing the two of them and Calum feels bad for a moment but then Michael’s whispering, “He is pretty hot. I see the appeal,” and Calum finally looks away from the stage, turning to see Michael staring back at him with this teasing look in his eyes.

“You’re a dick.”

Michael places a hand over his heart, pouting, “You wound me, Calum. I’m just trying to appreciate the things you do. Like any best friend would.”

The girl looks back at them again, face twisted up into something severe and Calum thinks she might actually kill them if they don’t shut up soon. Michael smiles, saying, “Sorry. We’ll keep it down. Swear.”

He does, not saying another word the rest of the time Luke plays and Calum appreciates it. It lets him get lost in Luke’s voice and the way he lights up the stage and the set ends far too soon. Luke exits the stage and Calum wants nothing more than to follow him, to find his way backstage and say hello and it’s ridiculous how much Luke has affected him -- how much he feels himself _wanting_ from Luke after meeting him once and seeing him sing for twenty minutes.

Michael pulls him away from the crowd, pushing through the scattering people at the back of the room and into the next where the bar is, muttering as he goes, “I wonder if my fake ID will work here.”

They don’t get the chance to find out, though. As they’re walking over they’re nearly bowled over by a guy with two drinks in his hand, one of them spilling down the front of Calum’s shirt in his haste to move by them. He looks up at them apologetically and Calum smiles, trying to brush it off, but the liquid is cold and it makes the fabric cling to his skin uncomfortably and this is not exactly how he’d like to spend the rest of the night. The boy blinks back at them quickly, his apology turning into a question, lips quirking up in a smile, “Hey, I’ve seen you two before. You’re the one who asked Luke for a picture for your sister, right?”

He shifts the contents of his hands around, placing the still full cup in the empty one, and reaches out his hand, shaking Calum’s, “Hi, I’m Ashton. You made quite the impression on Luke.”

“What?”

Michael sounds just as surprised as Calum feels, not able to say anything in response to Ashton at all, just looking at the way his mouth turns up more, giggling in response to Michael’s question. “He hasn’t shut up about that picture. He thought it was --”

He stalls, licking his lips in thought and then smiles, looking reluctantly charmed by whatever he’s thinking about, finishing, “He thought it was great, to say the least.”

Michael snorts, slapping at Calum’s shoulder, saying, “Look - you made an impression, too.”

Ashton’s face wrinkles up in confusion and Michael stage whispers, “Calum’s become quite the fan in the last few days.”

Ashton’s face brightens, smiling widely and saying quite proudly, “Luke does have that effect on people.”

“That he does,” Calum says, finally finding his voice.

Ashton doesn’t stop smiling and he’s nearly bouncing on his feet standing in front of them, shaking his head a little bit as if he’s trying to talk himself out of something and then he says, “You know what -- actually, here. Come with me. I’ll get you another shirt from backstage - to make up for spilling shit all over you.”

Calum shakes his head, blushing a bit with how nice Ashton’s being to him, “No, that’s not necessary. It’s no big deal.”

But Ashton won’t take no for an answer, insisting, “No really. I feel awful. I’m not usually this clumsy but Luke thinks he’s done awful so I was in a bit of hurry. So _really_ let me get you a new shirt.”

Michael gives Calum a look, raising his eyebrow, the smirk barely contained with the way he’s biting his lip and Calum doesn’t need to hear him say it to know what he’s thinking: _Don’t be an idiot. This is your chance._

“Yeah, okay.”

Ashton smiles at Calum in a way that makes him feel like this is about more than just a shirt, but he pushes that feeling away, not wanting to get too caught up in some fantasy. They follow Ashton backstage and Michael crowds in behind him, whispering, “I can’t believe your luck, Jesus Christ.”

Calum pushes back against him, smiling as Ashton leads them around a corner and into a room that looks a bit like someone threw all the contents of a suitcase out on the floor -- and when he thinks about it, that’s probably exactly what happened.

Ashton laughs as the two of them take in the room, smiling apologetically, “Sorry, Luke’s a walking tornado before shows. Always throwing shit all over. Can’t ever decide what he wants to wear.”

Luke perks up from the chair he’s curled up in, blinking lazily at the sound of Ashton talking about him, “Hey. Am not.”

He stands up, though, reaching for the shirts that are scattered around the floor and starts placing them over the armrest neatly and says softly, “Look, neat and tidy.”

Ashton barks out a laugh, “Yeah, only when I put you on blast in front of new people.”

Luke straightens up, finally noticing Calum and Michael in the room and his face colors slightly as he takes in the drying mess on Calum’s shirt and the way the fabric clings to his stomach, saying thickly, “I-- um. Hi. You’re from the mall.”

Ashton laughs again and Calum wonders if he ever stops, wonders if it’s as soothing as it sounds when it’s constantly in your life, or if it’s the novelty of just meeting him. Ashton walks over to Luke and grabs one of his shirts and says, “Luke, this is Calum --”

He trails off and turns around to Calum, questioning, “Right? I did get that right?”

Calum smiles, feeling at ease around him, saying, “Yeah,” pointing his thumb toward Michael, “and this is Michael. He’s an asshole. But he’s my asshole.”

Michael slaps his arm, laughing, “That’s rude. I’m absolutely _not_ his asshole.”

Luke looks at them curiously, eyebrows pinching together in a way that makes his face look less kind than it had moments before and Calum’s stomach twists uncomfortably, not liking the look in his face. But the next moment Ashton is saying, “Here, take this, Calum. Really sorry about spilling my drink all over you.”

He hands Luke the cups, saying, “Here, got you this. Now calm down about your show. You did great.”

Luke mumbles his thanks, not taking his eyes off Calum the entire time he strips off the wet shirt and Calum tries not to pay attention to the way the heat is pooling in his cheeks. He turns his body slightly to avoid the way Luke’s staring at him and nearly chokes in laughter at the way Michael’s staring at the scene before him smugly. Calum shakes his head, whispering softly, just for Michael, “Don’t,” and Michael just smiles innocently, “Didn’t say anything.”

Luke clears his throat as Calum turns back toward him and Ashton, saying, “That’s my shirt.”

He bites his lip and continues, “I think I like purple better on you than me.”

Michael stifles a laugh in his hand; Calum casts a quick, warning look his way and he stops, straightening up and biting his lips in an attempt not to laugh. Ashton sighs quickly, hand over his smile and Calum tries not to blush, tries not to think about what a strange thing that is to say and says, “Thanks.”

Luke blushes, a bright red coloring the apples of his cheeks and the feeling that hasn’t left the pit of Calum’s stomach once since meeting Luke flutters again. Blushing suits him and he wants nothing more than to see it again and he’s charmed when it deepens as Luke stumbles over his words, saying, “Shit. God, sorry. That’s - Ashton’s always telling me I have to get better at meeting people. That was weird. Sorry.”

The color doesn’t fade from his cheeks and Calum thinks it’s one of the nicest things he’s ever seen and he wants to know what else causes it, what would make him burn even brighter.

“It’s not weird,” he says, trying to make Luke look less embarrassed. “Loads of people tell me I look great in purple.”

Michael scoffs, “No they don’t. Who tells you that?”

Calum can feel his face heat up, blushing slightly, and he narrows his eyes at Michael, annoyed, “Loads of people do. I’m not _always_ with you.”

He raises his hand in surrender, laughing, “Alright, alright. But he’s right - you do look good in purple.”

Calum smiles smugly, “ _Thank you_.”

Michael rolls his eyes and Calum almost forgets that they’re backstage at a concert with Luke Hemmings-- the boy who’s been all his sister could talk about for the last six month, the boy who the world around him seems to be loving more and more with every passing second -- and for a moment it just feels like Calum and Michael are back at school meeting new students in the quad.

Calum shakes his head, lifting himself out of his own reverie, and turns back to Luke, smile firmly in place, “You were great tonight. Ashton’s right.”

The color deepens on Luke’s cheeks and Calum tries not to look smug but he can’t help but feel a little satisfied at having that sort of effect on someone like Luke Hemmings.

He coughs a bit and Calum’s drawn to the motion of his feet, the way he turns them in a little as he shifts his weight and how he clasps his hands behind his back, nearly gleaming as he smiles, “Thank you.”

Ashton sucks in a sharp breath, face twisting up into mild offense, laughing, “Are you serious? I tell you that every damn night and you never look at me like that.”

“It’s your job to tell me I did amazing,” Luke says, mouth twitching with the way he’s trying not to smile and Ashton throws one of the shirts he had been folding at Luke’s face and then they’re both laughing together. Luke straightens up, shoulders still shaking slightly with the laughter still in his voice and asks, “Did your sister like the show?”

“What?”

“Your sister? The one you got the picture for. Did she like the show, too?”

Calum can feel his cheeks heating and hear Michael snickering at his side and he tries to keep the fluttering feeling in his heart from affecting his voice as he says, “Oh, no. She’s - she’s not here. Mikey got me these tickets for my birthday. She couldn’t make it.”

Luke finally looks at Michael, for what feels like the first time since Ashton brought them backstage, and smiles, “That was really nice.”

Michael smiles, eye lighting up with it, “It was, wasn’t it? And to think all Calum got me for _my_ birthday was a video game.”

“You love video games!” Calum says indignantly and then they’re all laughing and somehow it doesn’t feel like they’ve just met. It feels like this is something that always happens. Something that’s just as normal as him and Michael staying up too late in the dorms and sleeping in too long. It feels easy and comfortable.

They spend the rest of the night tucked away in Luke’s disaster of a dressing room laughing at the way Ashton tries to get Luke to clean up, muttering under his breath about how they have to leave right after the show’s over and they shouldn’t save it for last minute and the way Luke just shakes his head, feet thrown over the side of his chair, smiling innocently as he says, “We’ve got company, Ash. Just sit for a minute.”

Ashton does and Calum’s entirely too charmed by how easily Luke gets along with the people who work with him and isn’t at all surprised when the night ends and his stomach twists in disappointment at having to leave. Michael and Ashton are by the door, Michael leaning in toward Ashton and whispering something to him that Calum can’t make out, but would assume is something embarrassing by the way Michael’s smirking and Ashton’s laughing. Calum shakes it off though; after all these years he’s pretty immune to Michael telling embarrassing stories about him so he turns to Luke, saying, “Thanks for letting us hang with you. It’s been fun.”

Then he plucks at the fabric of Luke’s shirt, “And thanks for this.”

He makes to take it off, to give it back and pull on the now dry one hanging in his hand but Luke just shakes his head, a small smile on his lips, “No, it’s fine. Keep it.”

Calum doesn’t fight it, he doesn’t particularly feel like giving it back so instead he says, “Maybe, we’ll see each other again one day and I can give it back.”

Luke opens his mouth to say something and then shuts it just as quickly, eyes going momentarily wide. He clears his throat and smiles, “Actually, I’ve got um- I’m playing a home show - just a small thing after this tour’s done if you’d like to. I mean, if you and Michael would like to come to that I can put your names on this list and Ashton can square it away.”

“You don’t have to do that,” he says, heart jumping at the idea of making such an impression on Luke after such a short amount of time that he’d want him at another one of his performances -- that he’d want to _leave him tickets_.

Luke smiles, eyes shining with it, saying firmly, “I’d like to though,” and Calum knows he’s got no hope at all when it comes to this guy in the slightest -- there’s just something about Luke’s face that makes Calum want to make _him_ happy.

“They say you need to make friends along the way with these things. I’d like if you came.”

Calum can’t help but laugh, trying not to get too caught up in the way Luke looks at him, instead teasing, “Oh really? Who’s ‘they?’”

Luke bites his lip, feet turning in again as he speaks, “Well, my mom. Sometimes Ashton if he’s feeling particularly parental. But mostly just my mom.”

“Well, moms usually know what they’re talking about - don’t they?”

Luke looks a bit relieved, smiling wider than before, laughing, “Yeah, I think so.”

He bites his lip, face slipping back into something nervous before asking, “Would you like to go then?”

There’s something like hope in his voice and Calum doesn’t think he could ever say no to him -- especially when he’s asking so nicely. He turns back to Michael, calling his attention away from where Ashton’s talking animatedly about what it’s like being on tour and says, “Hey Mikey, how’d you like to go to Luke’s show -- wait um--”

He stops, turning back to Luke, asking, “When is it exactly?”

“Oh right, um, the first Saturday of March.”

“Right, did you hear that Michael? The first Saturday of March - do you wanna go to another show of his?”

He tries to say it casually, tries not to let the fact that he couldn’t think of anything more he’d want to do in this moment than go to that show color his voice, tries to let Michael take control of the situation. But there’s a look in Michael’s eyes and Calum knows what he’s going to say before he even answers.

“Yeah, I’d love to.”

*

He and Luke exchange numbers before he and Michael leave that night but no matter how much he wants to text Luke, no matter how much Michael pesters him about it -- Calum can’t quite bring himself to send any of the messages he types out. That is, not until Brad from his history lecture can’t shut up about his girlfriend being in love with Luke.

He slips his phone out of his pocket and hovers over Luke’s name in his contacts, it’s been nearly two and a half weeks since he saw Luke and he’s wanted to text him every day since but something in him tells him that maybe he shouldn’t -- that maybe he should wait until Luke texts him first. But then Brad’s voice flows back to Calum, sneering, “Fuck, I hate that dude,” and Calum just can’t resist it anymore.

He types out _The guy in front of me is currently talking about how much his girlfriend loves you. He’s not too happy about it. Seems pretty pissed, actually._

He then adds, feeling playful: _But you shouldn’t worry I think you could take him._

Luke doesn’t respond immediately and as an afterthought Calum sends off a quick _Also hey_ before slipping his phone back in his pocket, trying to pay attention to the lecture and not the way his phone feels like it’s burning in his pocket with how much he wants to hear back from Luke already.

Luke doesn’t text Calum back until he’s back at his dorm trying to convince Michael to get him a burrito. He sits in his bed with his feet tucked up under him and smiles up at Michael as he thumbs open Luke’s message, saying, “Please bring me back one. They always make yours better.”

He looks down, reading, _Oh. Well maybe those boxing lessons I had will finally come in handy then_ right as Michael responds and Calum completely misses what he says, too distracted by the image of Luke sweaty and flushed while boxing that’s flooded his mind.

“What?”

Michael sighs, laughing, “I _said_ they don’t make mine any different than they make yours. But that’s not important. What’s got you looking so mystified?”

Calum shakes his head, “They do too! And nothing.”

“You’re texting Luke aren’t you?” Michael asks as he grabs for Calum’s phone and Calum reacts just quick enough to roll over on his phone and stop him from getting it but Michael doesn’t hesitate to press himself against Calum’s back and reach around him, trying to grab at the phone.

“Michael, quit it,” Calum says through his laughter, trying to push Michael off but failing, sighing under the weight of him and letting him take the phone from underneath him.

The pressure of Michael on top of him lightens as he turns over, situating himself between Calum and the wall and Calum’s body shakes with Michael’s laughter as he says, “Is this your idea of flirting?”

Calum turns over, lying on his back and snatches the phone out of Michael’s hand, rolling his eyes, “Give me that. I’m not flirting with anyone.”

“It seems like you’re trying,” Michael says, still laughing and Calum sighs, “I’m not. I’m _starting the conversation_.”

Michal raises his eyebrow, teasing, “To eventually lead to flirting?”

There’s no point in lying, they’ve known each other too long for it to be convincing, so he shrugs his shoulders, sighing, “Maybe, a little.”

“I knew you were gonna like him. I told you!”

Calum swats at Michael’s arm, smiling, “Shut up. You’re such an ass.”

“Whatever, I don’t get nearly enough chances to tell you ‘I told you so’, so I’m taking it and running with it.”

“I cannot believe you!” Calum laughs, “You have been bugging me for the last two weeks about texting him and now that I have you’re making fun of me. A shitty best friend you are.”

Michael scoffs, pushing Calum away and laughing as Calum almost rolls off the bed with the force of it, apologizing quickly, “Shit, sorry.”

“And now you’re trying to kill me! How nice of you. I’m just trying to make a new friend here and you’re out to get me.”

Calum’s joking but Michael pulls him in for a cuddle, whispering, “You’re stalling.”  
“I’m not. I’m just--”

“Stalling,” Michael finishes. He pulls him closer and Calum sinks into it, resting his head on Michael’s chest for a moment before sitting up and pressing his back against the wall, sighing, “I’m not stalling. I just don’t - I’ve forgotten how to talk to new people, maybe?”

Michael sits up, turning to where he’s sitting in front of Calum, their knees knocking against each other and he smiles, soothing, “You haven’t forgotten how to talk to people. You’re just working yourself up because you _like_ him.”

“I’m not stalling. I’m just, y’know, not moving.”

“Calum Hood, you have never been one to shy away from talking to someone, _especially_ not awkward boys. What’s got you so tongue tied this time?”

“You know he’s not a regular boy, right? It’s not just, like, this isn’t - it’s not like he’s some boy in my English class! He’s got fans! He’s on tour! My sister’s got a poster of him in her room.”

“And he wants you to come to his show. _He_ gave _you_ his number. I don't see what the problem is."

Michael makes it seem easy and maybe it is. Maybe it is just like every other friendship --every other person he's ever been interested in pursuing -- but it doesn't feel like anything else. It feels bigger somehow and maybe Michael's right -- maybe he is just working himself up because he likes him.

"The problem is Luke Hemmings is on his way to being a household name and me and you? We'll be lucky if we ever figure out what we wanna major in. That's the problem."

Michael laughs, just a small little thing, his mouth only pulling up a little with it and he says, "Both of those things are true. But I think you'll regret it if you don't see where this could take you."

Then he raises his eyebrows suggestively, laughing for real this time, "And if it doesn't work out hopefully you'll at least get to tell people you fucked a popstar."

"I have texted him one time! Let's not get ahead of ourselves here."

Michael moves to get off the bed, tapping the screen of Calum's phone as he goes, saying, "Fine. Text him again and then when this all works out in your favor, you owe me."

Calum laughs, looking back at his phone and reading: _I do think I might need more practice before being able to take someone tho_ before smiling back at Michael, saying, “Alright. Alright. Whatever. Leave me be.”

Michael doesn’t say anything more on the subject, he just asks, “Do you want a chicken or steak burrito this time?”

Calum had completely forgotten that they were making plans for lunch at the beginning of this conversation, answering, “Chicken today,” as Michael walks toward the door.

Calum doesn’t hear him leave, he’s too busy willing his heart not to beat out of his chest as he types back: _I assure you Brad has got nothing on you_.

*

After the initial text, talking to Luke is easy. It becomes almost a daily routine for them to text each other and soon he doesn’t feel much like a stranger at all and he definitely doesn’t seem like someone who has a league of fans waiting to find out his every move. He just seems like a boy with too much time at night, not enough tact in the morning and too few people to hang out with in the middle of the day. He doesn’t quite grasp the concept of Calum having class, always seems to have a different fact about each city he’s playing in, and could talk about music for hours. Calum doesn’t mind any of it, though. He likes it.

He likes waking up in the morning to five new texts from Luke during the middle of the night. He likes the way he can’t help but laugh at his jokes, no matter how awful they are or how bad he is at delivering them, and he loves the way Luke makes him feel like he’s texting a classmate instead of someone that’s got too much buzz surrounding his name without even releasing an album yet.

By the time Luke’s back in Albany and finished with the tour there is absolutely no denying that Calum _likes_ him and that makes his heart feel funny. It makes his palms sweat a little when he gets a text midway through class on Monday asking: _Do you wanna grab dinner tonight?_

_Um...tonight’s pizza night with Mikey. Tomorrow?_

He feels bad for saying no. His stomach flips and his heart hammers at the idea of disappointing Luke and before he even asks Michael, he texts back: _Or you could swing by the dorms tonight and have pizza with us if you want?_

_Yeah I’d love to. Can I bring Ashton?_

It’s not like it’s a date, it couldn’t really be one with Michael being there, but his stomach still knots up at the prospect of sharing Luke’s attention with someone like Ashton -- with someone who gets to spend an entire tour with him and will continue to get to do so when Calum’s stuck at school wondering what it is that Luke gets up to during the day.

It’s silly and it’s far too soon to be feeling jealous but Calum can’t help it. He just wants Luke to himself, already. But he’s not sure if that’s where things are yet and he knows he has to work his way up to that -- has to spend time with Luke and whoever Luke wants to bring along before he can have him to himself but that doesn’t stop him from wanting more, doesn’t stop him from frowning as he types back: _Yeah course_.

He doesn’t get the chance to look at his phone again the rest of class and he’s too nervous thinking about finally seeing Luke in person for the first time in a month that he forgets to check during his break. When he finally gets back to his dorm later that afternoon Michael’s curled up in his bed snoring and Calum doesn’t want to do anything else but nap, too, but he’s got a paper due tomorrow and a test on Wednesday and he knows that if they’re going to have people over tonight he should really try to be responsible first.

He finally checks his phone and sees that Luke’s asked where exactly Calum lives and what time they should head over and Calum smiles, shaking his head at how absurd this all is. How absurd it is that he’s inviting _Luke Hemmings_ to his dorm on a Monday night for pizza when he’s got a paper due. He tries not to psych himself out though, texting Luke the information he needs and then shutting his phone off to focus -- not wanting to be distracted by Luke who can never quite shut up long enough for Calum to get any work done once the two of them start talking.

Michael wakes up an hour later, voice groggy and hair sticking up and Calum’s nerves heighten when he says, “I think I’ve got a cold. I feel like shit.”

“Guess now’s not the time to say Luke and Ashton are coming over for pizza then?”

Michael rubs at his eyes, yawning, “What? He’s back already?”

Calum scratches at his neck, suddenly feeling very restless, “Uh yeah. Think he got back today? He wanted to go to dinner but I didn’t wanna bail on pizza night…”

“So you invited him to pizza night instead?”

Michael doesn’t look annoyed, he just sounds tired and Calum rushes out, “I can cancel. If you’re not feeling up to it. I shouldn’t - I got too excited and forgot to ask if you’d mind first. I’m sorry.”

Michael gets up and heads for the bathroom, still yawning, “It’s fine, Cal. I don’t mind. You’re the one buying anyway.”

He laughs but it’s a little hollow and Calum still isn’t sure, asking, “Are you sure? You sound like shit.”

Michael’s eyes widen comically, mouth slightly agape, “You know for someone who’s bringing _two new people_ to our sacred pizza night you sure are being a dick.”

This time his laugh is full bodied and bright and Calum feels the tension in his body dissipate, laughing with Michael, “Not my fault you look like you haven’t slept in a week.”

“I’ve got a cold! God, I hope your boyfriend hates all the pizza toppings you love.”

“Michael,” Calum warns, heart fluttering at the word boyfriend against his will and Michael smiles, “Yeah, yeah, yeah. He’s not your boyfriend. I know.”

Then his face transforms into something teasing, a little hopeful, and he says, “But maybe one day he will be and then you’ll owe me like nine pizzas for making you take that picture.”

“You’re an ass.”

Michael nods, “Yeah I am. But I’m an ass that’s helping you get laid, so.”

Calum throws his pillow at Michael right as he steps inside the bathroom, hitting the door frame instead of him and Michael closes the door with a laugh. He leaves Calum in silence -- nothing to do but work on his paper in an attempt to keep his heart from racing at the idea of seeing Luke again.

At a quarter to seven he gives up on the paper, he only has a conclusion left and he knows he can finish that later -- trusts his abilities enough to manage at least that. He turns his phone on and sees five new texts from Luke.

_Hey that’s not too far from my apartment!_

_Should I bring something tonight? Is that a thing I should do?_

_You haven’t answered so I asked Ashton and he laughed at me. I don’t know if that’s a yes or not._

_Okay. I’m just going to bring some coke._

_Not coke coke! Like you know Coke._

The last two weren’t from too long ago and before he gets a chance to answer any of them he’s phone’s lighting up with Luke’s name. He answers the phone to a frantic sounding Luke, talking quickly as he says, “I’m not trying to bring you coke! I don’t even - I’ve never done that. I swear I was just trying to be nice!”

Calum tries not to laugh, he really does, but it’s such a ridiculous thing to worry about that he can’t help it. “Luke, calm down. I didn’t think you were trying to bring me coke.”

Michael lifts his head from where he’d been resting his eyes and mouths the word _coke_ with a raised eyebrow and Calum shakes his head, still laughing as Luke says, slower and a bit more calm than before, “Oh, good. I thought- well you didn’t answer. So I got -- you know people do those things and I didn’t want you to think _I_ do those things.”

“Sorry, I was working on my paper. I had my phone off. But I assure you I didn’t think you were trying to bring me drugs. But you actually don’t have to bring anything. I’ve got the pizza. We’ve got drinks here. It’s fine.”

This time Luke definitely does sound worried as he asks, “You have a paper? Did I interrupt you? We can do this another night!”

Calum knows he should cancel, knows he should get Michael some soup and finish his conclusion and get a good night’s sleep so that he can study properly tomorrow. But Luke Hemmings wants to have dinner with him and college is the time to make poor decisions, so he straightens his desk and smooths out his comforter and hopes he can pull himself together long enough to get through the night without making a fool of himself.

“No, I want to do it tonight,” he finally answers, rolling his eyes at the way Michael raises his eyebrows suggestively from his bed and sighs in relief at the way Luke finally sounds excited about coming over when he says, “Good. Because we’re already on our way.”

*

He meets them downstairs ten minutes later and he can’t stop fidgeting with his shirt. Michael puts a hand on his shoulder and leans in to whisper, “Calm down, you look fine.”

Calum turns around, blushing, “I’m not worried about that.”

Michael fixes him with that look he does, the one Calum knows means _don’t lie to me_ and Calum falters, “Whatever. Only a little bit.”

“You still look good. You always look good. It’s fucking annoying, honestly.”

Calum laughs and Michael’s reluctant smile at complimenting him eases his nerves, makes him feel calm and collected for the first time since he got back to the dorm earlier this afternoon. The nerves shoot up again moments later when Luke and Ashton come walking around the corner, though, and Michael places the palm of his hand flat against Calum’s back and whispers, “Breathe, you idiot. You’re never gonna win him over if you freak out like one of _his_ fans.”

Calum elbows him in the stomach and Michael moves back, groaning, “Fucking hell, I’m sick and you’re beating up on me. Some best friend _you are_.”

Calum turns around, momentarily forgetting that Luke and Ashton are walking up to them -- too caught up in Michael trying to rile him up, saying, “Will you fuck off. Stop trying to work me up.”

He’s smiling, eyes lighting up with the way Calum’s looking at him and he raises his eyebrows, nodding over Calum’s shoulder before saying, “Hey Luke. Ashton. Fancy seeing you here.”

The sound of Ashton’s giggle is a lot closer than Calum expected and he turns around to see the both of them standing right in front of them, Luke with his hands behind his back, a soft smile on his lips, and Ashton’s eyes shining with his laugh, saying warmly, “Hi guys. Thanks for letting us crash your pizza night.”

Michael laughs, heading back to the dorm, “Oh, that’s all Calum. I’m dying and would have preferred to sleep.”

Calum’s laugh gets caught in his throat at the look on Luke’s face, mouth pressed in a line and eyes wide, and he rushes out, “Don’t listen to Michael. He’s an ass and would’ve been just as mad if I had cancelled.”

Ashton laughs, hurrying to catch up with Michael, casting a quick look back at the two of them before going, and it makes Calum feel like he’s not the only one who’s got a friend too involved in his life.

Luke says softly, with a hint of nervousness, “Did you - should we leave? I don’t want to intrude on something with your roommate.”

“It’s not an intrusion. Promise. Michael just gets a little snarkier than usual when he’s not feeling well. Anyway, I’ve know him for ten years and have had plenty of solo pizza nights with him. I think he can manage one with other people.”

Luke blinks back at Calum slowly, smile widening, “You’ve known him that long? That’s so cool that he’s your roommate now.”

“Yeah, it is,” Calum says, shaking his head at how nice it is to have such a strong anchor in such a new environment. He laughs a little at how lost he’d be if he didn’t have Michael, at how utterly aimless he’d feel if he didn’t have Michael there to tell him that he looks nice -- no matter how rudely he does it-- if he didn’t have Michael to make him feel easy when all he wants to do is crawl out of his skin with how much he already likes Luke, if he didn’t have Michael there to ground him when he was feeling restless and nervous.

“He’s really great but don’t tell him I said that, it’ll go to his head and we really don’t want that.”

Luke laughs, shoulders shaking with it and that’s the sound Calum likes to hear --the sound he’s already grown fond of.

“But enough about Michael, honestly. What about you? How was tour?” he asks as they move through the doors, following behind Michael and Ashton as they turn the corner to the stairs.

Luke shrugs, smiling, “It was good. But I’m glad to be done. I was getting a bit restless there at the end.”

“Really? Isn’t it fun going to all the new places?”

Calum feels like maybe that’s a dumb question after he asks it because it must be exhausting to never stay in one place for too long but Luke just smiles softly, eyes warm and kind, and it makes him feel like he could ask him every dumb question in the world and he wouldn’t be too bothered.

“No, it is. I just don’t really have anyone but Ashton on tour. At least no one my age, really. So it gets a bit boring sometimes. We get restless.”

“Yeah, that makes sense. But you’re done now. You can do whatever you want.”

Luke laughs, this time smaller, more to himself than anything else, and Calum stores it away. “Yeah, for a few weeks. Then it’s into album promo and rehearsals and you know, my own tour.”

Calum thinks he could have just met Luke and still recognize the excitement in his voice, could still tell that under it all he’s nervous, because it’s written all over his face and Calum laughs as he walks into their tiny dorm after Ashton, breathing out, “You’re gonna be sick, Luke. Mali’s got awesome taste. She wouldn’t be in love with someone who’d tank.”

Michael laughs, finally tuning back into what Calum and Luke are talking about, and says, “Jesus, Cal. You sure know how to woo ‘em.”

There’s a brief silence in the room, the tension almost unbearable and then Luke laughs, Ashton following the next second and Calum breathes easier, trying not to pay attention to the satisfied smirk Michael is giving him from his bed.

Luke smiles widely, saying, “I’m gonna have to meet your sister. Thank her for being a fan,” and then he says softer, directed only at Calum, “and leading you to me.”

Luke does that sometimes, says things that are a bit too much with all the sincerity in the world -- Calum knows that-- but it never stops taking Calum aback, never stops making his cheeks flame and his eyes dart around rapidly, trying not to let it get the best of him. He laughs, trying to stay calm under the way Luke’s looking at him, saying, “Yeah, she’d like that.”

Ashton has settled into the chair at Michael’s desk and is looking between him and Luke very carefully, smiling as he asks, “Is she coming to the show on Saturday?”

“Oh no, Mali doesn’t live here. She’s off in Buffalo with a grown up job making me and Cal look like children all the time.”

“Oh, I didn’t know she was older than you,” Luke says, cheeks flushing slightly and Ashton laughs big and loud, saying, “Luke’s not used to the fact that he’s popular just yet. Let alone with people older than him.”

“You’ll have to get used to it eventually, though. You’re about to release an album,” Michael says, shrugging, “You’re just gonna get bigger. It’s out at the beginning of next month, right?”

Calum looks at Michael curiously, eyebrows knitted together, “How’d you know that?”

He shrugs, “There’s a group of girls who never shut up about him in one of my classes. I overhear things.”

Calum notices the way Luke fidgets with the rip in his jeans, shifting around in Calum’s desk chair uncomfortably and Calum changes the subject, “Anyway, pizza. Let’s get the pizza.”

Luke seems to loosen up once they stop talking about him. He sits more comfortably, no longer shifting in his chair or fidgeting quite as much and Calum likes it better like that. He likes that he looks comfortable sitting in his dorm-- at his desk-- like this is just something normal, like this is routine and Calum smiles at the thought, hoping that maybe one day it will be.

*  
Calum and Luke walk to get the pizza later and Luke says, “Hey um - thanks for changing the subject back there. I don’t mean to be weird about things I just --”

“Like to feel normal?” Calum asks and Luke laughs, sighing after a beat, “Yeah.”

Calum nods, “I get that. Must get tiring.”

Luke sucks in a quick breath, rushing out, “I don’t want to sound like I’m complaining! I really do love what I do! I just like to not focus on -- I dunno, it’s stupid but I don’t like to make a fuss of it, y’know? I don’t want people to treat me any differently. I mean, I haven’t even put an album yet. This could all end in a month and I don’t wanna get caught up in it.”

He doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t know exactly what it is about himself that makes Luke open up to him so easily or makes him feel so comfortable around him but it makes his stomach twist up anxiously because he desperately wants it to continue. He’s not exactly sure how to quell Luke’s worries when he barely knows him but there’s something in him that needs to try, needs to make Luke feel more at ease, so he smiles and says, “I don’t think it’s gonna end in a month. I think you’re gonna surprise yourself.”

Luke looks like he wants to argue, he opens his mouth and then closes it quickly, smiling, “Oh really? You have that much faith in your sister’s opinion?”

There’s a twinkle in his eyes and Calum thinks he might be teasing.

“Yeah, I do. But I also have faith in my own opinion. And I think you’re good,” he says, shrugging, trying to make it seem more casual than it feels, trying not to let his voice betray just how good he thinks Luke is.

Luke stills at the door, not moving through and Calum runs into him, laughing, “You’re not very good at taking compliments, are you?”

“No, it’s not that. That girl at the counter is staring at me like she wants to eat me.”

Calum peeks over Luke’s shoulder, laughing at the way the girl’s staring at the two of them, eyes piercing in their intensity and Calum thinks she looks angry, asking, “Do you think she’s a fan? She kinda looks like she hates you.”

“I guess we’ll have to go in to find out,” he says slowly, body tensing up as Calum pushes at his back, guiding him through.

“You’re Luke Hemmings,” the girl says as they step through the door and Calum has to hide his face in his hands as to not laugh at the way Luke stumbles over his response, as if he may be a bit surprised, “Yeah. Yes, I am.”

“Why are you here?” she demands, face twisting up in confusion as she continues, “Like, are you still in school? I thought - I was almost positive I read you dropped out of school to do the music thing.”

Calum can’t help but laugh now though, Luke’s whole body tenses up as he says, almost offended, “I finished high school!”

“Oh, I guess I misread, then,” she says flatly and Calum steps in front of Luke, saying, “We’re just here to pick up an order.”

It’s almost as if she didn't realize that anyone else was with Luke or that she was in the middle of work with the way her face clouds over in surprise as she looks back at Calum, straightening up and saying, “Oh, right. Sorry. What’s the name?”

Calum tells her and then she walks around the corner into another room and Luke finally laughs, “I think this has to be one of the weirdest fan encounters I’ve ever had.”

“You dunno, she might not even be a fan,” Calum says, still laughing at the absurdity of this whole situation.

“Right. True.”

She is a fan, though. She comes back with the pizza and then smiles brightly, cheeks flushing a little as she asks, “I hate to interrupt your night. But like, could I have a picture?”

It’s fascinating to watch Luke slip into his role, the way his body softens and his smile widens and he says, “Yeah, course you can.”

The girl comes around the counter, handing the pizzas to Calum and Calum’s enamored by the way Luke slips his hand around her waist and the way his cheek dimples with the force of his smile as she takes the picture and how after he thanks her for being a fan and wishes her a good night as they leave, never once faltering with his smile.

Calum pays and then they walk in silence most of the way back, Luke finally speaking as they’re walking through the doors to Calum’s building, apologizing, “I’m sorry about that.”

“About what?”

“About the fan. I don’t want,” he sighs, sounding frustrated, not saying anything else as they climb the stairs to the second landing, “I don’t want you to see me as Luke Hemmings, y’know.”

Calum doesn’t know how to tell him that he doesn’t, not really, at least not more than feeling a slight tinge of amazement in the bottom of his heart that someone with as much going for them as Luke has would find him interesting enough to hang out with. It’s quiet in the hallway until Calum laughs, makes a joke out of it, saying, “Alright. We’ll just pretend from now on every time someone stops to ask you for a picture it’s because you’re just that pretty, then.”

Luke makes it easy to not see him as an up and coming solo artist. He makes it easy to see him as nothing more than a boy with bad nerves and a propensity to blush when Calum compliments him. He makes it easy to look at him like he’s attainable and that’s the scary part. That’s the part that terrifies Calum as he looks back at Luke blushing a faint red, it’s the part that makes his stomach twist and his heart flare up with a feeling of longing as Luke laughs, “That might be worse.”

Later that night, he realizes just how unnerving it all is as they sit on Calum’s bed with their legs crosses underneath each other and their knees pressed together and Luke watches on a bit confused, but ultimately amused as Calum and Michael slip into a chant of _Michael wants another slice_ like they have so many times before Luke walked into their lives. It’s easy to let Luke in on these parts, like he’s never been anything but there, like he’s some college freshman just like them, like he’s not about to drop an album and tour the world.

It’s Luke looking back at Calum as him and Michael do something so routine as sing about pizza like it’s one of the most amusing things he’s ever seen that makes Calum realize that he doesn’t see Luke as _Luke Hemmings_ , he just sees him as Luke. Luke with a too loud laugh, feet that turn in when he’s nervous and cheeks that never seem to stay the same color when his mood’s affected. He’s nervous and sometimes stammery and he can never shut up in the middle of the night but Calum can’t swallow down the ever growing need to kiss him building up inside of him and it’s absolutely nerve wracking because Luke makes himself seem so attainable and Calum can’t bring himself to believe that’s good enough to be true.

*

Saturday doesn’t come soon enough. Calum finishes the conclusion to his paper ten minutes before class on Tuesday, he barely gets any studying done for his test on Wednesday because Michael can’t stop coughing and on Thursday he wakes up with a stuffy nose and a sore throat. He spends all of Friday in bed trying to feel better and wakes up Saturday morning exhausted and sweaty but his throat doesn’t hurt nearly as much anymore and he can finally breathe evenly through his nose so he counts it as a win.

Michael rolls his eyes as they’re heading out for Luke’s show, saying, “Cal, you look like shit, man. Are you sure you wanna go?”

“Yeah, I’m sure,” he says and Michael raises an eyebrow, questioning.

“I feel fine,” Calum says but his voice decides to croak as he does and Michael narrows his eyes, blocking the exit and saying, “I really think this is an awful idea.”

“We’ve had these plans for over a month! I’m not staying home because you got me sick.”

Michael smiles softly, shaking his head, “Fine. Fine. But just remember I told you so when you feel like shit again in the morning.”

“I’m not going to.”

Michael pushes him slightly as Calum walks past him out the door and laughs, “Liking a boy isn’t magic, Calum. Seeing him’s not gonna just make you better.”

“Maybe not. But it’ll make me _feel_ better _,”_ Calum says simply and Michael barks out, laughing, “You’re so gone for him.”

“I’m not,” Calum says, willing himself --and Michael --to believe it in the process.

Michael just laughs more as he heads for the stairs, shaking his head, “If you say so.”

Calum slaps at his arm, sighing a bit, “I do say so! Don’t be a dick.”

Michael doesn’t say anything else about it but he does cast sidelong glances at Calum the entire way to the venue and as they park he finally asks, “Are you sure you don’t wanna go back? We can still go back.”

Michael looks concerned and not just in a way that says he’s worried about Calum having a cold. Calum raises his eyebrow, confused, “What’s up, Mikey? You’re never one to fret this much over me being sick.”

Michael shakes his head. He undoes his seat belt and smiles back at Calum softly, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel, “Nothing, really. Just never seen you like this before. It’s just a little weird.”

“You’ve known me since I was eight! You’ve seen me sick before. How is this weird?”

Michael purses his lips and opens his door, sighing frustratedly, “You know that’s not what I meant.”

Calum hurries after Michael, getting caught up in his seat belt a little in his rush to get out of the car, catching up with Michael and asking softly, not really wanting to hear the answer, “What do you mean then?”

Michael smiles, big and endeared, and it calms Calum’s nerves, makes him feel more comfortable about the growing tension building up inside of him with every step they take toward the door.

“You usually like to be left alone when you’re sick. It’s just a bit different to see you so adamant about going somewhere. That’s all.”

“It’s not that big of a deal. I just --”

“Like him. I know. That’s why I drove your ass over here _and_ put some cold medicine in my pocket for when you start feeling like shit again. Not gonna let you tank in front of lover boy, am I?”

“You’re ridiculous.”

“You’re welcome,” Michael says with a smug grin and Calum can’t help but grin. His heart swells a little with just how much he appreciates having someone like Michael in his life. Someone that will take care of him but not make a big deal out of it, someone that will make him calm when his heart feels like it’s going to beat out of his chest any minute.

He pushes at Michael as they get to the door, laughing, “Yeah, yeah. You’re a real hero.”

*

Unfortunately, Michael ends up being right. Calum’s head starts throbbing and the ache in his body flares up halfway through Luke’s set and he ends up having to drag Michael to the back of the venue so they can sit down. He groans as Michael looks at him smugly, bringing him a cup of water and handing him the cold medicine. Calum mumbles, “It’s only because they won’t stop screaming. I’m fine, really,” and Michael doesn’t say anything just nods his head and bites his lip, disbelievingly.

It ends up being worth it though --the headache, the body aches, the way Michael wont stop staring at him in concern-- to watch Luke perform for a crowd of people that are only there to see him. It’s only a fraction of the amount of people he first saw him perform to but there’s something more special in the way Luke looks performing just for a venue of his fans. His face lights up as he sings and his smile grows larger with every song he sings and Calum’s head spins a bit with the thought of potentially seeing him headline his own tour.

It’s especially worth it as Ashton comes to find them after Luke’s last song and brings them backstage, smiling as he says, “Luke’s not shut up about you once today.”

Michael snorts, “Good because Calum’s sick ass shouldn't even be here so Luke better appreciate it.”  
Calum slaps at Michael’s shoulder, warning and Ashton stills for a moment. He turns around and gives Calum a once over, smiling sympathetically as he says, “Oh god, you do look like shit. Luke’s gonna be so happy you came, though.”

Calum’s stomach twists uncomfortably and he knows it has nothing to do with how sick he feels and everything to do with the fact Luke’s been talking about him all day. He doesn’t say anything, doesn’t think he can really and Michael laughs, “Don’t tell him that. He’ll get an even bigger head than he’s already got.”

Ashton smiles and leads them around a corner and into a room with a group of people laughing around Luke. Ashton nods in their direction and says, “That’s Luke’s family. I’m sure you’ll be seeing a lot of them, Calum.

“What?” Calum chokes out and Michael laughs so loud that the room goes silent, save for the way Michael’s sucking in sharp breaths as he holds his stomach while he tries to stop laughing. Calum feels the heat blooming in his cheeks and Ashton says apologetically, “Shit! Shit, I didn’t mean - I just meant because you’re becoming friends. Liz is pretty much always around and everyone else tries to come by shows as often as they can.”

It doesn’t do anything to ease the feeling in his stomach, it actually just makes him blush a little harder because Ashton thinks he’s going to be around enough to experience Luke’s family being around, too. Michael only laughs harder and Luke jumps out of his seat, running into one of the boys surrounding him in an attempt to meet them, face only falling slightly as he sees Calum, saying, “You don’t look too well. Come sit.”

He puts his hand on the small of Calum’s back and Calum feels like every one of his nerve endings might explode with the pressure of Luke’s hand against his shirt, pressing in only slightly as he guides him over to the couch, asking brightly, “Did you at least enjoy the show?”

Calum smiles, the words coming easily, “Yeah, you were great. Besides, Mikey brought me some cold medicine, I’m feeling fine.”

Luke purses his lips, eyebrows knitting together like he doesn’t quite believe Calum and Calum smiles, “Honestly, not even ill. This is just how I look after a good concert.”

Luke’s mouth twitches, eyes going dramatically wide as he jokes, “Are you saying the first concert of mine you went to wasn’t a good one, then?”

Calum laughs and his cough flares up again, hiding his face in the crook of his elbow and apologizing once he stops, “No! This one was different, though. You look different playing for only your fans. It was good.”

Luke’s face turns the slightest shade of red and he bites his lip, smiling around it, “Thank you.”  
The woman on the couch finally gets up, smiling at Calum and saying, “Hi, I’m Liz, Luke’s mom. You must be Calum. I’ve heard so much about you.”

Luke’s face turns redder and he gives his mom a sharp look and she just laughs, putting her hand on Calum’s shoulder and directs his attention to the man sitting at the end of the couch, saying, “This is my husband, Andy,” and then to the two older boys standing in front of them, “These are Luke’s older brothers.”

The shorter of the two smiles warmly, “I’m Ben. I’d shake your hand but if you actually are sick and Luke’s not just blown you away I’m gonna pass.”

Calum laughs, trying to suppress his laugh as Luke says Ben’s name sharply as the other brother introduces himself as Jack. He gives Calum a once over, face set into something harder than the rest of Luke’s family had been and it makes Calum’s skin crawl a little, suddenly nervous in more than one way.

He smiles eventually, saying, “It’s nice to finally meet you. Luke honestly never shuts up about you.”

“Boys, be fair to your brother. You know he stops when he sleeps.”

“Dad! Please,” Luke says exasperatedly and Calum’s met with the sound of laughter all around, but nothing louder than Michael from behind them and Jack’s face hardens again, eyeing him up over Calum’s shoulder, saying, “You’re Michael?”

Michael clears his throat, traces of laughter still in his voice as he says “Yeah,” and Calum doesn’t need to see his face to know how pleased he is that Luke talks about him, too.

Jack smiles, saying, “Nice to meet you two,” then he walks toward Luke, claps him on the back and says softly, “Great show, Lukey. Gotta go meet Celeste, now. But lunch before you leave again, alright?

“Yeah, of course. You’re buying though!”

Jack rolls his eyes, smiling, “Eventually you’ll have to buy your own damn food.”

Ben laughs, walking forward and patting Luke’s face softly, “Not this one. He’s gonna be taking advantage of being the baby as long as he can.”

Luke pouts and Calum’s stomach twists fondly as he watches Luke’s family tease him and how even then they all look at him so proudly as they say goodbye one after the other, his parents lingering the longest.

Liz tells Luke very sternly, “I expect to see you at least four times before you leave and I’d like for it to be more,” and then she wraps her arms around him and hugs him tightly and Luke’s face softens into one of the sweetest smiles Calum’s ever seen on him as he mumbles, “Of course, mom.”

Andy hugs him, too, laughing, “I expect to see you at least twice where you don’t make a complete mess of our home when you come over.”

Luke laughs, “Yeah, okay. I’ll try,” and then it’s just him, Calum, Michael and Ashton in the room.

Ashton yawns, rubbing at his eyes and says, “I dunno about you three but I’m exhausted. Luke kept me up all night last night because he was too nervous about this. So I’m gonna head out.”

He looks at Luke, raises an eyebrow and Luke says, “I’m not tired.”

Ashton rolls his eyes, “Of course you aren’t. You always get a wave of energy at night. But we gotta clear out of here anyway so you’ll have to figure somewhere else to go if you want to hang out.”

There’s a tension in the air as Calum starts coughing again and Luke blinks rapidly, suggesting, “You two could come back to mine. I make pretty good soup. It might make you feel better, Calum.”

“Yeah, I could go for that,” Calum says, throat feeling too scratchy for his liking, turning to Michael and asking, “How ‘bout you Mikey?”

Michael looks between the two of them quickly, lingering on the way Calum’s looking at expectantly and Michael smiles knowingly, saying, “Nah, I think I’ll just head back to the dorms. You should go though. Luke’s right, soup will make you feel better and we’ve run out.”

Calum narrows his eyes momentarily confused because that’s a lie. He knows that there’s still quite a bit of soup left after he went out on Tuesday to get some for Michael when it became clear he didn’t just have a twenty four hour bug. Michael smiles and raises his eyebrow and Calum catches on. He realizes that Michael is giving him an in -- giving him a reason to go to Luke’s -- and Calum thinks he’ll never be able to repay Michael adequately for how helpful he is when Calum likes someone.

Luke looks between the two of them hopefully and Calum smiles, heart fluttering with how happy Luke looks as he says, “Yeah, okay. That is if you won’t mind the fact that I’m pretty miserable company when I’m sick.”

Luke’s smile is almost reminiscent of the way he looked on stage when the crowd sang his words back particularly loud -- it’s just as bright and stunning as it had been before but this time it’s all for Calum and that makes Calum’s face heat up uncontrollably. He doesn’t know exactly how to respond to it so he just smiles back and silently thanks god that no one can actually hear how fast his heart is beating.

*

Luke’s apartment isn’t much farther from the venue than their dorm is but in the time it takes to get there Calum’s body finally settles. The adrenaline of the show and the nerves of seeing Luke finally fade away and he just feels heavy and tired by the time Luke leads him inside. His voice takes on a soft, nervous quality as he unlocks the door and shows Calum inside, saying, “It’s not much and I’m a little bit of a mess, sorry about that.”

It’s a little smaller than he would have imagined someone with a record deal living in but it’s so much larger than the dorm he and Michael live in that he can’t help but laugh a little at Luke’s nervousness, saying appreciatively, “It’s nice.”

There’s an old leather couch at the center of the living room that looks like it’s been around for years and a chair to its left piled high with laundry and Luke looks at Calum apologetically when he notices his line of sight, saying quickly, “I’m so sorry. I’m awful at folding my clothes. Feel free to make yourself at home on the couch, though. It’s Jack’s old one and it’s my favorite.”

Luke heads for the kitchen and Calum doesn’t follow, he’s too tired to stand any more and he sinks into the worn leather of the couch, letting himself get comfortable and hoping he can fight off the sleep that’s falling over him long enough to spend a little bit of alone time with Luke. He yawns, saying, “It’s not a problem. Mikey and I are just as bad.”

Calum can hear Luke’s laugh from the kitchen and he likes the way it sounds on his voice as he calls back, “Ashton hates it, especially when we’re on the bus.”

Calum can hear Luke tinkering around in the kitchen and can smell the soup cooking but he never gets the chance to eat it or to spend any time alone with Luke. He falls asleep with his feet folded up underneath him and his head rested on the back of the couch. He wakes up the next morning to the smell of bacon with a pillow underneath him and a blanket draped across him.

His head hurts and his eyes feel groggy but his throat no longer hurts and he can’t seem to pay attention to anything other than the fact that Luke must have moved him -- must have brought him the blanket and pillow so that he’d be more comfortable instead of waking him up and kicking him out. The smell of bacon grows closer and Calum finally sits up, rubbing at his eyes and he is embarrassingly startled as Luke says, “Would you like to stay for breakfast?”  
He knows he’s blushing -- he can feel it in his face-- but he tries to go on like he’s not, clearing his throat and asking the one thing he can’t stop thinking about, “Did you move me last night?”

Luke blushes, shrugging, “I thought you might be more comfortable with a pillow and blanket and -- did I do a weird thing again? I was just trying to be nice so you didn't wake up with a crick in your neck or something. Sorry.”

His face grows slightly pinker and he bites at his lip nervously as Calum continues to rub at his eyes tiredly and Calum can’t help but think he’s one of the most adorable people’s he’s ever met -- even if he’s entirely too ridiculous in the way he worries.

“No, it wasn’t weird. Definitely had to move Mikey my fair share of times when he’s fallen asleep in odd places. Definitely don’t think it’s weird. I just thought you would have woken me up - kicked me out or something.”

Luke furrows his eyebrows and then his face breaks into a grin, saying, “Oh. No. You didn’t feel well and I didn’t want to wake you. I don’t mind my friends staying over when they’re tired. And look at you now! You look so much better. Maybe even just the smell of soup cures you.”

Luke looks so happy about it -- so happy that Calum’s here in his apartment feeling better after the night before that Calum knows he’s hopeless at this point -- there’s no way he’s going to come out of this without being hopelessly gone for Luke. He smiles back, joking, “Oh, do you invite all of your friends over for soup when they’re not feeling well? Here I was thinking I was special.”

Luke’s eyes widen comically and it makes his heart ache uncomfortably with how much he likes to uncover Luke’s different emotions and his smile grows larger as Luke stumbles over his words, rushing out, “No! I mean, like Ashton. But he doesn’t get sick often. And I don’t - I don’t really. No, I definitely don’t invite a lot of people over for soup when they’re feeling bad.”

There’s a tone in Luke’s voice that seems a bit vulnerable, like maybe he just gave away something that he didn’t want to and Calum feels bad. He doesn’t want to make Luke uncomfortable, so he doesn’t ask more about that, just teases again, “So you’re saying I _am_ special?”

It seems to do the trick, Luke’s face lights up again and his smile slips back into place and he says, “Maybe you are. But we won’t know unless you stay for breakfast.”

It takes him off guard, makes his head spin a bit with how sincerely he says it and Calum finally realizes that Luke’s holding a plate of bacon sandwiches in his hand and his stomach growls. “Were you trying to wake me with the smell of bacon? Because, if so, it definitely worked.”

Luke reaches out the plate and Calum takes a sandwich, asking suddenly aware of his surrounding,”Did you fold your laundry, too? Jesus, I didn’t realize you were such a morning person.”

Lukes shakes his head, running a hand through the front of his hair where it’s fallen over his forehead from sleeping, saying, “I’m not usually. I’m just glad you’re here, I guess. Didn’t want you to think I was a slob.”

Calum knows he can’t properly address Luke saying he’s glad that Calum’s there without completely giving away how much that means to him, so instead he laughs, “I’ve seen your dressing room. I heard your dad asking you not to make a mess of the house when you came home. I’m pretty sure you’ve already lost that battle.”

Luke scrunches his nose up while he eats, huffing out after he finishes chewing, “Fine. But I was just trying to make a nice impression.”

Calum laughs and he can feel the headache flaring up again but he doesn’t care because Luke makes it so easy to talk to him, so easy to joke with him that he thinks he could stay like this forever. “I think the point of making good impressions is to, y’know, make them before people see your laundry all over the place.”

Luke sets the plate on the coffee table and the places his hand over his chest, pouting, “And here I thought I already made a good impression on you. Didn’t think you were the type to care about laundry of all things.”

His lips twitch up at the corners and he starts laughing and Calum knows that no matter what happens he never wants to stop hearing that sound. There’s something about it that makes Calum’s heart feel simultaneously too warm to handle -- beating too fast to keep calm-- but too cold to stay, like maybe he’s not worth a sound so precious and it makes him nervous. His hands start clamming up and he scratches at the back of his neck for something to do -- something to take his mind off the fact that Luke’s eyes light up with a certain sort of merriment that feels like it’s just for him.

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me, Luke Hemmings.”

He says it jokingly, flirtatiously even, but Luke smiles back at him genuinely, saying, “I think I’d like to get to know them if you’ll let me,” and Calum wants to dive head first into whatever it is this is.

“I think I’d like that, too.”

*  
Michael teases Calum relentlessly when he gets home that night and doesn’t stop the entire week, mumbling under his breath at least three times a day, “I can’t believe you didn’t kiss him.”

On Friday after Michael’s class he comes in saying, “I’ve found a way for you to make up for your lack of kissing last weekend.”

Calum rolls his eyes, sighing, “I was _sick_!”

He shakes his head, raising an eyebrow. “And your excuse for Wednesday night?”

It’s because he was nervous. It’s because he doesn’t want to assume when he’s not even sure if it’s like that with Luke. It’s because in the pit of his stomach he doesn’t want to scare Luke away by pushing things in a direction he doesn’t want them to go.

He laughs because he has no way of expressing all that without admitting he’s too scared to do it, so instead he just says, “Fuck off,” and hopes he drops it.

Michael seems to get it, he softens his voice and says, “Cal, come on. He likes you. Don’t really see why you’re worried.”

Calum thinks he might be right, knows there’s definitely a chance that he is -- he’s seen the way Luke looks at him, knows there’s something in it that’s much more than friendly -- but the thing is he’s only known Luke for a month and a half and he could be completely wrong about him. He could be reading him all wrong and there’s something about Luke that makes him clam up and not want to risk it.

“Because we _could_ have the wrong idea about him.”

Michael sits on the bed next to Calum, knocks his knees against Calum’s and says reassuringly, “We could. Or we could not. But you’ll never find out if you don’t make a move. Which is why I, the greatest best friend in the whole world, have secured the perfect opportunity for you to do so.”

Calum looks at him skeptically and Michael’s face twists up in a smile, eyes nearly twinkling with excitement, “This girl Angie’s throwing a party tomorrow night at her and Steve’s apartment and - they’re in my bio class - don’t look at me like you don’t know who I’m talking about! I have other friends, Calum! Anyway, they’re having a party and I think we should go and I think you should invite Luke.”

“I don’t - it’s a college party --”

Michael cuts him off, smiling broadly, “That’s why you should invite him, Cal. His whole world’s gonna change after this album comes out and you’re gonna regret not taking advantage of this opportunity to spend a normal night out with him while you can.”

Calum sighs, frustrated at how right Michael is, knowing this could be one of his last times to enjoy Luke as Luke the semi-famous boy with too much heart and barely enough time to spend with Calum and not Luke, the potential celebrity.

“Why do you always have to be so - fine. Fine. I’ll do it. But if this ends up biting me in the ass I’m gonna blame you.”

Michael laughs, and he slaps Calum on the back lightly as he gets up, walking to his own bed, “Yeah, whatever you say, Calum.”

He pulls his phone out of his pocket, taps his thumbs against the screen trying to think of what to say and Michael gets up on him, grabs the phone and types out a message quickly, handing the phone back to Calum and saying, “There. I just said we were going to a party tomorrow and him and Ashton should come.”

Calum furrows his eyebrows together and Michael laughs softly, “I invited Ashton because then it doesn’t seem so serious. All’s good there.”

“Oh, that’s --”

“A really good idea. Yeah, I know. That’s why I did it.”

“You don’t have to be so smug,” he grumbles and Michael just laughs louder, ruffling his hair quickly, saying soothingly, “It’s the only thing to do when you get like this.”

“Yeah, yeah. Alright,” he sighs, saying softer, “Thanks, Mikey. Dunno why he’s got me so worked up.”

Michael sits down next to him, leaning his head against his shoulder, “No problem, Cal. Just want you to be happy and he makes you happy. That’s why you’re all worked up. Crushes are funny like that, aren’t they.”

They both know this is more than a crush, but Calum just leans his head against Michaels and breathes out, “Yeah, they are.”

*

Luke doesn’t text Calum back all day and by the time dinner comes around he pretty much gives up on the idea of him ever responding and when he curls up in his bed after and pouts about it Michael doesn’t say anything. He just crawls in next to him, rests his head against his cheek and whispers, “Aww Cal, he might just be busy. You know how things go.”

He pushes back against him, half in attempt to push him off the bed and half just to press closer against him and luckily Michael doesn’t leave, he just wraps an arm around his waist and snuggles in closer, breathing out, “Let’s just nap it off, Cal. Go to the party later and find someone new for you.”

Calum lets out a long, ragged sigh, “I don’t want another person. I want Luke.”

Michael squeezes him around the waist, saying comfortingly, “I know, Cal. I know. He could really just be busy today. Doesn’t seem like the type to just ignore you for no reason. “

“Yeah, maybe. Don’t wanna talk about it anymore, though.”

Michael says, “I’ll let you sleep. Do you want me to wake you for the party still” and makes to leave the bed but Calum just tights his hand around his wrist and keeps him there, saying, “‘Course I do. But don’t go just yet.”

Michael sighs out, laughing lightly, teasing, “So needy, you are.”

They don’t sleep long before Calum’s phone is buzzing from his desk, Michael grumbles by his side and says, “I fucking hate your goddamn phone,” reaching over for it and yawning, “It’s Luke.”

Calum slaps at Michael’s waist, pulling his blanket up over his face and mumbling, “Don’t fuck with me, Mikey, I’m tired.”

“I’m not fucking with you. It’s him. Now answer the phone, you dick.”

He presses the phone against Calum’s cheek, laughing, “Say hi.”

Luke’s phone comes through the line and Calum’s startled, nearly kicking Michael out of the bed with how much he jumps, voice thick with sleep as he says, “Luke? Why’re you calling me?”

Luke laughs, almost nervously, “What? You texted me earlier asking if I wanted to go to a party? Was that not meant for me?”

“Shh. Stop talking for a second. I can’t think.”

He sits up and Michael finally rolls out of the bed, giving him an exaggerated thumbs up and a smile, and Calum laughs, rubbing at his eyes and tries to stop his heart from hammering in his chest, saying through another yawn, “Yeah, that was. I’m just tired. You woke me up.”

Calum can almost see the way Luke’s face scrunches up in confusion as he asks, “I woke you? It’s nearly eight thirty. Are you still sick?”

“What? No. Do you never take naps after dinner?”

“Not usually. But I think maybe I should have today. I’m exhausted.”

“Oh, really? Why’s that?”

There’s just a hint of uneasiness in his voice as he asks it and he doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to how nervous Luke can make him feel, sighing in relief as Luke says, “Oh, um, my single was released today I’ve been in and out of promo and meetings all day. Then my parents took me to dinner to celebrate. I’m sorry I didn’t get back to you sooner.”

Calum can’t shake the sleep and he’s not quite understanding what Luke’s saying, asking louder than he intends, “You released a song today? Why didn’t you tell me.”

Michael looks at him from across the room, mouthing _don’t be rude_ and Calum lowers his voice as he rubs at his eyes to try and fully wake up, saying softer, “Sorry, I just mean you should’ve told me. I would’ve like, listened for it on the radio or something.”

“Oh, oh. Um. Sorry. I don’t. I didn’t want to- I just don’t like to make a big deal of these things.”

Calum smiles, laughing, “Yeah, I get that. But I like to know about all the shit you do. It’s cool.”

“You really do know how to make my life sound special there.”

“You sound like Michael.”

Michael scoffs, throwing his pillow at him and Calum moves to get out of the bed, throwing the pillow back as he turns toward the wall, trying to hide his face from Michael as he says, “Well I understand if you don’t wanna come to the party. But me and Mikey are going back home for spring break tomorrow so --”

His tongue feels thick and his throat tight just trying to say how much he’d like to see Luke tonight and he tries to sound casual as he finishes, “I dunno when I’ll get to see you after tonight with all your stuff coming up. But maybe we could - maybe we can go to breakfast tomorrow before we leave. If you’d like?”

“What? I thought - I mean I called to tell you that I’d like to go. But breakfast would be nice, too, if like, you don’t want to go anymore either - or don’t want us to come or something.”

“Oh. Oh! Don’t be stupid,” he says, both flabbergasted and relieved by how Luke underestimates how much he wants him around. “Of course I still want you two to come. I just assumed since you said you were tired you wouldn't want to come. Since it’s just - it might not be as fun as other things you’ve done. I dunno.”

Michael clears his throat and Calum turns away from the wall, raising his eyebrow in question and Michael mouths, _Sound more excited._

“Shut up. I am excited,” he says and Luke asks, “What? I didn’t say anything.”

“No, sorry,” he says laughing, feeling like Michael’s presence is making this ten times more difficult than it needs to be and he slips out of the room as he says, “that was just Mikey being an ass. Anyway,” he swallows roughly, willing himself to stay calm as he says, “I think we’ll have fun together if you come over. But please don’t feel obligated to if you’re tired.”

“Calum,” Luke says slowly, with a hint of laugh in his voice, “if you want me to come, I will. Besides, I’ve never been to a house party before; this should be sick. ”

Calum leans his head against the door and tries to suppress the blush creeping up over his face at Luke’s response focusing on the fact that he’s never been to a house party, laughing, “Well then Angie’s place is definitely the place for you to be tonight.”

*

Luke and Ashton don’t get to their dorm until a little past ten and by the time they walk to Angie’s apartment just off of campus the party is in full swing and Luke goes almost completely unnoticed as they walk through the living room and into the kitchen to help themselves to drinks. There’s a girl by the sink that looks at Luke three times, before her eyes go wide and smiles, saying excitedly, “I hope you have a good time tonight, Luke,” before leaving the room with her friend in tow, giggling as they go.

Luke blinks at her retreating form several times and Michael asks, “Do you know her?”

He turns around, face pinched up in confusion, biting at his lip, “No? I don’t think so,” and Ashton laughs around the brim of his cup, “Must’ve been a fan. Nice of her not to make a deal of you being here though.”

Luke looks relieved, face turning up in a soft smile and Calum hands him a beer, smiling, “Here’s your chance to get a feel for what it’s like to be in college. Don’t think most people have girls tell them to have a good night without knowing them -- but we’ll just let that one go. Other than that you’re totally just an eighteen year old not knowing where you’re going in life for the night.”

It makes Luke laugh and breaks the tension that Calum sensed building up around them after the girl walked away and Luke finally relaxes against the counter, taking the drink and smiling, cheek dimpling for the first time all night. It doesn’t take long for Luke to start feeling the alcohol. Calum doesn’t know if it’s because he’s really that exhausted or if he’s just that much of a lightweight but, whatever it is, Calum loves the way Luke can’t seem to stop laughing the more he drinks.

It’s especially endearing when the four of them end up playing a game of beer pong and Luke can’t stop giggling into his hand long enough to get the ball into any cup. It only makes Luke laugh harder when Calum makes the same cup as Michael and Ashton sighs out in frustration, “ _How_ are you two so good at this?”

Calum and Michael look at each other and shrug, saying in unison, “We go to a lot of parties.”

Luke looks at Ashton, mouthing _we don’t_ before covering his mouth in an attempt to stop the sound of his laugh as Ashton’s face scrunches up in a mix of exasperation and fondness. He says across the table with a shake of the head, “No, we definitely don’t.”

The two of them never recover from that turn and they end up having to drink so many cups at the end that Calum takes pity on Luke and tries to help him out. Michael only lets him drink one though, laughing against his ear, “I know you’re trying to get in his pants but don’t go fucking up our chances to win this next game.”

Calum pushes back against Michael, nearly choking on the beer as he laughs, “Goddammit, Michael.”

They end up losing their next game anyway though because Luke hovers over them the entire time. He spends the majority of the game with his chin tucked over Calum’s shoulders, humming a song Calum doesn’t know and Calum gets distracted -- much more interested in the feel of Luke pressed against his back than he is in Michael or the game at hand. Luke pulls him away from the table after, smiling widely, teasing, “I thought you said you went to a lot of parties.”

Luke’s hand is hot against Calum’s wrist and it takes a minute for him to register anything but the gentle press of Luke’s thumb against his pulse point.

“I do,” he says and Luke laughs as he pulls him through a group of people and toward the couch in the middle of the living room. “Well, you weren’t very good at that last game.”

Calum purses his lips, trying not to pout too much, “I don’t usually have people distracting me by humming in my ear.”

Luke falls back on the couch laughing and Michael presses up behind Calum. He tucks his chin over Calum’s shoulder and presses his thumb into Calum’s hip, laughing, “Yeah you sabotaged us, Luke.”

Luke’s eyes cloud over for a moment as he looks at Michael's hand on Calum’s hip and then his lips press together slightly right before he laughs, cheeks flushing as he reaches forward and grabs Calum’s hand, tugging him down onto the couch.

“Sorry,” he says to no one in particular and Calum can’t tell if he’s apologizing for making Calum land half on top of him or for ruining their game.

Luke’s hands find his hips and guide Calum off of him and into the seat next to him, giggling as he apologizing again, “Sorry, I just like to watch you,” and Calum can’t quite make out anything around him other than the flush of Luke’s cheeks and the pounding of his own heart.

Luke covers his mouth, laughing into his hand and his eyes go wide in shock, the color in his cheeks deepening with each moment that passes. “Jesus Christ, I meant - oh God - I just --”

Luke can’t seem to get any words out with how much he’s laughing and the alcohol in Calum’s system and the way Michael looks at him, one eyebrow raised as he starts walking backwards, saying, “I’m gonna go find where Ashton’s gone off to,” gives Calum enough courage to finally act on what he’s been feeling for so long now. He places his hand on Luke’s knees and leans in against his side, saying, “It’s fine. Maybe we should --”

He loses his train of thought as Luke melts into his side and can’t get any more words out other than a choked _come on_ as he pulls Luke up and out of the living room toward the quiet of the empty hallway. The noise of the party and the sound of the music gets lost as Calum pulls Luke into the bathroom, hand only leaving Luke’s wrist to find his waist and press him against the door. There’s a brief moment where Calum thinks he’s misread what’s been happening between them this entire time but then Luke’s eyes drop to Calum’s lips and he smiles softly and Calum knows that if he doesn’t do it now he never will.

Luke’s lips are chapped and there’s still a trace of cheap beer in his taste but he sighs into Calum’s kiss and puts his hand at the base of Calum’s neck, fingers pulling roughly at Calum’s hair as he deepens the kiss and Calum can’t think of one reason why he waited so long to do this.

Calum pulls away and can’t take his eyes off the red of Luke’s mouth of the way he touches at the wetness of his mouth as he laughs and it takes Calum a moment to process that Luke is actually saying something.  
“Sorry, I didn’t hear you. I was distracted by your mouth.”

Luke blushes, saying with a hint of laughter still in his voice, “I’ve never kissed a boy before.”

Calum’s heart drops and his hands start sweating and he knows that all the color has drained from his face. His head is spinning and he wishes he didn’t have as much to drink as he did because he’s just not sober enough to handle all the feelings swirling around inside of him. He stumbles over his words, feeling like his face is on fire, “I’m sorry - I thought--”

Luke stops laughing, his hands fall to his side and his face scrunches up in confusion. His mouth is still a distracting shade of red but Calum tries not to look -- tries to hear past the thumping of his heart and pay attention to the words coming out of Luke’s mouth, sighing in relief as he hears him say, “I want you.”

He blushes, eyes dropping to the floor and his body languages shifts into something more vulnerable, less excited, saying, “Even if - you know - I only have experience with girls. I like you. I _want_ you.”

He looks up at Calum, then, biting his lip nervously and then he starts laughing again. His whole body shakes with the force of it, saying through sharp, ragged breaths, “I want you - fuck - that’s the name of my new single.”

He leans into Calum, head grazing his chest and fingers grasping at the fabric of Calum’s shirt and Calum can’t help but laugh with him at the absurdity of the moment.

Luke stops laughing after a while. He straightens up and smoothes out the front of Calum’s shirt. The look in his eyes at he stares back at Calum is much more serious than the smile still on his lips and Calum’s heart skips a bit with the earnest way he says, “I hope that doesn’t change anything.”

Calum doesn’t think it will -- at least he hope it won’t. He hopes the churning in his stomach and the pull of his heart as a little voice in the back of his head says _I hope you’re worth it_ for him won’t get in the way of whatever it is they might have here. But there’s no way he can tell Luke he’s worried about that -- no way he can tell him that he’s worried he’s not the right choice. So instead he jokes, “You using your own song to tell me that you want me? Nah, I’ll let that slide this time.”

It makes Luke laugh again and that makes the feeling in the pit of Calum’s stomach fade just a little and when Luke kisses him again, longer and a bit harder than before, he can’t stop himself from whispering against his mouth when he pulls away, “No, it doesn’t change anything for me at all.”

He knows that whatever it is they have, no matter if he thinks he’s the right choice or not, is something he wants to put his all in the minute Luke tips his forehead against Calum’s and says, “Good. Was hoping it wouldn't.”

*

The next morning Calum wakes up with Luke’s legs tangled up in his. They don’t fit together as seamlessly as him and Michael do in this tiny twin sized bed but it’s comfortable and when Luke stirs next to him a warmth radiates inside him that is completely different than anything he’s ever felt when sleeping next to Michael. His fingers press in lightly against his hip, warm against the skin above his waistband from where the shirt he was too lazy to take off the night before is rucked up. Luke’s breathing is soft and steady next to him and Calum doesn’t want to move and ruin the moment. There’s a soft click of the door opening and Michael and Ashton’s voices come bursting through the door and Luke finally wakes.

“I cannot believe you two are still asleep,” Ashton says with a laugh and Luke shifts closer to Calum, hand gripping tighter at his hip, nearly whining, “Fuck, stop laughing, my head hurts.”

Calum tries really hard not to laugh either but Luke’s face is set in a pout and he’s curled up next to Calum like this isn’t the first time they’ve ever been asleep in a bed together and it’s overwhelming. Especially when he tries to untangle their legs and shift out from under Luke and he just groans, pout deepening, “No, not you, too. Don’t fall for Ashton’s chipper morning routine.”

“I see what you mean when you said you’re not usually a morning person now.”

Luke finally moves away from Calum, shifting to where he’s sitting up, back against the wall, looking down at Calum, lip jutted out in a pout, “I’m wonderful in the mornings.”

Ashton scoffs, tossing a bag at Luke’s chest and saying, “Don’t lie to them.”

Luke’s face brightens as he peeks inside the white paper bag, asking Ashton, “Did you bring me breakfast?”

Michael laughs, “No, he’s just throwing food at you to tease you. Of course he brought you breakfast.”

Luke smiles back at Ashton, mumbling his thanks and Calum sits up, situating himself to where his legs are draped over Luke’s and his back is pressed against the wall, asking Michael, “What’d you get me?”

“Does it look like I’m made of money? I didn't get you anything.”

Calum narrows his eyes, expectant, and Michael’s lip twitch into a small smile. He throws a Snickers bar at Calum’s face and says, “Your usual.”

“You’re so good to me, Mikey.”

Luke’s legs tense under him and Calum blinks at him curiously before turning back to Michael and laughing, “I can’t believe _you’re_ not still sleeping.”

Michael casts a sharp look in Ashton’s direction and Ashton shrugs, apologetic, “I needed someone to show me where to get a bagel. And it’s not like your floor is particularly comfortable! How was I supposed to sleep!”

“I deserve roommate of the year award for letting you two assholes sleep in while I took him to breakfast, honestly,” Michael says as he flops down on his bed. He rubs at his eyes and yawns, “We still have to drive home today and you haven’t even fucking packed.”

“Neither have you,” Calum says defensively and Michael just kicks his foot in the direction of the closet where a bag sits in front of the door and Calum groans, “Why are you trying to make me look bad in front of our guests?”

“You don’t need my help for that one, Cal. You’re still in last night’s clothes and your hair’s a mess and now everyone knows you’re irresponsible when it comes to packing.”

“I hate you. I really do,” Calum says laughing, looking at Luke and shrugging, whispering, “I’m usually better about packing.”

Luke shrugs, pout still a little present as he eats and it makes Calum’s stomach twist uncomfortably, not liking the sight of it at all. He climbs over Luke and off the bed, stopping before he heads to the closet to lean in, hand against Luke’s chest, whispering so no one else can hear, “Are you alright?”

Luke nods, mumbling, “Yeah, just a little hungover,” but he doesn’t look at Calum and Calum doesn’t believe him.

Calum tips his head against Luke’s softly before pulling away just the slightest bit and saying, “I’m gonna miss you, y’know.”

Luke finally smiles, cheek dimpling with the force of it, and he says, “Yeah, me too.”

*

The car ride home is quieter -- more subdued-- than it usually is. Michael won’t let Calum drive -- no matter how much he offers to -- grumbling each time he offers, “Shush. It’s fine. I can’t be in the passenger seat when I’m hungover. You know that.”  
Instead Calum just ends up curling up in his seat halfway through the trip, head rested against the window as he tries to sleep off the last remains of his hangover -- willing himself not to text Luke first. There’s a buzzing in his pocket right as he’s about to doze off and he slips his phone out with a groans, just wanting to sleep. But then he sees it’s from Luke and the smile that comes as he slides the message open and smiling as he reads _how’s the drive going?_ is probably unavoidable at this point.

Michael looks over at him, shaking his head and laughing, “You’re such a fucking sap you know that?”

“I’m not,” he pouts. “I’m just --”

“In love,” Michael teases and Calum’s heart skips a beat and he grumbles, “Not that either.”

“If you --”

“No, don’t say ‘if you say so!’” Calum laughs, rolling his eyes as Michael raises an eyebrow, smirking, “You’re right you’re always on your phone when you have a new interest. Luke’s just like the rest of them.”

“Hey. Don’t be rude.”

Michael laughs, “It’s not a bad thing. You were like that the entire time with Maddie. You were a little better last semester with Liam. But it’s just how you are. Always connected to that phone of yours.”

Calum has no idea why he’s being so defensive about it because Michael’s right. He _is_ always on his phone -- especially when he’s interested in someone -- but Luke feels different than the rest of them and he doesn’t want to lump them all together.

“He’s different,” he says simply and the mood shifts in the car. Michael sits up a little straighter, gripping the steering wheel tighter for a moment before looking at Calum quickly and saying quietly, “You really like him.”

There’s no question in his voice. Michael’s been his best friend for far too long not to know when he’s got a crush and when he really likes someone and sometimes it’s annoying but right now it’s just comforting because he doesn’t have to say it out loud.

“Is it that obvious?”

Michael laughs again, louder this time than anything else, “For me? Yeah. Like I said - you’re a fucking sap. For him? Probably not. You haven’t even made a move yet.”

“Hey! That’s not true.”

“Calum, drunkenly cuddling a boy in your bed doesn’t count. How many times have _we_ drunkenly cuddled. Right now it just looks like you’re trying to replace me as your best friend. Which is just rude, honestly.”

Calum rolls his eyes, sighing, “You’re ridiculous and I don’t know why I keep you around.”

“You _are_ trying to replace me. Wow.”

“I’m not talking to you anymore. You’re an asshole.”

Michael doesn’t say anything for quite some time and Calum finally texts Luke back: _It’s good. Michael’s an ass. But that’s nothing new._

Luke’s response comes almost immediately and Calum can’t stop laughing as he reads it: _That’s no good. Aren’t best friends supposed to be nice to each other?_

Michael looks over quickly, eyebrows pinched together, “What’s so funny?”

“I told Luke you were an ass and he pretty much said we’re supposed to be nice to each other because we’re best friends.”

“Jesus Christ, you picked a winner.”

Calum swats at his arm, laughter coming in softer now, “Shut up. He’s cute.”

Michael sighs exaggeratedly, “I swear to God if you don’t kiss him the next time you see him I’m going to punch you. It’s sickening watching you fawn over him and not make a move.”

“I did - I have. We kissed yesterday,” he says slowly, trying not to make it seem as big of a deal as it feels.

But Michael’s eyes go wide and he asks sharply, “You what? And you didn’t tell me? Calum! I’m your best friend, what the fuck!”

Calum rolls his eyes, still needing to play it down because he can’t think about how Luke’s never kissed another boy before and how that makes him feel right now. “I _just_ did tell you! I told you it wasn’t true when you said I didn’t make a move.”

Michael doesn’t even look at him this time, he stares straight forward and shakes his head, “Was it that bad? Not what you expected a pop star to taste like?”

“Michael,” Caum warns, feeling unnecessarily protective and Michael looks over, concerned, asking, “What is it? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. He’s just never kissed a boy before.”

Calum watches as Michael's body tenses a bit, breathing out slowly, “Oh. That’s - Hmm. That doesn’t change anything, though, does it?”

“No. I mean, I don’t want it to but I feel --”

Calum breathes in and out slowly, thankful that it’s just Michael asking -- Michael who won’t laugh at him -- not now, not like this.

“I feel like maybe I’m not the right choice for it. Like, I dunno. Just forget it. It’s stupid.”

“Hey, it’s not stupid,” Michael says softly and Calum laughs, “It is a bit.”

Michael laughs loudly, shaking his head a little, “Maybe a little. But overthinking things when you’re in love is pretty common, I hear.”

Calum slaps at his arm, “Shut up! You are literally the worst.”

“I’m driving! Stop trying to make me run us off the road.”

Calum laughs, rolling his eyes again, “You’re such a fucking exaggerator.”

Michael laughs again, shaking his head, “Whatever,” then his voice goes softer, more gentle, “But honestly, Cal. Dunno why you’re worried. You were the first boy I ever kissed. It’s not like you’re a bad set of lips to try it out on.”

“Is that all I am to you? A set of lips? Wow. Some best friend you are!”

“ _And_ you’re trying to replace me so we’re both terrible,” he shrugs and Calum feels instantly better because Michael’s right -- it doesn’t have to be a big deal.

“Could never replace you, Mikey. You’re stuck with me.”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Just tell me this: am I a better kisser than him?”

Calum laughs and any concern he still had lingering around is gone because Michael is ridiculous and everything he ever needs in a best friend. He knows just when to joke to take his mind off of things and he’ll always love him the most for that.

“Sorry, no.”

“Whatever. Ten years of friendship and some baby blue eyed pop star comes along and you say he’s a better kisser than me. You’re a fucking dick.”

“Fine. You’re a better kisser.”

Michael rolls his eyes and his nostrils flare a bit with how hard he’s trying not to laugh, “Don’t try and placate me. The damage has been done. But it doesn’t matter because you were trashed both times so you obviously can’t be a good judge of this.”

He pauses, looking over at Calum for a moment and his eyes are sparkingly with laughter and Calum rolls his eyes before he even says it, “And you’re biased. So your opinion doesn’t matter.”

Calum shakes his head knowing there’s no use in arguing with him and goes back to texting Luke, smiling as he types back: _Yeah but it’d be no fun if Michael wasn’t an ass. So I’m not complaining._

*

Spring break is easy -- or as easy as he expects it to be when all he really wants to do is spend time with Luke. He spends almost as much time at Michael’s house playing video games as he does at home sleeping. Mali comes home Friday night for dinner and takes one look at Calum’s disheveled appearance and wrinkles her nose, asking, “Cal, have you even changed out of those sweats once since you’ve been home?”

“Uh, yeah. Like three times at least.”

Mali rolls her eyes, sighing, “Could’ve gotten dressed for me coming over. Haven’t seen you since New Year’s.”

Calum laughs, plucking at the fabric of his t-shirt, “I put on my favorite shirt for you. How rude of you not to notice.”

“You’re wearing a black undershirt! That can’t possibly be your favorite shirt,” she says as she walks forward, wrapping him up in a hug, whispering, “Missed you.”

She pulls back, holding him at arm’s length and Calum’s heart swells with how much she reminds him of their mom sometimes, “How’s college been? You look like shit right now. I hope that’s not a testament to you failing or something.”

“Ugh. I look wonderful, what’re you talking about,” Calum says with a smile and Mali shakes her head, laughing, “Keep telling yourself that, Cal.”

She sits at the end of the couch, tucking her legs under herself and Calum forgets that this isn’t common place anymore -- forgets that she’s got a place of her own and that he’s off at school for the majority of the year. He forgets that they’re not always up to date on each other’s lives anymore. He wants to ask her about her job and how she’s liking living on her own and what it’s like to make enough money to not need to rely on their parents anymore but all he ends up saying is, “So um, you know how I met Luke Hemmings?”

Mali rolls her eyes, nostrils flaring in annoyance, “Yeah, I remember. You lucky little shit. I still can’t believe you did.”

Calum needs to tell her. He needs to tell someone other than Michael and make it feel a little more real, a little more like it’s something that’s actually happening and not just some elaborate dream he’s concocted that Michael’s just enabling. But Mali’s looking at him expectantly and he freezes up a bit, not knowing how to tell her, feeling silly for even wanting to.

She tilts her head to the side, eyebrow raised questioningly, “Come on, tell me, is he an ass? Am I in love with dick? I gotta know these things.”

“No, he’s not a dick at all. He’s really nice,” he says, feeling the blush creeping up over his cheeks as he says it and hoping Mali doesn’t notice.

She narrows her eyes, pursing her lips, “What are you not telling me?”

“Nothing. I went to his show a couple months ago - he’s good. I see why you like him.”

“You went to his show?” she pouts and Calum can’t help but smile, rolling his eye, “Yeah, Mikey got me tickets for my birthday.”

“I hate you both. He’s got a tour coming up, you know, you should get me tickets for _my_ birthday.”

Calum rings his hands together nervously. He knows this is the perfect time to tell her, but it feels so weird -- like he’s bragging -- and all he can think about is what she’ll think when he does tell her and if she’ll think he’s lying.

“He does want to meet you,” he mumbles, remembering the look in Luke’s eyes as he’d told him that and how much it still makes him feel warm knowing he wants to thank his sister for being a fan and bringing them together.

He doesn’t have time to dwell on that feeling though because Mali looks at him with so much disbelief in her eyes that Calum knows this conversation won’t go the way he wants it to. She laughs, loud and bright, “Don’t play with me, Calum. I’m fully aware of the fact that I’ll probably never meet him -- you don’t have to coddle me.”

Calum smiles slightly at how strong headed she’s always been, saying seriously, “Mali, please. You know I’d never coddle you.”

He pauses briefly, trying to get the words out right, but not able to settle on anything, “I’m kinda. Like, um. We’re kind of, like --”

He can’t tell her that they kissed -- it feels like something he needs to keep tucked close to his heart and not tell anyone but Michael -- so he just shrugs, trying to make it seem like something small, finishing flatly, “We’re kinda friends now, I guess.”

She touches her hand to her mouth monetarily, he eyes widening in a brief sign of shock and then she sighs out, long and exasperatedly, laughing, “Honestly, that’s just your luck -- just my luck, too -- befriending the pop star I’m mildly obsessed with. I hate you.”

“At least I’ll probably be able to get you to meet him?”

She throws the pillow from the other end of the couch at Calum’s head, laughing as she gets up to check on dinner, saying, “Yeah, you better. I can’t believe this, honestly.”

He’ll eventually have to tell her they’re a thing, that they’ve kissed, that he’s kind of hopelessly fond of him in a way that even she’s not but for now he’s just glad to have it off his chest that he talks to him in any kind of capacity because it makes it feel realer. Makes it feel like maybe he’s not being an idiot by opening himself up to someone that’s living a completely different life than him -- that he’s not being naive in thinking that maybe he can have something with a boy that’s never around.

Mali calls him to follow her into the kitchen. She wraps her arm around him and pulls him forward, laughing, “Come on, tell me all about him. I wanna know everything.”

And this time it’s easy. This time the words come out quickly, like all he’s doing is talking about a friend from school, and it makes him feel more comfortable about it all together. Like it really is just like having a crush on a boy from class and not someone who’s not going to be around for months at a time. Like maybe if he holds onto this feeling it will all be easy.

*

March ends and April begins before he sees Luke again. He’s either gone or too busy to come by most of the time but four days before his album drops he calls Calum at fifteen past eleven, yawning, “Picking you up in ten minutes. Miss you,” and Calum doesn’t even hesitate to say, “Yeah. Hurry up.”

Michael calls after him as he’s leaving, “Aren’t you gonna bring a change of clothes?” and Calum shrugs, “Don’t wanna be presumptuous.”

Michael rolls his eyes and makes an exasperated sound at the back of his throat, “You don’t want to be presumptuous. Okay. Yeah. Hes picking you up at eleven on a Friday night because he’s taking you to _dinner_. Alright.”

“Shut up. It might not be like that.”

Michael waves his hand in the air, sighing, “Yeah, yeah. Don’t wanna see your damn face here before the morning. Have fun!”

“You’re awful,” Calum says as he walks opens the door, feeling nervous again and Michael must pick up on it, voice softening, “Don’t over think it, Cal. Just let it happen as it happens.”

There’s a buzzing in his pocket and Luke must be there but Calum can’t move, his hand stuck on the door knob and Michael laughs, “Go on, he’s not gonna wait forever.”

“Yeah, yeah. You’re right. I’ll see you later, Mikey.”

He walks to the parking lot slower than he normally would because he’s nervous and he knows it’s ridiculous but Luke makes his heart feel like it’s always caught in mid suspension and he needs more time to get himself under control before getting in his car. Michael texts him right as he gets in the car and he smiles as he reads it: _Seriously don’t over think it man. Just have fun_ and he knows he really needs to listen to him.

Luke looks exhausted and it reminds Calum of the first day he ever met him but this time there’s a brightness in his smile that just wasn’t there that first day. There’s a quality in his smile that Calum thinks might be just for him but he doesn’t want to assume so he tucks it away and hopes he’ll get to see it again -- hopes he’ll get to prove himself right one day.

“Are you hungry?”

There’s a surge of disappointment that floods over him, but he jokes, anyway, “I _told_ Michael we’d just be having dinner.”

It’s dark but Calum doesn’t miss the way Luke’s face goes red, color creeping down his neck and past the collar of his t-shirt, stammering, “Oh, no. I mean.”  
He clears his throat, smiling, “I thought maybe you could stay the night. But I figured I should probably get you food somewhere else. Don’t really wanna risk you falling asleep again while I cook for you.”

“Hey! I was sick last time you can’t hold that against me.”

Luke smiles as he finally pulls out of the parking lot, saying quietly, “Yeah, wasn’t planning on it.”

Calum’s heart skips a bit but he does a good job of keeping his composure, only smiling a little, not letting it shine through just as much as he could but Luke doesn’t mind, he smiles at him softly after and they drive in a comfortable silence until Luke looks over briefly, asking, “Do you want anything in particular?”

Luke makes Calum nervous but he also makes him feel like being truthful and right now there’s nothing more he wants than to go back to Luke’s place -- especially when he’s already eaten and even more so when he’s not seen Luke in almost a month.

“Honestly, I just wanna go back to yours.”

Luke swallows loudly, breathing in a little sharply before saying, “Yeah, okay. But I don’t - I haven’t been home for very long in a while so there’s not much food.”

“Luke, it’s past eleven thirty. I’ve already eaten. You don’t have to feed me before taking me back to your place - you can just take me back there if that’s what you want to do.”

Luke bites his lips, the flush of his cheeks still there, saying, “Yeah. Definitely want that.”

*

Luke’s apartment is messier this time. There’s a suitcase by the couch that has clothes spilling out of it and another one on the chair with a laundry basket balanced on top of it and Luke smiles at him sheepishly, “I ugh, just got home this morning. Trying to do laundry before I leave again.”

Calum motions at the clothes on the floor around his suitcase, “Did you just give up on those?”

Luke’s cheeks tinge pink and he bites his lip, sighing, “Yeah, I really do hate doing laundry. But, I dunno. I wanted to see you. It can wait until the morning.”

Calum’s mouth twitches into a smile, reluctant to let it show fully, still trying to keep this thing under control but Luke notices it and he smiles and Calum can’t contain it anymore, laughing,  
“Did you invite me over here to help you with your laundry?”

Luke blushes and it’s something Calum’s so inexplicably into that he can’t stop teasing, can’t stop smiling as he says, “Red looks good on you.”

Luke looks down at his shirt, eyebrows coming together as he says, “I’m not wea-- _oh_.”

His blush just deepens as he looks back up at Calum moving closer to him and he shakes his head softly, almost like he’s trying to clear the blush, saying softly, “Your face makes me nervous.”

It’s Calum’s turn to blush this time, face heating uncontrollably and his heart feels like it might beat right out of his chest, voice caught in his throat, unable to say anything.

Luke looks at his feet, lip pulled between his teeth and Calum wants nothing more than to kiss him, to kiss that blush away and replace it with a different kind. He grabs Luke’s hand, pulling him forward, mumbling, “You’re ridiculous, y’know,” before kissing him.

Kissing Luke sober is almost exactly like kissing Luke when he’s drunk. Except this time the taste of cheap beer is replaced with Red Bull and a hint of strawberry and it should be gross but on Luke it’s intoxicating. Luke nips at Calum’s bottom lip and the sound that he makes at the back of his throat is probably a little embarrassing, but there’s no use in hiding how desperate he is. He hasn’t seen Luke in a month and he feels completely needy with how much he wants to touch him all over.

He pulls away, mouth hot and chapped, whispering, “Maybe you should show me the rest of your apartment.”

Calum doesn’t know how much more obvious he can be but Luke bites his lip, eyes wide in surprise, asking, “What?”

Calum laughs, grabbing his hand and pulling him toward the hallway, saying firmly,“ _Luke_.,” and he finally seems to catch on, moving past him and dragging Calum along laughing, “Right. Right. Okay.”

He points at the kitchen as they go, “That’s the kitchen. Maybe I’ll make you breakfast in the morning. Toast is probably all I have right now.”

His hand is tight around Calum’s and he sounds nervous as he moves closer to his room, saying, “This is the closest I should keep all my winter clothes in during the summer. But I always forget to put them away. This is where I don’t do my laundry.”

He stops with one hand on his bedroom door, breathes in deeply before turning it and opening the door and then stalls halfway through pushing it open. Calum presses his chin against his shoulder, saying softly, “You don’t have to be nervous around me. I really --”

The words get caught in his throat but he has a feeling Luke needs to hear it more than he needs to hide it. He takes a deep breath and finishes, “I really like you,” and he can feel Luke’s shoulders loosen under him, sighing as he finally opens the door, saying, “And this is my room. It’s a disaster. I wouldn’t expect anything different. Ever.”

There’s just as many clothes in his room as there are in his living room. There’s several water bottles littering his bedside table and his bed doesn’t look like it’s been slept in in days. But the room is large and roomy and it feels lived in and comfortable and Calum likes it.

Luke sits at the edge of his bed, feet turned in and he smiles, “This is my bed. I sleep here.”

Calum laughs, “This is definitely a surprise to me. I assume you slept in the bathtub.”

Luke laughs, small and breathy and there’s a look in his eyes that compels Calum to move, mumbling frustratedly, “Goddammit man, you make me feel so --”

He shakes his head, breathing in deeply as he presses his knees against Luke’s, leaning down and kissing him again. This time it’s rougher and more sloppy because Calum’s head hurts with how much he’s trying to keep it under control and not overthink this but all he can hear in the back of his mind is Luke’s drunk giggle _I’ve never kissed a boy before_ and it’s overwhelming how much he doesn’t want to fuck this up.

He groans as he pulls away, sighing just as frustrated as before, “You make me feel so much.”

Luke laughs against his mouth, kissing him quick and hard before pulling him down, the two of them falling back haphazardly and Luke sighs, “Yeah, I know that feeling.”

Calum resituates on Luke’s lap and the blush that finally settled is back on Luke’s cheeks, creeping down his neck as Calum moves closer, pressing their mouths together again. Something seems to shift in Luke, he loses all sense of timidness he was exhibiting before and his hands are everywhere. They’re on Calum’s hips and then in Calum’s hair. Pressed against his shoulders and then dragging down his back before settling back against his hips as his thumbs dig in past the waistband of Calum’s jeans and Calum can’t help the way he grinds down against Luke’s lap, smiling against Luke’s mouth as he tightens his grip against Calum’s hips.

Luke pushes up Calum’s shirt. His hands are soft and shaking slightly and Calum kisses him harder before pulling back, slipping Luke’s hands away before pulling his shirt off, moving to take Luke’s off too. His hands curl into the the comforter for a moment and he closes his eyes tightly and Calum pauses, waiting for him to be comfortable again. Luke breathes out slowly, hand touching at Calum’s gently before saying in a hushed voice, “Okay. Yeah.”

Calum laughs, light and utterly endeared, “Luke, we don’t - if you want me to just do your laundry I can. We don’t have to --”

Luke nearly growls, nose scrunching up in distaste as he sits up a bit, almost knocking Calum off kilter with how quickly he does, kissing him again. “Stop. Don’t baby me.”

Luke flips them over, he settles on Calum’s lap and pins his wrists against the bed and looks at Calum very seriously. “I don’t.”

He sighs, closes his eyes and breathes in sharply. His face softens as he looks at Calum again, saying nervously, “I don’t want you to treat me differently about this anymore than I do about - like, making music, okay?”

This new side of Luke is interesting, it makes Calum’s stomach pull and his dick twitch and if he wasn’t absolutely turned on before he is now.

“I won’t,” Calum reassures, “I just don’t want to --”

Luke shakes his head sharply, blushing. “Please Calum, you’re already making me nervous enough just _looking at you_ please don’t - like make this a big deal. It’s not a big deal.”

Calum smiles, face burning with how Luke’s looking at him, laughing as he plucks at the fabric of Luke’s shirt, “Fine then, I think it’s time you get this off.”

Luke beams at him, face settling into something soft and satisfied, eyes twinkling with it as he takes his shirt off. Luke doesn’t give him time to take it in before he’s back on him, lips making their way down Calum’s neck, sucking at the soft skin of his pulse point and then his teeth grazing the juncture of his neck before biting down on the meat of his shoulder. It sends shivers down Calum’s back and his hips buck forward trying to create some friction between the two of them and Luke laughs against his skin -- only making the goosebumps creeping up over his skin worse.

Luke makes his way down Calum’s body, tongue flicking over each of Calum’s nipples before he trails light kisses down his chest. He pauses for a second at his hips and Calum thinks he might stop but then he undoes Calum’s pants with trembling hands and thumbs over the line of his cock, laughing at the print of his underwear, shaking his head softly, “Are these toucans?”

Calum sucks in a sharp breath as Luke slips his thumb past the waistband of his underwear, scratching lightly at the soft skin and the sound that comes out of Calum’s mouth is somewhere between a laugh and a moan, “Jesus, yes, they are.”

Luke’s hands tug at Calum’s jeans and Calum lifts his hips so he can move them further down around his knees and Luke presses his hand against the line of his cock and Calum’s vision starts to blur as Luke says, “I like them.”

Calum’s not proud of it, but he whines, “Luke, please.”

Luke pushes down the fabric of Calum’s underwear, looking up at Calum with hooded eyes and Calum tries to be patient, tries not to whine anymore, tries to stop from writhing under his gaze but when Luke presses his lips timidly against the head of his cock before taking him into his mouth, Calum has to dig his hands into the comforter to stop from bucking his hips forward.

His mouth is overwhelmingly warm and he chokes a bit going down but his hand is deft in working up a rhythm while he tries to gain composure and Calum’s head spins with it all. The feel of Luke’s mouth hollowing around him and the contrast of the metal of his lip ring against the plushness of his lips is the most overwhelming part of it all and his hips stutter the closer he gets to coming, running his hands down the back of Luke’s head and pulling lightly at his hair, choking out, “Luke, close.”

Luke pulls off slowly, wiping at his mouth before jerking Calum off, smiling as Calum comes over his hand. He wipes it on his comforter and Calum wrinkles his nose, “You really did bring me here to do your laundry.”

Luke’s body shakes with laughter and Calum pulls him forward, kissing him hard on the mouth before flipping the two of them over and settling between his legs to return the favor.

*

In the morning he wakes up with a new blanket curled around him in an empty bed and he’d be more concerned if he couldn’t hear Luke singing in the shower. He comes out ten minutes later with wet hair pushed back out of his face in nothing but a pair of tight black boxer briefs. He’s fidgeting with the towel draped around his shoulders, smiling shyly as he says good morning and Calum knows he could get used to waking up to this and that’s a little terrifying.

Calum rubs at his eyes, feeling a bit childish as he whines, “We’re gonna have to make some rules about you being so pretty in the morning.”

“At this point I think you’ve just got a thing for making me blush,” he says as the familiar hint of red creeps back up over his face and Calum laughs, admitting, “Yeah, I really do.”  
The color on Luke’s cheeks deepen and Luke pulls the towel off his shoulder, rubbing it through his hair, “Oh, I - okay.”

Calum sits up in bed, letting the blanket fall around his waist, smiling softly, “So what’re the plans for today? Laundry? Breakfast? Packing? When do you leave again?”

Luke walks to his closet, shoulders slumping a bit, “Tonight.”

“What? I thought you - but you’ve been gone so much the last month.”

Luke laughs, short and airy and it’s not amused at all, pouting as he peeks out from the closet, “Yeah, I know. I’m ready to stop moving. I’m tired.”

Calum suddenly feels small and vulnerable in Luke’s bed, like he doesn’t belong, and he doesn’t like it. “I’m ready for you to stop moving, too,” Calum admits.

Luke comes out a moment later, dressed in all black and throws his towel at Calum, laughing, “No. Don’t get all sad. I’ll be back soon. Promise.”

Calum sighs, “I’m not sad. I’m just - nevermind.”

He gets out of the bed, moving toward the bathroom and Luke asks, “Hey, what’s wrong?”

Calum shakes his head, scratching at the back of his neck, “Nothing. Just miss your stupid face when you’re gone.”

Luke laughs again, this time it’s the bright sound that Calum likes and it makes him feel better, making his heart stutter as he opens the bathroom door to find a mess of water all over the floor, sighing at how much of a tornado Luke really is. “Don’t think I’m gonna miss how messy you are though, like, did you even try to get any of this water in the tub?”

Luke follows him into the bathroom, tucking his chin over Calum’s shoulder and whining, “No, not you, too. It’s not even that bad.”

“There’s practically a lake in here,” Calum laughs, moving toward the sink and asking, “Where’s your mouth wash?”

Luke sounds confused as he answers and Calum shrugs, “If you’re leaving tonight we should really make the most of your time here and I’m not exactly gonna do that with morning breath now am I?”

Calum can feel the heat of Luke’s cheek against his and it makes him smile, laughing as Luke breathes out, “ _Oh_.”

*

The next week and a half is awful. The semester is ending and Michael’s terribly needy when he’s stressed and Calum barely has any time alone to himself -- let alone any time to properly talk to Luke -- and they end up playing a lot of phone tag between Luke’s hectic promo schedule and Calum trying not to lose focus right before finals.

A week after Luke’s album comes out he calls Calum at half past midnight, slurring his words as he giggles down the line.

He drags out Calum’s name, laughing more, “Calum, Cal. Hey. Hi. I miss you.”

Michael’s sleeping in his bed and Calum tries to keep it down as he laughs, asking amused, “Luke, are you drunk?”

“What? No. I’ve only had like - Ashton stop - I’m talking. I’ve only had a few beers,” he says and Calum can just make out Ashton’s laugh in the background saying, “He’s trashed.”

“I’m not. Shut up,” he laughs and Calum knows he’s lying because it’s the same laugh he’d heard at the party before spring break -- the same one he’s cataloged in his mind as Luke’s drunk laugh -- and his heart feels warm hearing it again, imagining the way Luke’s eyes crinkle up when he laughs too hard.

“You sound a bit drunk.”

“Shh. No. Stop distracting me.”

“I’m not doing anything!” Calum says, laughing at the way Luke whines as he continues, “You _are_. You’re distracting. Now shhh. I called for a reason.”

“And what was that?”

“Stop it - Ashton keeps trying to take the phone away from me. Anyway, I think,” he laughs breathily, and Calum wants to be with him, wants to pull him forward and kiss him, tell him to shut up and get on with it. But when Luke continues Calum’s heart stops and his face flushes and he coughs out, wanting to make sure he heard him right. “What did you say?”

Luke repeats himself, insistent, “I think we should fuck when I get home.”

“Jesus Christ, Luke. You can’t just--”

Calum’s hot all over, turned on by how forward Luke is being and he breathes out slowly, trying to gain composure, continuing, “You can’t just call me right as I’m going to sleep to tell me you wanna fuck. That’s not fair when I can’t see you for another week and a half.”

“Maybe we should --”

Calum doesn’t ever get to find out what they should do though because in the next moment Ashton’s on the line, laughing frustratedly, “He’s a little - um, just like, he misses you, okay. He’s gonna be embarrassed in the morning, please don’t be mean to him about it.”

“Ashton, I can assure you I’m not going to be.”

“Right, good --Luke, shut up. Go to bed. You’re being ridiculous,” Ashton laughs and Calum can only imagine what Luke’s doing, heart sinking at how much Ashton gets to see that Calum never will and he shakes his head, not wanting to dwell on that. Instead, he laughs, “Take care of him - sounds like he’s gonna have a killer headache in the morning.”

“Yeah,” Ashton says and Calum imagines that he’s rolling his eyes. “George never knows how to say no to the two of us when we want beer and I never know how to say no to Luke when he wants to celebrate. But that’s probably nothing you want to hear about. I’ll let you go. Sorry if he woke you.”

Calum doesn’t know what it is about Ashton that makes him need to be so assuring but it’s almost like Calum feels the need to prove himself to Ashton -- prove that he’s good enough for Luke and he smiles, saying, “I never mind hearing from him. I don’t mind.”

Ashton pauses for a beat, laughing softly, “Good. Because he’s gone for you, man.”

Ashton hangs up after saying a quick goodbye and it takes Calum forever to fall asleep because all he can think about is the fact that Luke wants to fuck him and how much he wants it, too, and how desperate it makes him feel that Luke won’t be home until the end of the month.

*

The Tuesday before Luke comes home, Calum has an awful day. There’s a pop quiz in his english class on a book he forgot to read and the paper he did for his history class gets passed back and a B is good but he thought he did better and he’s disappointed. It doesn’t help that Brad is sitting behind him today, talking to Jeff about how awful Luke’s new music video is and it makes Calum’s stomach swirl uncomfortably. He can’t pay attention to anything other than how much he needs to see Luke and how utterly exhausting it is to want someone so much when they’re not around.

By the time he gets back to his dorm, he’s glad Michael has class until later because he’s not ready to talk to anyone. He takes a hot shower and washes away the stress of the day, but his mind slips to the last time he saw Luke and how he’d gotten on his knees and blown Luke in the middle of the shower and his cock thickens at the memory.

He’s frustrated and turned on and he’s tired of missing Luke. He’s stressed out thinking about how desperate he is after only two weeks and he feels a bit like he’s going to lose his mind when he remembers that soon he’s going to have to last an entire tour. He shuts off the water and dries off quickly, pulling his phone out of the pocket of his jeans lying on the floor, scrolling through his contacts quickly to call Luke.

He’s relieved when Luke answers, sighing, “Hey, do you have a minute to skype?”

“Yeah, is something wrong?”

“No I just had a shitty day and wanna see you.”

“Okay. Just give me ten minutes, alright? Gotta get rid of Ashton.”

“Hurry up. I don’t have all day,” he laughs and Luke reprimands him for being so impatient before hanging up and it makes the tightness of his shoulders shrink a little and he feels good enough to text Michael: _Don’t come back until I tell you. Skyping with Luke_.

He laughs loudly as he sets up on his bed, computer balanced on his lap, skype window opened and waiting as Michael texts him back: _1) don’t do it in my bed. 2) don’t be too loud you know Justin next door is a dick about things._

Calum puts his phone away, shaking his head at how Michael never fails to jump to the dirtiest thought first and no matter how innocent Calum’s intentions had been at first when Luke’s face appears on his screen, all he wants to do is get off in front of him.

He narrows his eyes and bites his lips and asks with a nervous laugh, “Are you naked?”

“No. I have underwear on. But I could be.”

“Calum,” Luke says, voice colored with shock, “I’m gonna be home in like four days!”

“Yeah I know. But the thing is you’re fucking hot and I’m just gonna jack off thinking about you later, anyway, so -- I dunno. We could make a date out of it.”

Luke’s face clouds over, eyes darting over Calum’s face intently and he shifts in his seat. The light is low on Luke’s side but Calum doesn’t miss the blush or the way he scratches at the back of his neck as he asks slowly, “You’re serious, aren’t you?”  
Calum is but only if Luke’s into it and now he feels a little nervous that he’s been too forward, mumbling, “Yeah, but --”

“Stop. We still gotta work on this thing where you’re not comfortable telling me what you want because you think you’re gonna scare me off. Jesus Christ, Cal, you really don’t realize how into you I am, do you?”

It’s Calum’s turn to blush and he rubs at his face to try and shake it off, mumbling, “Okay. Maybe. But like --”

“But nothing. I want to do it. Been thinking about it for a while, I just didn’t know how to bring it up. Except that time I was drunk and Ashton took the phone away from me like an asshole.”

Calum’s been half hard since he got out of the shower and hearing Luke admit that he’s wanted this as much as Calum does makes the blood rush to his cock and he nearly moans, covering it with a cough, laughing, “We gotta work on our communication, eventually.”

“Yeah, definitely. But right now I think we have other things to worry about.”

Calum sighs heavily, positioning his laptop to the side of him so that more of his body can be seen and he laughs as Luke bites his lip, “Now who’s the impatient one?”

Luke moves his computer too and his face shrinks but Calum can make out how hard he is in his jeans now and he says soft, “Think you’ve got too many clothes on for this.”

Luke rolls his eyes, stripping off his shirt and throwing it off to the side and unbuttoning his jeans and Calum can’t wait any longer before pressing his hand against his cock, sighing at the tiny bit of relief the touch causes.

Luke’s voice comes back with a laugh, “Can’t even wait for me to get my clothes off, god.”

He pushes his underwear out of the way and wraps his hand around himself lightly, moving his wrist slowly, getting harder with each moment Luke’s eyes linger over his body.

Calum runs his thumb over the slit of his cock and lets out a soft moan and Luke’s eyes go wide and he finally touches himself, too. Luke’s body flushes bright red with every minute that passes and Calum squeezes his cock harder on the up stroke, saying, “Can’t wait to get my mouth on you again.”

Luke tips his head back against the wall, breathing out sharply, “Fuck. You can’t just --”

His hand speeds up and he looks right at Calum and nearly whimpers, “I hate you. You’re not playing fair.”

“I’m not playing,” he insists, toes curling as he speeds his hand up, getting closer to coming, saying, “I want your cock in my mouth.”

Luke closes his eyes, biting his lip hard as he comes with a muffled moan over his hand and Calum follows shortly after, smiling smugly at how flushed and panting Luke is on his end of the screen, laughing as he says, “It’s gonna be a long four days.”

“Yeah, but it’ll be worth it when you get home,” he says as he wipes his hand on his underwear, wrinkling his nose, “Now I’m gonna have to change.”

Luke’s laugh is soft and light as he shakes his head, “And I’m gonna have to explain to Ashton why I’m so red so who’s really got it worse here?”

Calum raises his eyebrow, laughing, “You could just say you went for a run.”

“Oh yeah, he’s gonna come back to the hotel room and I’m just gonna tell him I was running in here -- what? In circles?”

“It’s better than the alternative?”

Luke sits up a little, resituating the computer on his lap, laughing again, “You’re ridiculous.”

Then he pauses, face softening as he asks, “Are you feeling better now?”

“Yeah, I am. Guess I just needed to get off.”

Luke tilts his head, rolling his eyes, affecting his voice, “Oh yeah, Luke, thanks for relieving my stress. That was really nice of you.”

“I don’t sound like that!” Calum laughs, feeling calmer and more relaxed with each moment that passes with Luke laughing with him.

“Thank you, though. For this.”

Luke smiles widely, eyes bright and still a little hooded, “Not a problem. Think this will probably become a routine if we -- if we keep this up.”

He sounds nervous and Calum smiles, soothing, “Yeah, think I’d like that.”

*

The rest of the week passes by agonizingly slow and Michael is absolutely no help. On Friday Michael comes back to the dorm and flops down on top of Calum, laughing, “Today’s the day! Your boy's home.”

Calum pushes him off, grumbling, “You’re insufferable.”

“Pot,” he points at Calum and then to himself, “meet kettle. Because I’m nothing compared to you moping.”

“I haven’t been moping!”

“Alright, if you say so. But it doesn’t matter because he’s back today and good lord am I ready to see your smile again.”

Calum pushes at Michael’s face, laughing, “Are you ever gonna stop getting a kick out of this?”

“No, absolutely not. I love you, Cal, but I’ve never seen you like this before and I am going to enjoy it while it lasts.”

Michael purses his lips before Calum can even say anything, laughing, “Don’t get defensive! You’re cute when you’re in love.”

“I’m _not_ \--”

“In love. I know I know,” he says, rolling his eyes.

He reaches in his back pocket and smiles ridiculously, “Anyway, I got you this.”

He slips a small bottle into Calum’s hand and laughs when Calum’s face flushes, saying, “Jesus Christ, Michael! I hate you so much.”

“And I’m just making sure you’re prepared for anything that might happen.”

“No, you’re trying to embarrass me,” he laughs, getting out of the bed and smacking Michael’s arm.

Michael turns over on his back, pouting with his arms crossed over his chest, “That hurt.”

Calum shakes his head, throwing the bottle back at Michael, “Stop being a dick.”

He's laughing but Michael narrows his eyes, propping himself up on his elbows, asking seriously, “You're nervous, aren't you?”

“No, stop. Don't. It's not a big deal. He doesn't want it to be a big deal so I'm not gonna make it a big deal.”

Michael purses his lips. He sits up fully, crossing his legs and puts his hands in his lap and Calum's reminded of Mali and how she always looks like this right before she gives him a lecture. “Calum Hood, I am your best friend. I can see right through you. Please don't _lie_ to me. It doesn't have to be a big deal but that doesn't mean you can't be nervous.”

Calum rolls his eyes, sighing, “I'm not nervous! He's just another boy. I have nothing to be nervous about.”

“Calum," Michael starts but Calum doesn't let him finish, scrubbing his hand over his face, feeling a little jittery with how nervous he actually is, nearly pleading, "Stop, okay? I'm like, maybe a little nervous. But it's dumb and I don't want to talk about it because it's ridiculous - and don't look at me like that - it _is_ ridiculous and I don't like feeling like this.”

“Feeling like what?”

“Like I can't control my emotions. Like I don't - never mind. Just forget it.”

Michael tilts his head to the side, smiling softly, and the hairs on Calum's neck prickle at the thought of what's coming, rushing out, "Don't you dare say the word love."

Michael smiles wider, laughing, "I was just going to say you like him _a lot._ "

Calum throws his hands up in the air, "Obviously! And that's the problem. Because he's gone so much and what if - no, I'm not gonna think about it. And neither are you. He's home today and I'm just not gonna worry about it."

Michael shakes his head and then throws the bottle at Calum, saying, "Keep that. You'll need it eventually."

Calum's phone buzzes in his pocket and he swipes open a new message from Luke: _Just landed. Stay with me this weekend?_

If he wasn't nervous before, he definitely is now, and he types back _love to_ as he tries to calm the beating of his heart by joking with Michael, “I hope you can get through the weekend without me. Luke wants me to stay with him."

Michael smiles softly but doesn't say anything more than, “Yeah, I think I'll manage,” and Calum appreciates it more than anything.

*

When Luke picks Calum up later it’s surprising how comfortable he feels -- how the nerves he’d been feeling earlier in the day slip away the minute he slips into Luke’s passenger seat. Luke smiles at him easily, eyes crinkling with the force of it, laughing a little, “You know, if I didn’t know better, I’d say you were the one who just got home from a two and a half week promo tour - you look exhausted.”

“Nice to see you, too.”

Luke reaches over the console to squeeze Calum’s knee, face softening, “It _is_ nice to see you. Ashton says I have the weekend to pull it together because rehearsals start Monday for like, real this time and I can’t be _distracted_ but he’s full of shit. I’m never distracted.”

“If I remember correctly, you were just talking about how distracting I am not too long ago,” Calum teases and Luke’s face flushes as he pouts, “You’re supposed to take my side.”

“And you’re supposed to want to hang out with me on your own volition not because Ashton doesn’t want you distracted!” Calum laughs and Luke’s pout deepens, saying softly, too sincere for the moment, “I always wanna hang out with you, Calum. That’s the problem.”

Calum smiles, nerves flaring up again with how honest Luke’s being, “Yeah, think we’re in the same boat there.”

Luke looks a little smug with Calums admission, smiling as he finally starts driving, “Good, because I’d hate to be the only one feeling this way.”

Calum’s heart flutters and his pulse quickens and he can feel his smile deepening and he tries to play it off, tries to keep the fondness he feels for Luke at bay, teasing, “Oh, well in that case, you’re all alone in that.”

“Wow,” Luke says, drawing out the word in exaggeration, “here I thought we had something special.”

Calum sighs, feeling the fondness and nerves flare up again in the pit of his stomach, “Don’t be ridiculous, Luke, you haven’t fed me. We can’t have anything special until after that.”

“Oh, you’re actually going to let me feed you tonight? We’re really making progress here,” he laughs and Calum’s heart finally settles, feeling easy and comfortable again.

They drive in silence save for the sound of Calum shaking his leg and Luke singing along to the radio under his breath. At dinner Luke does most of the talking. It’s not that Calum doesn’t have anything to say -- it’s just that Luke gets this look in his eyes when he talks about music and it’s mesmerizing to the point where Calum doesn’t feel like interrupting.

The waiter brings them their check and Luke’s face softens, titling his head to the side as he says, “I’ve got this if you’d like.”

Calum wants to say yes because it looks like something Luke would really like to do, but then there’s a noise behind him and three girls come over giggling and he gets distracted by the way Luke’s face falls before a tight, wide smile slips over his features, never quite meeting his eyes.

Luke’s voice is calm and sincere when he looks up at them, smile growing a bit as he looks up at the girls, saying, “Hello, may I help you?”

The oldest of the three smiles shyly, pushing her hair out of her face and asking nervously, “I really hate to interrupt your dinner but my sisters here really love you and--”

She stops and breathes in sharply, appearing to be steeling herself up to finish and Luke takes pity on her, speaking to the two younger girls in front of him, “Would you two like a picture?”

They nod their heads vigorously, faces lighting up as Luke reaches his hands out and pulls them forward, smiling as he turns in his chair so they can stand in front of him, “Then come on.”

He rests his hands on their shoulders, face between theirs and he smiles, the one he does in a lot of fan photos where his tongue is pushed between his teeth, and Calum’s heart pangs with fondness as the two girls giggle when their sister takes the picture and says, “Tell him thank you,” after she lowers her phone.

They turn back to him, giggling just as much as they say their thank yous and then Luke looks up at the sister, asking, “Would you like one too?”

She tilts her head the the side and bites her lip and Calum’s stomach twists uncomfortably at the way Luke watches her do it. He fidgets with the hole in his jeans and tries not to watch Luke as she says, “Yeah, if you don’t mind,” and the way he slips his hand around her waist as he stands to get in the picture with her.

It’s ridiculous for Calum to feel jealous of a fan but seeing him interact with the girls in the middle of their dinner just solidifies the fact that Luke has a whole other part of his life that he’s never really going to be able to turnoff. One that Calum’s never really going to be able to understand fully and it makes his heart race with how much he _wants_ to understand every part of Luke and that’s just a little frustrating.

The girls leave and Luke looks back at Calum, apologetic as he says, “I’m so sorry --”

But Calum just shrugs his shoulders, shaking his head, “This is part of your life. Something I’m gonna have to get used to if I plan on keeping _you_ around.”

Luke smiles meekly, then he wrinkles his nose, laughing, “Who says I’m not the one keeping you around?”

Calum likes that he’s joking, it makes him feel a bit better about how ridiculous he feels, smiling, “Honestly who are we kidding? I’m the catch here.”

Luke’s response is a loud burst of laughter. He dips his head and covers his face with his hands, shoulders shaking with how funny he thinks it is and when he calms, he looks back up at Calum, eyes shining with laughter, “Yeah, you really are.”

*

By the time they get back to Luke’s apartment, Calum is just as jittery with excitement over Luke agreeing that he’s the catch as he is worked up by the idea of Luke having his hands on other’s people’s waists. The thought of other people getting to see parts of Luke that he very rarely can because Luke’s always away makes his stomach flip uncomfortably and Luke barely closes the door before Calum’s attaching his lips to Luke’s.

He breathes out soft and ragged as he pulls away, “I really fucking missed you, you idiot.”

Luke slips Calum’s bag off of his shoulder, brushing past him as he heads to his room, calling back, “Are you coming or not? I didn’t invite you over here for snacks.”

Calum laughs as he follows, pushing at Luke’s shoulders as they cross into his room, “You could at least pretend you’re into me for something other than my body.”

Luke’s eyes flash with something that makes Calum’s blood run hot. He watches him set his bag down at the edge of his bed and looks at Calum in disbelief, shaking his head softly, “You’re an idiot.”

Calum walks toward Luke slowly, pouting, “I’m not.”

Luke pulls Calum forward, rolling his eyes and kissing Calum again. It’s quick and hard and Luke’s mouth is gone before Calum wants and then he’s saying, “I like you for other things, too. Like, your hair - you have very nice hair.”

Calum pushes Luke lightly and he falls back on the bed exaggeratedly, laughing as he kicks his shoes off, “Don’t look so put out - you do have nice hair.”

Calum toes off his shoes, shaking his head as he climbs up on top of Luke, feeling smug when Luke bites his lip as Calum settles on his lap, sucking in a shallow breath as Calum grinds down lightly, saying, “You have pretty alright hair yourself.”

Luke laughs, pulling Calum down by the front of his shirt, mumbling, “Come here, won’t you.”

He sighs softly as Calum kisses him, curling his hand around the base of Calum’s neck and pulling him in closer. Calum bites at Luke's bottom lip and his hands fly to Calum's hips. He kisses down his jaw, scraping his teeth lightly over the soft skin below his ear before kissing down his neck. He stops to suck a small mark into the skin above his collar and Luke's hands tighten around his hips as Calum pulls away, plucking at the fabric of Luke's tank top, saying, “I think it's time for this to come off.”

Luke smiles, eyes brighter than usual and he pushes up Calum’s shirt, fingers soft as they graze Calum’s skin, agreeing, “Yeah, we’ve had too many clothes on this entire time.”

Calum takes his shirt off and tries not to get distracted by the way Luke’s eyes trail over his body or the way it makes his jeans tighten against his dick and how he really just wants Luke to fuck him already.

“Yours, too,” Calum says impatiently and Luke smiles easily, sitting up a little to take his off and throwing it to the side as Calum kisses him again. He grinds his hips down and smiles into the kiss as Luke lets out a soft, little moan.

Things move faster after that, Luke moving his hips forward in search of friction and Calum smiles against Luke’s skin as he trails kisses down his chest. He bites into the skin of Luke’s hipbones as he undoes his jeans and Luke whines impatiently. Calum hovers over him, cupping him through his jeans and Luke bites his lip, rushing out, “Please, Calum.”

He pushes the fabric of Luke’s underwear down just enough to where he can kiss the head of Luke’s cock, sucking hard at the tip before pulling away, tapping at Luke’s hips for him to lift and pulling his jeans and underwear down. Luke kicks out of them hurriedly, feet getting caught up in his impatience and he looks up at Calum, flushes and desperate sounding, “Will you just --”

His words get lost as Calum dips down and licks a line up the underside of his cock before swallowing him down and Luke mumbles out, “Fuck, okay,” as Calum hollows out his cheeks around him. When he pulls off Luke’s flush across his cheeks is more prominent than before and has crept down onto his chest and Calum’s caught off guard by how good he looks like this. Luke breathes out heavily, impatience lacing his voice, “Still too many clothes.”

Calum smirks, nerves bubbling up again, asking as evenly as he can, “What do you want, Luke?”  
Luke pulls him back down toward him, kissing him hard and fast, pulling away only to mumble against Calum’s shoulder between soft kisses, “I’d like you to take your pants off --”

He swallows roughly, body tensing momentarily beneath Calum before saying firmly, “And then if you’d like, I’d like to fuck you.”

Calum’s breath hitches and his heart stutters and he can feel Luke’s face heat up against his neck. He pulls back, smiling smugly at how worked up Luke is beneath him, pushing away any nerves he has remaining, saying, “Good, that’s what I’ve been wanting you to say.”

He crawls off the bed, ignoring Luke’s whine and rummages through his bag for the bottle of lube and the condoms he’d packed just in case. He throws them at Luke and then slips out of the rest of his clothes, trying not to pay attention to the jump of his heart caused by Luke’s eyes lingering over his flushed cock.

Luke is passing the bottle of lube between his hands when Calum settles by his side and Calum smiles gently, saying, “I can do it, if you want,” but Luke’s eyes are set as he looks back at Calum, saying with determination, “No, I can.”

Luke clasps the bottle tight in his hand as he settles between Calum’s legs then he swallows Calum down and his thumb is brushing lightly against his rim and Calum can’t seem to pay attention to anything else other than the heat of Luke’s mouth around him. He slips the first finger in cautiously, mouth bobbing slower against Calum and it’s all a little too much. He feels desperate and needy and before long he’s whining out, “More, now.”

Luke takes his time opening Calum up and Calum tries his best not to be impatient, tries not to push down too much against Luke’s fingers, tries to seem a little less desperate than he feels. But Luke looks at him like he’s one of the nicest things he’s ever seen while scissoring him open and Calum just can’t help how wrecked he sounds as he pushes at Luke’s shoulder, saying, “Come on, fuck me already.”

Luke’s eyebrows furrow, asking, “Are you sure?” and Calum tries to keep the impatience out of his voice, only coming up a little short as he say, “Yes, _please_.”

Luke pushes in just as slow as he had with his fingers and Calum is even more overwhelmed by the feeling of Luke bottoming out inside him than anything else that’s happened so far. He looks at Calum with blown eyes but doesn’t make to move until Calum wraps his legs around Luke’s waist and for how cautious he’d been at the beginning Luke is surprisingly rough once he starts fucking into him. Calum feels like every nerve in his body is on fire once Luke hits his prostate, surging forward and bringing Luke in for a messy kiss, not trusting himself to be quiet.

Luke drags Calum’s lip between his teeth and Calum loses the bit of composure he was hanging onto, feeling his face flare with heat as Luke’s name slips out of his mouth in a low, breathy moan. But it makes Luke snap his hips forward harder and faster and he reaches between the two of them to wrap his hand around Calum’s cock so he tries not to worry about how loud he’s being. Instead, he revels in the way Luke’s hips stutter as Calum clenches around him, breathing out sharply, “Fuck.”

Calum’s close when Luke starts fucking into him with short, erratic thrusts and when he clenches around him again, Luke burrows his face into Calum’s shoulder, biting down as he comes. He kisses Calum quick and hard before working him the rest of the way off. Calum comes hot over Luke’s hand and the two of them lie next to each other panting until Luke laughs, voice coming out rougher than usual, “I feel like I’m gonna have to wash my sheets a lot more with you around.”

Calum turns his head, trying to hide his laughter as he slaps at Luke’s chest, joking, “Good because I only like boys with clean sheets.”

*  
They spend the majority of the rest of the weekend fooling around. Calum learns that Luke’s left nipple is more sensitive than his right, that the skin around his collarbones is especially receptive to hickies and he comes harder than anything with fingers digging into his thighs and Calum’s mouth around his cock. He also learns that though he’s never particularly liked it from anyone else, the feel of Luke’s stubble rubbing against his thighs is overwhelming.

On Sunday he finds out what Luke looks like when he’s flushed and frantic because of someone other than Calum and he doesn’t like it at all. Calum’s lying on the couch in his underwear, texting Michael, while Luke’s in the kitchen as the door opens and Ashton comes bursting in, laughing loudly, “Come on, Luke! I’ve been trying to get in touch with you all weekend! You know we have a lunch date today.”

He stops short when he sees Calum lying out on the couch, eyebrows pinching together momentarily before mumbling, “Fuck. Jesus.”

Calum raises his eyebrows, motioning for the kitchen, “He’s in there if you need him.”

Ashton’s got a hint of pink coloring the apples of his cheeks and he smiles awkwardly, “Sorry to interrupt,” then he calls out louder walking toward the kitchen, “I hope you have clothes on, Luke. You could’ve _told_ me he was still over, I would’ve knocked first!”

Luke walks around the corner into the living room, tense smile on his lips, eyes wide and embarrassed as he crosses his arms over his chest, mumbling, “You should’ve knocked anyway.”

Ashton’s eyes trail over Luke’s collarbones and he scratches the back of his neck, whistling a little, “Well, you two have been having fun this weekend.”

“Ashton!” Luke says, blush creeping over his skin and Calum’s stomach twists unpleasantly because it doesn’t look good on him this time -- it just looks uncomfortable.

Luke touches at the marks scattering his skin, blushing deeper, eyes flicking to Calum quickly and apologetically before saying sharply, “Knock next time or I’ll take your fucking key away.”

Ashton puts his hands up, saying quickly, “Don’t get so defensive. I’m just teasing you.”

Luke’s eyes sharpen, mumbling, “Whatever, Ash,” before turning and walking toward his bedroom, calling over his shoulder, “You better know where you wanna go for lunch since you barged in here without calling!”

Ashton sucks in a sharp breath, offended, “I _did_ call you! You just never answer me when you’re with Calum!”

Luke doesn’t answer and Ashton stands there awkwardly, only turning to face Calum when Calum says, “Would you like me to get dressed, too?”

“What?” he asks quickly. His eyes go wide as he sees Calum sitting up, scratching at his neck and then he sighs, saying, “Are you going to distract him if you go back there?”

Calum’s smile comes easy, shrugging, “Probably. But I could try not to if it’s important -- the lunch you two have.”

Ashton laughs awkwardly, “It’s not important. It’s just a standing thing we have. We go to lunch before his rehearsals start. But it looks like he doesn’t really wanna go today.”

He looks like he’s trying to hide how upset he is and Calum feels a little bad about it, smiling as he gets up, “Then it is important. Standing dates are standing dates for a reason.”

Ashton’s smile is a bit overwhelming and it makes Calum’s stomach flip a little when Ashton says thank you. He shrugs his shoulders, walking back toward Luke’s room, saying, “Didn’t do anything to need thanks.”

Ashton shakes his head, smiling more, “Thanks for understanding, though. He’s blowing up and I’m just a bit - you know, never mind.”

Calum raises his eyebrow, saying softly, “Bit worried he’s not gonna need you soon?”

Ashton sighs, shoulders slumping a bit, “Yeah but that’s stupid. He’s not gonna let it go to his head like that.”

He rubs his hands over his face, shaking his head a little harder, almost like he’s trying to force the thoughts away, saying “Sorry to bother you with that shit. Probably not something you really wanna hear about.”

Calum’s heart quickens and he doesn’t know what it is about Ashton that makes him feel comfortable telling him something that he hasn’t even really told Michael, but he shrugs his shoulders and says, “Honestly? You’re not the only one who feels that way, man. At least you have history with him.”

Ashton looks like he’s about to argue against that but then Luke’s coming around the corner. He looks at the two of them curiously, smiling, “Enjoying the view, Ashton?”

“Luke!” Calum says at the same time as Ashton rolls his eyes, saying, “No, but I’m sure you are.”

“I am here! In this room!” Calum says laughing and Luke grabs at his hand and pulls him back toward his room, telling Ashton, “Give us a minute and then we’ll go to lunch. Wherever you want.

Luke shut the door to his bedroom as Ashton calls out, “No more hickeys! You’re gonna have a hard enough time covering that shit up and you know you’re gonna be papped at rehearsals!”

Then he kisses Calum hard on the mouth and laughs, “Speaking of rehearsals you should come by sometime- bring Michael if you’d like,” and all the worry that had been building up inside him since talking to Ashton fades away because Luke wants him around and for now, that’s all that should matter.

*

Calum spends the majority of his time after class over the next week with Luke. He and Michael go to as many rehearsals as they can find time to until Ashton bans them from coming anymore because they keep distracting Luke. Luke pouts about it but Ashton is insistent after the drummer from Luke’s band lies on the floor in the middle of practice, whining, “Ash, if Luke’s just gonna dick around I want cake. You know that kind that’s really chocolatey from that one place that you got me for my birthday last year. ”

Ashton throws his hands up in the air and then points at Calum and Michael, “You two can’t come anymore! This is your fault. This whole week has been a mess because you two won’t stop messing around.”

Then he turns to Luke, stern look slipping a little as he looks at Luke’s pout, saying a little softer, but just so, “And you, you’re no better than them and now look at Claire! Distracted. She’s the most focused!”

Michael burrows his face into the back of Calum’s shoulder, laughing into him, “I’ve never seen him like this, this is amazing.”

Claire kicks at Ashton’s legs, not making contact because she’s too far away, laughing, “Hey! I’m not the most focused. Look at Ryan, he hasn’t even blinked an eye once since they’ve been here. He’s obviously the most focused.”

Ashton narrows his eyes, “Are you seriously arguing _against_ being focused?”

Claire smiles, sitting up and crossing her legs, hands in her lap, pouting, “Yes. It’s boring. I’m not boring, Ashton.”

Ashton sighs in frustration, pinches the bridge of his nose and says firmly, “We’re gonna take a half hour break and then, please, we really have to get focused here.”

Claire stands up, pats Ashton on the face and smiles playfully, “Aye, aye, captain,” then she links her arm through Ashton’s and pulls him away, saying, “Now about that cake.”

Luke laughs as he walks away, turning to Calum and Michael, saying, “I guess you two can’t come anymore - making it to where we can’t get our jobs done.”

Michael laughs over Calum’s shoulder, “You’re just gonna let him kick us out like this? You’re such a dick, Luke.”

Calum kicks at his foot and Michael grabs his waist, tickling him, “Stop it. You’re so fucking mean to me.”

Luke’s eyes sharpen in that way they do sometimes when Michael and Calum get close and Calum pushes back against Michael, laughing as he untangles himself from him, “I’m not mean. Luke’s obviously the mean one letting us get kicked out because he can’t be professional.”

Luke pouts, lip jutting out comically, and he whines, “You’re supposed to take my side.”

Calum laughs, patting Luke’s cheek lightly, “Always take your side, Lukey, just not when you’re obviously the one _getting distracted_ and you’re letting us take the blame.”

Luke leans into the touch of Calum’s hand, smiling gently, breathing out softly, “Lukey.”

Calum’s heart flutters and he tries not to smile, pushing at Luke’s face, “Shut up.”

Michael sighs, pushing at Calum’s shoulders a little, “You two are --”

“Michael, don’t say it,” Calum laughs .

Michael doesn’t go on. He walks past them and over to where Marty is quietly playing with his bass, calling back over his shoulder, “Honestly, Luke, you should take a page out of Marty’s book! He’s not lost focus this entire time.”

Luke rolls his eyes, “He’s almost as bad as Ashton.”

“Oh no, he’s worse. Because he actually doesn’t care if you’re focused or not, he’s just giving you shit because he can.”

Luke sighs but he smiles a little fondly, anyway, saying, “You’re right. He’s the worst.”

Twenty minutes later Ashton and Claire come back with a box full of cupcakes and Claire passes them around with a smile, saying, “This isn’t what I wanted but it’ll have to do on such a tight schedule.”

She says it pointedly and Ashton sighs, griping, “I bought them and you didn’t even say thank you!”

She shrugs, “Thanks, but I think it’s only fair since you’re running such a tight ship.”

Luke nods his head and Ashton just rolls his eyes, saying, “I hate all of you, honestly.”

Michael takes a cupcake and then grabs Calum’s wrist, pulling him along, stopping at Ashton to give him a sloppy kiss on the cheek as he squirms away, pouting, “I especially hate you.”

“Love you, too, Ash,” he says as he drags Calum along, asking, “See you tomorrow? Cal and I are celebrating the last day of class with the fanciest burgers we can find.”

“Yeah, yeah. If you two promise to stop showing up here and distracting everyone.”

Calum nods, saying as seriously as he can, “Course. Scout’s honor!”

*  
Michael’s idea of the fanciest burger he can find ends up being a hole in the wall place ten minutes away that has unlimited toppings for only five dollars. They sit in a booth at the back of the restaurant for nearly an hour before Michael yawns, tucking his head on Calum’s shoulder, batting his eyelashes, “Calum, please drive home. I think I’ve died.”  
Calum scratches at the back of Michael’s head and Michael leans into it just as Calum’s pushing him away, saying, “No, I’m going back with Luke tonight. You’re on your own.”

Michael pouts, “We’re supposed to be celebrating the end of classes. Why do you hate me? Is it because I make fun of you for being --”

Calum puts his hand over Michael’s mouth, saying sharply, “Don’t say it. I swear to god.”

Michael licks at Calum’s hand and Calum pulls his hand away quickly, rolling his eyes and mumbling, “I hate you,” as Luke looks between the two of them curiously and Ashton wrinkles his nose, saying, “You two are really fucking weird.”

“Ugh, don’t be rude. We’re charming and delightful,” Michael says as he throws a fry at Ashton’s head, laughing as it hits Luke instead.

“How did you even miss that bad?” Luke says through a laugh and Michael shrugs, laughing just as hard as Luke, “This is why I never played sports.”

Ashton eyes soften, smiling a little, “You could’ve been the one to show people what not to do.”

Michael puts a hand over his heart, pouting, “You are so fucking mean,” but Calum doesn’t hear anything else because Luke’s face falls momentarily, before his eyes cloud over in an overwhelmed way as he looks over Calum’s shoulder, biting his lip nervously.

Calum doesn’t even have to turn around before there’s a soft, nervous voice interrupting their conversation, saying, “Please can I have a picture?”

Luke smiles and Ashton tenses up slightly as Luke pushes him out of the booth, saying, “Course you can. But please do me a favor, yeah?”

The girl nods her head, smiling, “Yeah of course.”

He puts his arm around her as she gets her phone ready, smiling as he says, “We’re kind of celebrating could you not tell anyone we’re here?”

She snaps the pictures and then smiles brightly, muttering her thanks before saying, “Course. Congrats on whatever you’re celebrating. Have fun!”

They don’t stay much longer but by the time they make their way outside there’s a throng of girls waiting outside the door expectantly and Calum doesn’t miss the way Luke’s shoulders tighten as he registers how many of them there are or the way Ashton touches at his back and whispers, “We can tell them, no. You know you can.”  
He shakes his head and then sets his shoulders, walking over to the group of fans, saying his hellos happily, smile firmly in place.

Calum watches as Luke takes pictures with each fan one by one and Calum feels a little anxious watching it. They grow progressively louder and more excited with each moment that passes as Luke takes pictures and they all seem to want a piece of him -- one of them grabbing at his arm rather hard and not letting go as he tries to take a picture with someone else.

She says excitedly, “I heard you’re celebrating? What’re you celebrating?”

Luke’s smile never falters, it actually seems to grow sweeter as he says, “My friends are celebrating the last day of class. I’m just here for moral support.”

The girl’s face falls, eyebrows scrunching up with something like disappointment as she says softly, “Oh, okay. Did you have fun?”

“Yeah” he says, looking back at Calum quickly, smiling apologetically, before turning back to the girls, “we had a blast.”

He finishes taking the pictures but it takes a while for all the fans to clear out, some of them lingering in an attempt to talk to Luke and eventually Ashton has to walk over to them, place his hand on Luke’s back and say, “Sorry, but this guy’s got a busy day ahead of him tomorrow. We’re gonna have to get out of here.”

The few girls still sticking around only express a little bit of disappointment and they clear out without Ashton having to say anything and when they’re in the clear of being heard Michael laughs, big and bright, hitting Ashton’s shoulder lightly, “You just fucking lied to them.”

Ashton shrugs and Luke laughs while Calum says, “Well it’s not exactly a lie - I do plan on keeping him pretty preoccupied tomorrow.”

Luke blushes and Ashton buries his face in his hands, mumbling, “Jesus Christ, Calum.”

Michael laughs, “Don’t pretend you’re not gonna miss us in a week, Ash. All you’ll have is Claire making you buy her cake and Luke whining about Calum. You should appreciate what you have while you have it.”

“I don’t whine,” Luke says quietly and Ashton asks, “Miss you in a week? What d’you mean?”

“Do you two really not know how school works?” Michael laughs.

Calum slaps at his shoulder, laughing, too, explaining, “We have to clear out of the dorms on the last day of finals.”

Luke’s smile finally falters, saying slowly, “Didn’t realize it was so soon.”

Ashton pushes at Luke’s shoulders to get him moving toward the car and Michael says smugly, “See, whining about Calum! You’re gonna miss us.”

*

The next week passes too quickly. He and Michael spend more time in the library than they have the entire semester and when they’re not there they’re back in their dorm trying to pack and sleep -- or in Michael's case, trying not to cry about how he needs to do really well on his biology final. Calum finishes the day before Michael does and that night Ashton and Luke bring over a bag of Michael’s favorite candy and an energy drink, Luke saying proudly, “To get you through the night. Cal says you’ve been a bit stressed.”

Michael peeks in the bag, smiling, “Thank you, but I’ve already resigned myself to failure so I won’t need this.”

He says it as he flops back on his bed melodramatically and Calum laughs but Ashton looks down at him a little concerned, asking, “You’re just giving up?”

Michael groans from his bed, sitting up a bit to pout up at Ashton and Luke sits down next to Calum, asking quietly, “Is he always like this?”

“When it comes to finals, he’s the worst.”

“Hey! I can hear you!” Michael says, throwing a candy bar at Calum and just barely missing his face, saying frustratedly, “I’m tired. Leave me alone.”

“Only one more, Mikey, and then it’s three months off with nothing to do but sleep, eat, and play video games. Your paradise.”

Michael whines, “That’s only if I don’t die of failure in the morning.”

“I’m sure you’ll do fine, “Ashton says soothingly and Michael seems to perk up a bit, saying, “You’re right. I usually am pretty good at winging it.”

Luke nudges Calum’s knee with his, saying quietly, “Come to mine for lunch tomorrow before you leave?”

“Yeah, of course -- might have to bring Michael, though.”  
Luke sighs, laughing a little, “Yeah, Ash’ll wanna come too, then.”

Then he looks at Michael, face lighting up as he asks, “How do you feel about coming to New York in three weeks? Or will that interrupt your plans of doing nothing?”

Michael stops short in passing a piece of candy to Ashton, face clouding in confusion as he asks, “What? Why New York?”

Luke rolls his eyes, exasperated, “I’m going on tour. I’m trying to see if you two wanna come for the weekend while we’re in New York.”

Michael smiles, teasing, “Oh, I dunno, man. We’ve already seen you twice; what else is there to see?”

He laughs loudly, covering his mouth with his hand as Luke pouts, “Fine. Don’t come.”

Calum touches at Luke’s knees reassuringly, reprimanding Michael, “Don’t be a dick,” and Michael rolls his eyes, saying, “Of course we’d love to go, you idiot. Your first headlining tour! How could we miss that.”

Luke’s entire body language changes after that; he sits up straighter, smile taking over his face, “Thanks, man,” and it makes Calum’s heart swell a little seeing Michael cause that reaction.

Ashton laughs, looking at Luke fondly, “Look at how happy you’ve made him. I never get that reaction when I say I’m excited to see him play.”

“Ashton, you work for him, it doesn’t count,” Calum says and Ashton pouts as Michael and Luke agree, saying dejectedly, “Fine. I’m just gonna start talking about how much you suck, then, see how you like that.”

“Please, Ash. It wouldn't be believable,” Michael says as he passes him another piece of candy and Ashton sighs, “Whatever. I still hate all of you.”

Michael takes the candy back, laughing, “Fine. No more candy for you!”

Ashton just pouts for exaggeratedly, shaking his head, “I’m older than all of you. I don’t know why I put up with this.”

Calum shrugs, sinking back against the wall, laughing, “Because you love us.”

Ashton smiles reluctantly, fondness still creeping through, and Calum thinks _I’m going to miss him, too._

*

The novelty of having nothing to do at all for the summer wears off after two weeks and Calum becomes exceedingly jittery with how much he wants to see Luke already. Michael teases him for it and Calum knows it’s ridiculous -- knows that after four months he should be used to the fact that Luke is gone the majority of the time but that doesn’t stop him from missing Luke anymore than he did at the beginning. And it definitely doesn’t stop him from getting excited when he gets out of the movies with Michael to find he has a voicemail from Luke from not too long ago, saying excited and a little out of breath, like maybe he called right off stage, “Miss you, Cal. Call me later?”

Michael mouths _you’re ridiculous_ when Calum calls Luke back before they even get in the car and Calum laughs as Luke picks up the phone, saying, “Did you just get off stage? Shouldn’t you be celebrating?”

Luke laughs, but it sounds a little sad and Calum’s heart flutters a bit as he says, “Yeah, but I wanted to celebrate with you, you dick.”

“That’s not really a nice thing to call someone you’d like to be celebrating with,” he says and this time Luke’s laugh is brighter, happier as he says, “Yeah, yeah. Anyway, how are _you_?”

Calum laughs, shaking his head in disbelief, “I should be asking you the questions here. How are you? How was it?”

“It was fine. It was good. Ash said I looked like I was gonna pass out at the beginning but other than that. Yeah. It was good.”

“Luke, you don’t have to downplay it. It was amazing wasn’t it?”

“Yeah, it was so good, Cal.”

He sounds a bit in awe and Calum’s heart swells with pride, wishing more than anything he was there with him to celebrate. Luke pauses for a moment and Calum doesn’t know how to fill the gap -- can’t vocalize just how happy it makes him to hear Luke so excited without coming off like an idiot. He settles for, “I’m happy for you,” and is thankful when Luke changes the subject.

“My mom says to tell you that she’s excited to finally meet you -- because apparently meeting you when you looked half dead doesn’t count.”

“Hey! I didn’t look that bad!”

“Those were her words not mine!”  
The laughter that follows is overwhelming and Calum sinks back into his seat soaking in the sound. Lukes voice is softer, smaller even, as he asks a moment later, “Hey, are you - um are you - you’re still bringing your sister to the show on Saturday, right?”

“Yeah, that’s the plan,” Calum says slowly, cautiously almost, suddenly feeling very nervous about the whole thing.

“Good. Yeah. Okay.” Luke says and Calum laughs, asking, “Why do you sound so nervous?”

“Just wanna make a good impression.”

“Luke, she’s already a fan - she’s gonna love you in person.”

“No, I mean,” he sighs, frustrated and Calum’s stomach swoops as he finishes saying, “Like, I wanna make a good impression on her because she’s _your sister_. I want her to like me.”

“She likes Michael so I don’t think you’ll have a problem there,” he jokes, trying not to let the nerves of having to finally tell Mali that him and Luke are a thing get in the way of laughing when Michael whines from the driver’s seat, “Hey! I’m great. Mali _should_ love me.”

“Well if she likes Michael,” Luke says and he sounds calmer, more relaxed than before but Calum feels a little sick, saying as calmly as he can, “Go enjoy yourself, Luke. Tell your mom I’ll be in tip top form this weekend, though.”

Luke lowers his voice and Calum can imagine that hes trying to not let the people around him overhear, like he’s telling a secret, “She already loves you.”

He hangs up the phone and Michael looks over at him curiously, raising an eyebrow, “What’s wrong?”

“You’re the only one that knows about Luke.”

Michael laughs, “No, lots of people know about Luke. He’s getting pretty famous.”

“No, seriously, Michael. You’re the only one that - no one else knows we’re - that we’re doing--” Calum rubs his hands over his face, frustrated, breathing out sharply, “Mali only knows that we’re friends. Fuck. I don’t even know what we’re doing, how am I supposed to tell her if I don’t know what we are?”

Michael doesn’t say anything for a long time and Calum appreciates it. He sits in the passenger seat and rests his head against the window and wills himself to stop being ridiculous. When Michael pulls into Calum’s driveway he touches at Calum’s shoulder softly as he tries to get out of the car, saying gently, “She’s gonna love him.”

“I know she will - he’s fucking Luke Hemmings.”

“And you --”

“ _Like_ him. I like him. I like him so much and it’s stupid because he’s gonna be gone for pretty much the rest of the year and, like, Mikey, what am I even doing? We haven’t even talked about what we’re doing. What are we doing?”

Michael smiles softly, reassuring, “You’re having fun. You’re falling in love. You’re doing whatever the hell you wanna do, Cal. Just talk to him.”

“I’m not falling in love,” Calum groans, finally opening the door and Michael laughs, “I know, you’ve said it enough times for me to hear it in my sleep. But that doesn’t mean it’s true.”

“I hate you so much sometimes.”

“Course you do.”

“I do and don’t you forget it,” Calum says smiling and as always, he feels a bit better just by telling Michael his worries.

*

He calls Mali the night before he and Michael leave and she’s so excited about the show on Saturday that he doesn’t really want to tell her and risk her feeling weird about it. But then she’s asking, “Hey, is the new person you’re seeing also gonna be there or am I only allowed to meet one new person from your life at a time now that you’re in college?” and Calum freezes.

“What?”

“Calum Thomas.”

“Don’t middle name me, Mali,” he laughs and the nerves in his stomach settle as she does, too.

“As your older sister I do pride myself a bit in being able to tell when new things are going on in your life. And Mom says you’ve been attached to your phone even more than usual since you got home -- so it’s a bit obvious.”

“Oh,” Calum breathes out, answer coming out as a question of his own, “Um. It’s Luke?”

“I know I’m meeting Luke, Cal. But that is not what I’m talking about. I want to know about your love life.”

“No,” he says, more insistent, “He is who you’re talking about. The person I’m seeing is Luke. We’re um - we’re doing a thing.”

“You’re doing a thing?” she asks slowly and Calum doesn’t need to see her face to know that she’s concerned.

“Don’t sound like that. It’s good.”

“I’m sure it is,” she says and Calum can hear the smile in her voice but then it’s going softer, reminiscent of their mom’s, and she asks, “Are you being careful?”

“Mali!”

“Ugh! Not like that! I mean, like that, too. But I don’t even want to _know_ about that! I just mean, are you sure about this? He’s gonna be gone so much.”

“I know,” Calum says and he doesn’t mean to laugh the way he does but it’s the only way he knows how to deal with the feelings brewing inside of him.

“But I really like him and I think it’s worth it to try” he says after a moment and Mali sighs, teasing, “I guess I’ll have to put the fan away for the weekend and bring the sister out to see if he’s acceptable.”

“You already love him.”

She sounds like she’s rolling her eyes and Calum wishes he was with her to hug her when she says, “Yeah, but I love him as Luke Hemmings, up and coming popstar. Now I gotta see if I love him as Luke, the boy who’s doing a thing with you.”

“Yeah, alright. But play nice, he’s already nervous about meeting you.”

Mali laughs loudly, voice coming out a little shocked, “I cannot believe you’ve got my favorite musician nervous to meet me. This is amazing.”

Calum rolls his eyes, laughing, “It is. So don’t fuck it up for me by scaring him off.”

“I won’t,” she promises before hanging up the phone and Calum’s nerves about the weekend are drastically smaller than they had been before calling her and he’s thankful to have a sister like Mali -- one that’s as much a friend as she is as a sibling.

He texts Michael, after: _Told Mali_ and isn’t surprised at all when moments later Michael texts him back, saying, _Good now I can embarrass the shit out of you and not feel bad about it._ With that his nerves fade away completely, knowing that even if the weekend is a disaster, Michael will keep it interesting.

*  
They get in late afternoon on Friday and Michael, unlike any time Calum’s ever seen him before, is itching to do something after being on a train all day but by the time they get to Luke’s hotel all Calum wants to do is sleep. Ashton meets them in the lobby, looking around confused, asking, “Where’s your sister?”

Calum answers around a yawn, “She’s not in until tomorrow. Couldn’t get off work today.”

“Did you two take a taxi here? We could’ve sent someone to pick you up,” he says softly and Michael laughs, “You couldn’t have told us that _before_ we spent the money on one?”

“I didn’t know when you were getting in until five minutes ago!”

“Aren’t you supposed to be on top of these things?” Michael teases and Ashton prickles, saying, “Having Luke’s family in town throws things off a bit. Sorry, I lost track of what was going on.”

“Where is our popstar, anyway? We sit our asses on a train all day and he can’t even meet us in the lobby. Fucking prick.”

“Michael!” Calum says in unison with Ashton and Michael just shrugs, laughing, “Honestly, I deserve a greeting for putting up with Calum’s jitters the entire time.”

“He’s in his room. I think he’s asleep. At least, I hope he’s asleep. I think he’s coming down with a very poorly timed cold.”

Michael grimaces, “Oh, I feel a bit bad for calling him a prick now.”

Ashton shrugs, smiling a little, “Nah, don’t. He’ll be fine. He’ll just be grumpy.”

He hands over their room keys and Calum wrinkles his nose, “We really could have gotten our own rooms you know.”

“Yeah, but it was just easier to do it all together and for us to handle it” he shrugs, adding, “Mali’s room is gonna be empty tonight if you two don’t wanna share.”

 

Michael barks out laughing, “God Ash, are you really under the assumption that Calum’s not gonna be rooming with Luke while we’re here?”

“You know, I try not to assume things, Michael. It might be beneficial for you to do the same.”

Calum pushes past them, heading for the elevator, “You two are both ridiculous. But Mikey’s right, Ash. If he’ll have me, I’m staying with Luke.”

Ashton rolls his eyes, “You know he’ll have you. But try and not like, keep him up all night. He is getting sick.”

Calum puts his hand over his heart, trying to bite back his smile as they step inside the elevator, “Ashton Irwin, are you telling me to keep it in my pants?”

Ashton buries his face in his hands, whining, “Really, why do I even try with you two. You’re awful. Especially around each other.”

“That’s really no way to treat someone you haven’t seen in three weeks. Were you raised by wolves?”

“Now Michael, you know wolves would have more manners than that.”

Ashton slumps back against the wall of the elevator, pouting and Michael nudges his foot with his own, “Miss you, man. How’s tour been?”

“It’s been good. Only done three shows but everyone’s been super responsive and I’ve never seen Luke look so happy. He’s really loving it.”

Ashton sounds so proud and he looks it, too, and Calum feels a rush of affection for him, asking, “Has he stopped looking like he’s gonna pass out yet?”

“Yeah. Well, for the most part,” Ashton says laughing and Calum’s glad to get out of the elevator, eager to see Luke already, asking, “Which one is his room?”

“Down on the left. Please let him rest!” Ashton calls out but Calum can’t answer -- can’t focus on anything but the _thump, thump, thump_ , of his own heart and the way his breath hitches a bit when Luke answers the door, blanket wrapped around his shoulder, faint bags under his eyes and hair tucked back behind a beanie.

“You look like shit, Luke.”

Luke closes the door, pushing Calum back against it and kisses him. The blanket falls around their feet and the strap of Calum’s back digs into his shoulder but he doesn’t care because Luke’s mouth is soft and warm against his own and today he tastes like mint and for some reason that’s all that matters.

He pulls back later, face flushes and mouth bright red, smile taking over his face as he breathes out, “Hello.”

“I swear to god if you just got me sick,” he jokes and Luke laughs, eyes twinkling as he says, “See Ashton’s been telling you my secrets.”

Calum pushes past him, dropping his bag on the floor by the bed, asking, “Your secrets? Did you think I was gonna come in here and not be able to tell you don’t feel well?”

Luke picks up his blanket, wrapping it back around his shoulders and walks over toward Calum, sighing, “Maybe. I mean, I was hoping I’d feel better by the time you got here. Which is why I was napping.”

Calum yawns, toeing off his shoes and crawling into the bed, flopping back against the bed, “Well, I hope you’re still up for more napping because I’m exhausted.”

Luke comes to sit next to Calum, hiding something behind his back, asking, “You came all the way to New York to nap with me?”

“No, I came all the way to New York to spend the weekend with you and now you’ve gone and got yourself sick and I feel like I’m about to pass out because I couldn’t sleep on the train. So we’re gonna nap and then we’re gonna go from there.”

Luke sinks into the bed, tossing the blanket over Calum, too, and he doesn’t complain anymore. He yawns into his hand, burrowing down beneath the blanket and into his pillow, smiling back at Calum as he settles down with him, “Thank you for coming all the way out here.”

Calum kisses him quickly, smiling softly, “Yeah, yeah. Don’t be so sappy.”

Luke rolls his eyes, yawning more, “Missed you, too, man,” and Calum’s glad he didn’t have to say it.

Calum settles in next to him, body feeling heavy and warm beneath the blanket. He falls asleep to Luke mumbling into his pillow, “Nooo, set an alarm, my mom’s supposed to be taking us all to dinner later,” and wakes up to his phone buzzing two hours later.

He answers it, grumbling as he hears Michael's voice coming in bright and loud, “Mikey, please. I just woke up, stop talking so loud.”

“Ash and I are on our way back - shouldn’t you two be getting up and ready for dinner by now?”

Calum rubs at his eyes, yawning, “Probably but I don’t wanna wake Luke.”

“I’m rolling my eyes at you,” Michael laughs and then Ashton’s on the phone, saying, “If he gets grumpy just tell him I told you to. He’s used to it from me.”

“What if I want to go back to sleep, though?”

“Tough luck there, Cal. Liz is big on family dinners when everyone’s here, so you’ll have to get used to it.”

Ashton doesn’t say anything else but Michael doesn’t come back on the line and Calum is left there feeling warm and fond about being told he needs to get used to family dinners. He doesn't have much time to dwell on it though, because Luke swats at his chest, whining, “No more talking. _Sleeping_.”

He curls his arm back in under his pillow and Calum notices that there’s a stuffed animal tucked beneath his chin.

“Is that a penguin?”

Luke’s arm tightens around the penguin. He opens his eyes and smiles back at Calum slowly, “No, this is a figment of your imagination.”

“I didn’t realize you liked penguins so much.”

“They’re my favorite animal,” Luke says cautiously, like he’s waiting for Calum to tease him and Calum smiles, nodding, “Penguins are pretty cool. But I’m partial to dogs.”

Luke sits up, smiling fondly as he says, “Penguins _are_ pretty cool. Ashton got me this one the first time we heard my song on the radio -- I like it.”

Calum feels a pang of jealousy knowing it’s from Ashton but he brushes it away because Luke looks so happy to be telling him about it, asking, “Do you take it with you everywhere?”

“When I’m on tour, yeah. I usually just leave it on the bus,” he says, shrugging and he looks small and vulnerable as he finishes, “But like, if it’s raining really bad or I don’t feel well, I’ll bring it into the hotels.”

His shoulders slump and his mouth turns down and Calum feels like this might be a turning point -- like this moment is really important -- because this doesn’t feel like something small and unimportant or something he’s doing just for fun. Luke looks at him and says quietly, “I’m kind of a nervous sleeper -- I don’t really like the dark,” and Calum never wants to see him look so vulnerable ever again.

“I’m sorry I’ve never noticed,” Calum says after a moment, genuinely peeved at himself for not picking up on it before, but Luke’s face brightens as he gets out of the bed, cheeks flushing the faintest but, “How could you, I’m not nervous when you’re around.”

Calum feels like the wind’s been knocked out of him and his whole body feels like it might just be on fire. He feels so much hearing Luke’s words, but he’s happy when there’s a knock on the door and Michael calls out, “Let us in,” so Calum doesn’t have to respond -- doesn’t have to risk the words Michael’s been teasing him with for so long tumbling out of his mouth and ruining things before they properly begin.

*

Dinner is loud and energetic and a little overwhelming. Liz asks a lot of questions, Andy makes a lot of jokes and Ben looks at him curiously, almost like he’s sizing him up, while Jack does the same, but a lot more menacingly. It all makes Calum feel like he needs to be good for Luke -- prove to the people around him that he’s _good enough_ and it makes his head spin because he still doesn’t know what they are but he never wants it to end.

After, Ashton and Michael follow them into Luke’s room and they stay far longer than Calum wants, Michael pulling him aside before he goes, eyes tired and puffy, yawning, “Cal, I think you need to talk to Luke.”

Calum doesn’t really understand, it’s too late, he’s too tired -- too preoccupied by finally getting to be left alone with Luke for the night to process what Michael's saying. He continues, voice coming out a little concerned, “Dunno, Cal, but Jack was looking at you tonight like he kinda wanted to tear you apart so I just -- maybe you’re not the only one who doesn’t know what the two of you are. So just talk to him, alright?”

“Oh, yeah. I noticed that.”

He scratches at the back of his neck awkwardly, not really knowing what else to say about it and Michael smiles a little, laughing, “Yeah, little hard not to, I think. So _talk_ to your boy.”

Calum sighs, thankful when Ashton joins them and pushes Michael toward the door, saying, “Come on, Mikey, let’s leave these two lovebirds to it.”

Michael wrinkles his nose, mumbling under his breath, “I’m too tired to be thinking about that right now, Ashton. God.”

He looks back at Calum before shutting the door, eyes very serious as he says, “Talk to him, Cal,” and Calum knows that Michael won’t let him board the train home at the end of the weekend if he doesn’t.

He doesn’t talk to Luke that night more than his name tumbling out his mouth in sharp, muttered gasps as Luke fucks into him and when they wake up Luke’s running late for an interview so Calum doesn’t have time to mention it. Once Mali comes around there really isn't much time at all to pull Luke aside and talk to him about anything serious and he regrets it completely when Luke finally gets enough time to introduce himself to Mali. He stands in front of her with a wide smile, hands tucked behind his back, feet turned in and Mali commands the conversation.

For someone who’s meeting their favorite musician Mali seems to have no nerves at all, whereas Luke looks a little like he’s going to pass out with how hard he’s trying to not make a fool of himself. Calum’s about to go over to him, put a hand on his back and tell him to calm down when Jack touches at his shoulder and says in a hushed tone, “Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?”

“Yeah, okay”,” he says and it’s hard to take his eyes off of Luke under most circumstances but right now he really doesn’t want to because Jack’s looking at him like he’s done something of the utmost severity and Calum feels like he might faint with how much he feels like a small child about to be scolded.

Jack walks over to the corner of the room where they’re away from everyone else and Calum’s hands start to sweat a little with how much he’s dreading what’s about to come -- it’s obvious that Jack has a problem with him, he just can’t quite put his finger on what it could be.

Jack stands up straight and looks at Calum, smiling weakly, “I’m gonna be honest with you, Calum, you bother me.”

“Oh, okay,” Calum says and he definitely feels small now. “Any particular reason? Or do I just give you a bad vibe?”

Jack laughs, like legitimately laughs, his face pulling up in a smile and it catches Calum off guard, no longer understanding what’s going on at all.

“You’re not being nearly as combative as I thought you’d be.”

Calum scratches at his neck awkwardly, feeling uncomfortable, “I don’t know what you want me to say. I can’t really-- I like your brother, Jack. A lot. I don’t really know what else I can do but that. But I _am_ sorry that I bother you.”

Jack looks at him for a very long time before saying, “I like you. You just bother me.”

Calum’s getting frustrated, breathing in deeply, asking slowly, as calm as he can, “Are you going to elaborate or are you just going to make me jump through hoops to prove I’m good enough for him?”

Jack’s eyes flash with something reminiscent of pride and he laughs again, saying, “No. Just answer me this: are you and Michael sleeping together?”

Calum nearly chokes, asking louder than he means to, “What?”

Michael picks the most inopportune time to come over, placing his chin over Calum’s shoulder and joking, “What’re we talking about here guys? You’re both missing out on Luke being grilled by Mali about his intentions toward Calum. He looks like he’s about to piss his pants.”

Jack’s face hardens again and Calum freezes completely as he asks quite serious, “We’re talking about if you two are sleeping together.”

Michael laughs but Jack’s face doesn’t change, it actually shifts into something meaner, more angry and Michael straightens up behind Calum, saying rather rudely, “Are you fucking kidding me?”

Calum kicks at his shin, barely making contact with, warning, “Michael!”

Jack asks, voice eerily calm, “Are you two sleeping together?”

“No, we’re not,” Calum says, finally finding his voice and Michael laughs, “Jesus Christ, Calum. I fucking told you. I _told_ you, you needed to talk to him.”

Jack’s face softens the slightest bit, asking almost nicely this time, like they’re just three friends catching up, “So Luke’s got nothing to worry about between you two?”

He and Michael answer at the same time, “No, we’re just best friends,” and Jack’s whole demeanor changes, he looks friendly and welcoming for the first time all weekend, saying, “Alright. Good. Because he’s really - uh - he’s really fond of you and I just wanted to make sure he wasn’t getting into something shitty.”

Calum blinks rapidly, not knowing what to say and Jack claps him on the shoulder, smiling, “I like you a lot more after this. Sorry to be a dick.”

Michael laughs and Calum feels the pounding of his heart settle a little as he jokes, “Jesus, I’m glad I don’t have any siblings to grill my love interests. But this is amazing to watch.”

Calum turns around, nearly tripping over his feet with how fast he does and swats at Michael’s arm, whining, “You’re supposed to take my side!” and Jack laughs big and loud, “Fuck, dunno how Luke was concerned about you two with the way you treat each other.”

He walks off with an apologetic smile and Calum feels a little better about Jack but a lot more concerned about Luke, saying, “Mikey, never let me get involved with anyone with older brothers the size of Jack ever again.”

*  
Watching Luke perform is amazing -- today even more so than the last times Calum saw him. He has an energy about him that’s only ever there when he’s on stage and it’s mesmerizing -- he’s mesmerizing -- and Calum can’t even look away when Ashton joins them for a brief moment to check and see if Mali’s having a good time. He can hear her voice, can register the way she’s laughing and excitedly saying, “Jesus, I can’t believe I’ve waited this long to see him live,” but all he can feel is the pounding of his heart as Luke smiles widely at the crowd, saying into the mic, “This next one is dedicated to a very special someone,” as he starts playing the opening chords to _I Want You._

Michael leans over to him, laughing against the shell of his ear, “Don’t get too cocky, Cal. Me and Luke have a very special thing going on.”

Calum kicks at his foot, laughing, “Shut up, I hate you,” and Ashton groans somewhere behind him, “Well, that’s gonna start a whole slew of rumors, hope he’s ready for that” and for the first time since he started this thing with Luke, Calum realizes that they’re not the only ones who will care about what they are. It sends a shiver down his spine and takes him completely out of the moment -- no longer able to pay attention to anything other than the sense of dread washing over him at the thought of other people wanting to know things about something so special to him.

He pushes it aside, though, gets caught back up in Luke singing and how Mali’s next to him dancing along, smile brighter than he’s ever seen it before and tries not to worry about what being involved with someone who has fans entails. After, he nearly forgets his worries and that he’s supposed to talk to him about what they are completely because Luke’s so full of energy he’s almost buzzing with it. But then Ashton’s taking him aside before they clear out of the venue, the two of them talking in quick hushed voices and Luke comes back over to him calmer, body language more subdued than before, and Calum thinks he’s not the only one worried about people talking -- Ashton must be, and now it looks like Luke is too.

He doesn’t say anything until they get back to the hotel and even then he paces the room for minutes before Calum’s laughing, sitting on the bed and saying, “Come on, Lukey. Just spit it out. No need to get all worked up.”

Luke stops pacing, biting his lip as he looks at Calum, mumbling, “I’m sorry I brought you into this.”

“What?” Calum asks, genuinely confused as to where this conversation is heading.

Luke blinks several times, cheeks flushing, “I just. I got a little caught up on stage tonight -- thinking about you -- and didn’t think about how dedicating a song to someone would look. And um, I just. I don’t want to scare you off.”

“You’re not gonna scare me off,” he says and he means it. Earlier he thought it might be too much -- and maybe it will be -- but Luke’s looking at him like he’s scared he’s going to walk out on him and Calum knows he never wants to leave.

“Are you sure? Ash says - he thinks that my thing on the stage tonight might make people start asking if I’m in a relationship, and I don’t want to ruin what we have here by bringing a lot of public scrutiny to it. That doesn’t seem fair to you.”

“So you don’t --”

Calum breathes in deep, rubbing his hands over his face, feeling small and nervous in a way he hasn’t felt around Luke before, asking, “Do you want to hide what we’re doing?”

Luke’s face pales, eyes going wide as he says, “No! I mean, yes. But like, _no_.”

He looks so stressed that Calum can’t even be upset about him not making sense, laughing, “Luke, what are we?”

“What?”

“I mean, your brother just cornered me about fucking Michael and now you’re telling me you don’t want to scare me away by subjecting us to public scrutiny and this is all sending me a lot of mixed signals.”

“My brother did what?”

He looks and sounds appalled and Calum laughs louder, because this whole situation is ridiculous and he doesn’t understand how he got here, saying calmly, “Jack, your brother, giant intimidating brother might I add, just cornered me before your show asking if I was sleeping with Michael.”

Luke blushes a deep, angry red, and says, “Jesus, I’m so sorry. He’s just --”

“Looking out for you. I understand. But you’ve never had anything to worry about. Me and Michael are best friends. That’s it. You’re the only one on my radar, Luke. Honestly.”

The tension in Luke’s shoulders deflate and he looks at his feet, embarrassed, mumbling, “I’m sorry - he just gets to spend so much more time with you than me and I - it’s silly. I’m sorry.”

Calum gets up, places his hand on Luke’s jaw and tilts his face up, smiling, “How do you think I feel about Ash? We’re in the same boat. This isn’t exactly a normal thing we’re doing. But again, I have to ask: what are we doing? What are we?”

Luke leans into Calum’s hand, smiling softly, “We’re going to do whatever you wanna do, Cal.”

Calum kisses him, soft and slow, snaking his hand into his hair and pulling lightly as Luke bites at his lip, sighing as he pulls away, saying, “Then we’re a thing. You and me.”

Luke bites his lip, eyes twinkling, “A thing? What’s that mean?”

Calum shrugs, feeling a little giddy, “Means I’m gonna tell my mom I’m fucking a pop star -- kidding! Don’t look like you're gonna have an aneurysm. It means we’re a thing. Dunno, it doesn’t have to be complicated. Your fans don’t have to know, the media doesn’t have to know -- because you’re right that might freak me out a little -- but I’d like um, for you not to sleep around when you’re on tour?”

Luke tips his forehead against Calum, breathing out, “That sounds like a thing I’d like to be part of. Absolutely.”

He pulls back, smile slipping just slightly, saying serious, “I know this situation isn’t ideal. So you’ll tell me if it gets too much, won’t you?”

“Course I will. But I think it’s gonna be fun. Me and you. We’re gonna be great.”

*

They are great. They text constantly, Luke calls him after every show to tell him about the most ridiculous thing he saw in the crowd while playing, they skype when they can find the time, and a week after he leaves New York, Luke calls Calum at two in the morning, laughing, “Okay, hear me out. How about you come on tour for a couple of weeks?”

“What?”

“I - uh- sorry. I know it’s late and I probably woke you but I was talking to Claire earlier and she was talking about what we’re gonna do for my and Ash’s birthdays and I just thought it’d be nice to have you here for that. If you want, that is.”  
Calum’s overwhelmed, kicking the blanket off of him, suddenly very warm, “I - yeah - okay. I’d love that.”

“Really?”

He sounds surprised and Calum laughs, “Come on, you’ve gotta realize by now that I’m always gonna wanna spend time with you.”

“Yeah, I do. God, this is gonna be great, Cal. I dunno if Ash is gonna be happier that I’m not distracted by my phone with you around or mad that I’m just gonna be distracted by real you.”

Calum laughs, overcome with how excited Luke sounds, saying, “We’ll have to try and be a little better than we were during your rehearsals I don’t want Ashton to ban me from ever coming out again.”

Luke says seriously, insistent, “Wouldn’t let him do that,” and Calum’s heart flutters in his chest. He falls asleep that night thinking about spending two weeks on tour with Luke and wakes up nervous about if things are moving too fast.

When he tells Michael about his concerns he shakes his head and laughs, saying, “Cal, when are you gonna admit you’re in love with him?”

“Shut up, I’m not!” but his stomach pulls uncomfortably at the word and he thinks maybe it might be more serious than he’d like to admit aloud, saying, “That’s not the point of what I’m saying here. Do you think - am I making a mistake here? By going?”

Michael studies him for a moment, asking seriously, “Do you like him?”

“You know I do.”

“Do you like spending time with him?”

“I thought that was obvious.”

“Would you prefer not to see him until the end of July?”

“No, but -”

“But what? I’m not really sure I’m on the same page as you. I don’t see how this is a mistake at all.”

“Just be honest with me, Mikey. Am I getting in over my head? This is gonna bite me in the ass, isn’t it?”  
Michael shrugs, “Dunno, Cal. I can’t say for sure. But I know from spending ten minutes with the two of you that you both really like each other and I know you’re worried, hell, it’s gotta be hard liking someone who’s gone the majority of the time but you know what’s gonna make that easier? Spending time with him when you can. I think you’d regret it if you turned him down.”

Michael makes sense -- he does -- but Calum’s nervous and he falls back on Michael’s bed, whining, “What if he spends two weeks with me and thinks I’m boring. He’s never -- we’ve never spent more than a weekend together when he’s like, actually being a pop star. What if he realizes I’m boring and not worth --”

“I swear to god if you say ‘not worth it’ I’m gonna punch you in the fucking face, alright?”

“I was going to say ‘not worth being tied down to’ but okay.”

Michael’s face pulls up in something like disgust, snapping, “That’s even worse. Shut up. You’re being dumb.”

“I’m not,” Calum pouts and Michael laughs, face softening as he says, “Okay, listen. You are.”

Calum groans and Michael rolls his eyes, continuing, “This is dumb. I can’t believe you’re making me get sappy about you in the middle of the day with no alcohol in sight. But listen, just don’t interrupt me, alright. You’re so great, Cal. And he _sees_ that. I can tell. God, Ash is always texting me about how much he pouts when you're not around. I honestly have no idea what you’re worried about. And I completely understand being worried about him being famous. I’m not going to pretend to understand what kind of pressure that’s going to put on you or him or the thing you’re doing. But we’re fucking nineteen, man. We’re in college. We’re supposed to be having fun and you have so much fun with him -- too much fun by the sounds of your fucking hotel room the other night -- and I just don’t see the point of giving it all up because you’re worried he thinks you’re _boring_ of all things.”

Michael settles down in the bed next to Calum, pats his hand gently and laughs, “You’re not boring and you’re not tying him down, okay?”

“I know. I just don’t wanna - I dunno. I don’t know exactly what I want anymore. I just want him.”

“I know. I know. That’s why I think you should go. I’m just pissed I can’t go with you.”

Calum laughs, his whole body shaking with it, “You’re gonna be at the beach with your parents for a week! You’re gonna be having fun.”

Michael pinches Calum’s side, laughing softly, “Calum, have you seen me? Does it _look_ like I like the beach?”

“Right. No. It doesn’t. But the vitamin D will do you some good, Mikey.”

“Yeah, yeah. Maybe. But terrorizing Ashton for two weeks would do me better. So really, you’re the winner here.”

They lie there next to each other laughing for a long time, Calum’s nerves finally settling, and when the moment calms and the laughter passes, Michael leans his head against Calum’s shoulder, whispering quietly, “You’re worth it, Cal. He’d be an idiot not to agree.”

Michael doesn’t lie to him, not about things like this, not about Calum, not about their friendship -- so hearing him say he’s worth it makes his stomach swirl fondly and he feels better about going on tour, better about him and Luke, better about himself.

*  
He joins Luke on tour the night before Ashton’s birthday and it’s exhilarating how easily he slips right back into place when he’s with Luke like they’ve never spent any time apart at all. After the show Luke comes off stage, flushed and sweaty, hair falling in his eyes a bit, smiling big and bright and Calum knows he made the right decision -- knows he’d regret not getting to see Luke in his element for two weeks straight if he’d stayed home.

Luke wraps his arm around Calum’s shoulder, laughing as Claire walks by and slaps his ass, saying, “Calum! You didn’t even watch the set tonight.”

“I watched some of it but then Ashton started distracting me.”

Ashton walks by, holding his hands up in mock defense, “Oh no, no no no, don’t blame me. You should have seen him, though, Luke. Thought he was gonna pass out right there on the side of the stage. He just woke up ten minutes ago.”

Luke leans in closer to him, whispering against his ear, “Cal, we’re gonna have to get you used to travelling if I’m gonna keep you around.”

Calum laughs, squirming away from Luke, joking, “Oh, you’re just gonna drop me if I can’t get used to travelling? I mean that little to you?”

Calum doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to how sincerely Luke responds sometimes, how he always seems to want to make sure Calum knows just how much he wants him around, saying slowly, “Nope, you mean too much. Which is why I think I’m just gonna invite you out all the time until travelling is second nature.”

He pauses, smile growing, “And then you’ll have no excuse for missing me switching spots with Claire in the middle of a song.”

He leans forward, whispering, “She’s an awful singer. Don’t think it’ll happen again.”

Claire still hears him, laughing loud from where she’s talking with Ashton on the couch, saying, “Oh, babe. You’re an even worse drummer. But I think the crowd loved it.”

“We’ll never know because Calum here wasn’t watching to see.”

Calum wrinkles his nose, pushing at Luke’s shoulder, “I’m tired. Don’t be mean to me. Anyway, you don’t know how to gauge a crowd by now to tell? You need me to do it for you? I dunno about that, Luke. Don’t think I signed up for that when I met you.”

Luke whines, “Now who’s being mean?”

Calum wants to kiss him, wants to wipe the pout right off his face, but there’s people around. People he doesn’t know, people who might not know about him and Luke, people who he doesn’t want to share this with. So he just smiles back at Luke, soothing, “I guess we’re at a draw here.”

Claire sighs loudly and Calum’s attention is brought away from Luke, turning to see Claire with her feet laid in Ashton’s lap and her head tipped against the armrest, sighing again, louder this time.

Ashton rolls his eyes, laughing, “Do you need something, Claire?”

“I need us to get out of here. Your birthday’s in a little over an hour. We should be out celebrating. Waiting until midnight to get hammered is absolutely not what I was expecting here, boys.”

When no one responds, Claire sit up a little and for being so tiny she’s quite intimidating, saying sharply, “No. No. You’re not saying no, Asthon. You’re turning twenty one and we’re gonna go out and at least have one drink. The babies over here can come grab a bite with us before we go. Come on, we’ve got two days off, why not get a little wild for your birthday?”

“No, _you’ve_ got two days off. Luke and I have got a whole slew of shit to do tomorrow.”

Luke rolls his eyes, sighing, “I mean, you don’t really have anything to do either, Ash. You don’t _have_ to be there with me every second. I can get by on my own if you wanna go have a two day birthday bender.”

Ashton laughs, “No. I’ll pass on that,” and Claire starts to whine but Ashton cuts her off, sighing, “I’m gonna go out. Just don’t trust Luke not to fuck around if I’m not there.”

Claire laughs, getting up and dragging Ashton up with her, saying excitedly, “Probably a good call with Cal in town.”

Calum scoffs and Luke rolls his eyes, saying indignantly, “You’re both so rude.”

Claire walks Ashton out the door, calling back for Luke and Calum, “Yeah, yeah. But come on, birthday shenanigans are in store.”

Luke leans into Calum’s space, hand on the small of his back as he says softly, “We don’t have to go if you’re tired. They’ll understand. Claire’ll give you a lotta shit but she’ll shut up eventually.”

Calum leans back into him, pushing him off, laughing, “We should go for a little bit at least. I’m not that tired. I took a nap!”

“A nap during my set,” Luke pouts and Calum pats Luke on the cheek, “Got two weeks worth left to watch you shine, superstar.”

Luke’s smile is so big Calum’s overwhelmed by it and he can feel his cheeks burning a little as Luke says, “You’re gonna get bored of it,” because he knows he won’t -- knows there’s never going to be a boring moment in watching Luke do what he loves.

*

Dinner is good. Claire laughs in a way that is infectious -- almost as much as Ashton -- and she has the whole crew singing Ashton happy birthday right at midnight. Even Marty joins in -- and Calum thinks he’s only seen him say five words since he started hanging out with Luke. She pulls out her phone and wrinkles her nose as the person she’s calling answers, snapping playfully, “Hey, don’t be rude. It’s Ashton’s birthday and since you can’t be here you have to say happy birthday. Only proper etiquette, Mikey.”

She hands the phone to Ashton and his face lights up, smiling brightly as he says, “Michael! How is the beach?”

Calum whispers to Luke, hand on his thigh, “Mikey’s gonna be pissed that she woke him up for this,” and Luke laughs lightly, eyes crinkling up a bit, “Yeah, I bet he will be.”

Calum squeezes his thigh, smiling, “Let’s get out of here,” and Luke teases, “Yeah, yeah. Don’t look so eager.”

He leans over the table, tapping at George’s arm lightly, “Hey, we wanna get out of here,” and George’s face lifts in relief, smiling easily, “Oh, thank God.”

He gets up ruffles Claire’s hair, whispering, “Don’t go getting Ashton too fucked up tonight, I don’t want to have to take care of Luke the rest of the tour all by myself.”

“Hey,” Luke drags out, pouting as he stands up to leave, “I’m not even bad.”

George shakes his head, smiling, “Yeah but you’re awful in the mornings and no one can put up with you quite like Ash. So we need him.”

Luke pouts more, lip turning down dramatically, “George, I trust you with my _life_ and this is how you treat me.”

Claire rolls her eyes, sighing, “Oh my _god_ , don’t be a brat,” then she smiles, throwing the straw from her drink at Luke’s face, “Get out of here. Go have fun of your own!”

Luke throws the straw back at her, smiling as he walks away from the table, “Don’t have too much fun of your own we need him.”

Ashton’s still on the phone with Michael but he waves as he and Luke leave and Calum tries to remember a time that Michael ever willingly stayed on the phone with someone after being woken up. He doesn’t have time to think about it much more because George leans into him at the door, whispering reassuringly, “You’ll get used to this eventually, Cal.”

Calum doesn’t understand but then Luke’s pushing the door open and they’re met with flashing lights and men calling Luke’s name and girls screaming from the sidewalk across the street and Calum’s heart drops. It’s loud and hectic and Luke’s body tenses as he walks to the car, shoulders slumped and head tucked down as George escorts them to the car. He wants to reach out for Luke’s hand, wants to anchor himself to him through the bustle of people around them, wants to soothe the burning need to touch coursing through his fingers but he knows that now -- more than anything -- is not the time.

When they get in the car Luke’s smile slips back on his face, smooth and comforting and Calum lets out a heavy sigh. Luke’s eyes color in concern, voice coming out soft and gentle, “Alright, Cal?”

“Yeah, that was just a lot. Never - um - it’s stupid. I’ve just never been around when you’re being photographed like that. Bit weird.”

Luke laughs and it’s a bit hollow, but his smile is warm and comforting as he says, “Yeah, it is,” and Calum feels better than he’s not the only one put off by it all.

Luke slips his fingers through Calum’s, squeezing his hand and Calum’s nerves settle. He rests his head on Luke’s shoulder and sighs, “I really am exhausted. You know it’s like nearly three thirty for me.”

Luke lets go of his hand, Calum whining a little before he wraps his arm around Calum’s shoulder and pulls him in closer, saying softly, “You’re cute when you’re tired, Cal.”

He rests his head against Luke’s chest and tries not to think about how in minutes they’ll be facing a swarm of fans outside of their hotel, all waiting to get a piece of something Calum already has but isn’t sure if he’ll ever truly get to keep. It’s a passing thought, a feeling that fills his stomach with dread and his heart with worry but then they’re walking through the lobby and into the elevator and Luke’s smiling into his mouth as he closes his room door, saying, “God, I’m glad you’re here,” and the feeling is gone.

It’s replaced by a pull of heat in his stomach as Luke pulls him toward the bed, pushing his flannel off and slipping his hands under his tank top, fingers digger in lightly at his hips and Calum can’t see straight. Can’t feel anything but the way his nerves tingle with every kiss Luke presses into his skin as he undresses him, how his breath still hitches as Luke sinks down on his knees and takes him in his mouth, hips stuttering forward as Luke sinks down further, letting Calum hit the back of his throat, only gagging slightly this time.

Luke doesn’t pull off when Calum says he’s close and Calum comes harder than he expects just at the thought of coming in Luke’s mouth. He pulls off, wiping at his mouth and smiling up at Calum with a hint of smugness. Calum pulls him forward, kissing it off him, and swallows down the sounds Luke makes as he slips his hand around him, smiling as Luke bites down on his shoulder when he comes over Calum’s hand.

They fall asleep hot and flushed and wake up to Ashton pounding on their door to tell them to get a move on because Luke’s got a photoshoot he needs to get ready for. They rush through a shower together, Luke getting distracted by Calum’s mouth on his neck, pulling away reluctantly to say, “I’ve got a photo shoot, later,” before dipping down and sucking a mark into the wet skin of Calum’s chest, smiling as he pulls away, “But you don’t, so.”

They meet Ashton in the lobby twenty minutes later and Calum feels like he never catches a breath after they leave. It’s watching Luke dress and undress as he’s pulled every which way for different photos. It’s fifteen minutes for lunch before George is carting them off to another location for Luke to talk to three different people about his album. It’s Claire and Ryan bringing a bottle of tequila and a birthday cake to Luke’s room, Marty in tow with a bag of limes -- the three of them demanding to know where Ashton is before the six of them get drunk in Ashton’s room, Calum facetiming Michael halfway through, slurred and glassy eyed to tell him how much he misses him. It’s Michael laughing at the way they’re all falling over Ashton trying to make sure he’s having a good time, yelling through the phone for Claire to give him a kiss for him. It’s Ashton burning red and Luke falling onto the bed laughing as Claire stains Ashton’s cheek with the red of her lipstick.

It’s waking up hung over, head pounding in Ashton’s bed with Luke’s knee in his side and Ashton’s head on his chest, only to be shuffled onto Luke’s bus and on to Vegas. It’s three days before he’s used to sleeping on a bus and another four before he gets used to constantly moving. It’s not catching his breath until two days before Luke’s birthday when Michael calls him in the middle of the afternoon to complain about the sun, saying pathetically, “I never want to see the sun again. I look like a fucking lobster, Calum. A lobster!”

“Did you not use sunscreen, Mikey?”

“No! I did! And I still look like a fucking lobster. See, this is why you can’t leave me.”

“So I take it you’re not having a good time?”

Michael sighs, “No, I’m having a blast. I just fell asleep while my parents were making a sand castle and now here I am - burnt to a crisp.”

Calum laughs at the thought, biting his lip before asking, “They didn’t wake you?”

“No _apparently_ they were too caught up in the fucking castle! You know what, Cal, don’t laugh at me this could have happened to anyone! Have you seen your boyfriend!”

Calum sucks in a sharp breath and Michael ploughs on, “Whatever. Your _boy_. He’s almost as fucking pale as me, alright. So you better watch him. Make sure he’s using sunscreen while you two are out doing whatever it is you two do in your free time. I feel like I’m completely out of the loop here and don’t even know what’s up with you anymore.”

“Miss you, too, Mikey. Sorry I haven’t been keeping up with you.”

Michael sighs again, softer and less aggravated this time, “ It’s fine. It’s fine. I understand you’re caught up in the whole thing. You’re having fun right? Luke’s treating you well?”

“Do you want to know just how well he’s treating me or is this a general question?” Calum teases and he can hear the disgust in Michael’s voice as he laughs, “No! That was a general fucking question, you dick.”

“Things are good, Mikey. I’m so happy,” he says, soft and quiet knowing Michael won’t laugh at him for admitting it but still feeling vulnerable for saying it.

“Good, you deserve it. Tell Luke I said hi and tell Ashton to fucking text me back already. I should go though, my mom wants to barbecue and my dad wants me to help. Which sounds fine, right? But I’ve already got a sunburn so really I think they’re trying to kill me.”

“Glad you haven’t gotten any less dramatic while I’ve been gone.”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Go live the tour, I’ll see you in a week and then I wanna hear every detail about what it’s like.”

Calum promises he will and as Michael hangs up his stomach twists with the longing to stay here with Luke forever but also to have Michael by his side again. Ashton joins him in the lounge at the back of the bus moments later and Calum doesn’t have time to dwell on it because Ashton’s plopping down next to him and smiling, asking, “What’re you doing back here?”

“Trying to catch up with Mikey for a second and maybe catch my breath. Touring is exhausting I don’t know how you guys do this. I feel like I’m gonna need to sleep for three years once I get home.”

“You get used to it eventually -- or at least you get used to always being a little tired after a while. When we first started Luke was awful. I swear he was taking naps between everything.”

He smiles so fondly when he talks about Luke and it should make him jealous, and it does a little, but it mostly just makes him happy that Luke has someone around that cares for him so much. He shakes his head a little and Calum thinks he’s going to tell another story about Luke but he just asks gently, “How’s Michael?”

“Fell asleep on the beach. Apparently looks like a lobster. Wants you to text him back. Ready for me to come home, I think. You know, just the usual.”

Ashton wrinkles his nose, laughing, “Looks like a lobster?”

“He got a bad sunburn when he fell asleep. He’s so fucking predictable I can’t believe it sometimes.”

“That sounds awful,” Ashton says very seriously and then he’s smiling, changing the subject again, “Uh, anyway, the reason I came back here is --”

He stops short, corners of his mouth turning down, sighing heavily, “I just wanna make sure -- are you and Luke are doing okay? I dunno, that might not be my place to ask. But I like you and I love Luke and he’s so happy with you.”

He doesn’t continue and Calum doesn’t quite understand, asking nervously, “Where’s this coming from Ashton? Am I do - is he saying something?”

Ashton’s face flashes in horror, sitting up a little, saying seriously, “No. Shit. God, this all came off really bad didn’t it?”

He laughs nervously before hurrying out, “I just know that it’s hard when you can’t put things out in the open and I’ve noticed that you kinda get a little nervous around the crowds and I just wanna make sure everything’s good.”

He smiles weakly and Calum breathes out, relieved, “Oh yeah. Well that’s just how things are. And we talked about it - we didn’t really want - I mean I’m not scared, but like, the idea of being known as Luke Hemmings’ boyf- I mean like just having my name associated with his seemed like something big and we just--”

He’s struggling for the words, not making sense but Ashton pats him on the shoulder, laughing softly, “Yeah, I get what you’re saying. That’s a lot. And I know I’m always giving you two shit about being careful I just don’t want either of you to get hurt. The media can be vicious sometimes and it’s --”

He shrugs, sounding a bit defeated, “It’s my job to kinda make sure that Luke keeps his shit together. I’m sorry.”

“Ashton,” Calum says slowly, feeling very serious and protective of him, “you’re not - anything that happens between me and Luke is because of me and Luke, y’know? Just because you’re telling us to be careful doesn’t mean we’re not making the choice to not go public on our own. You know that right?”

Ashton tips his head back against the sofa, sighing, “Yeah, I know. I just feel like sometimes I’m too hard on you two.”

“You’re not.”

“Good to hear,” he says and then he laughs loudly, mood shifting into something playful as he wrinkles his nose, saying through gasps of air, “Guess this is where I say ‘now if you hurt him I’ll kill you’ as any best friend should.”

He knows Ashton’s joking, he’s laughing louder than he’s heard him but Calum can’t laugh with him, can’t say anything more than a very honest, “Wouldn’t dream of it,” and hope Ashton knows how serious he really is.

 

Ashton seems to understand that Calum’s not kidding, patting his leg as he stands up, smiling broadly, “Good. Because I’d hate to have to kill you,” leaning in to help him up, joking again, “And truthfully I don’t think I could. I’d have to answer to Michael and Claire and probably Luke -- George might care, too -- and it’d honestly just be really messy.”

“Yeah messy’s awful,” Calum says and Ashton nods emphatically, saying, “Exactly! See, you understand. This is great.”

They exit the lounge in silence and something about seeing Luke curled up in his bunk with his penguin compels him to whisper, feeling like it’s very important for Ashton to understand, “Honestly Ash, I’m not gonna hurt him. I swear.”

Ashton considers him for a moment then he smiles, saying slowly, “I believe you,” and Calum feels like he’s won some sort of approval he didn’t even know he was seeking until today. Luke opens his eyes as the come closer, puffy and a little hazy from sleep, voice thick as he asks, “What’re you two talking about?”

Ashton laughs, clapping Calum on the back as he goes, “Nothing to worry your pretty little head about. Michael’s apparently got an awful sunburn and wants me to text him back. That’s pretty much the most important thing that happened.”

Luke laughs from his bunk, making no effort to get up, “A sunburn? Michael goes out in the sun?”

Ashton’s already gone and it’s just him and Calum in the small space where the bunks are and Calum laughs quietly, “Yeah, unbelievable I know.”

Luke smiles as he gets out of his bunk, pressing into Calum’s space and kissing him lightly, “Little sad he’s not gonna be here for my birthday. We’ll have to do something when I get back.”

It makes Calum’s heart swell in happiness knowing that Michael means enough to Luke to want to include him, but he doesn’t know how to express that, instead, he just laughs, “Yeah, he’ll love that.”

*  
Luke has a show in New Orleans the day before his birthday and for once the plans for after aren’t Claire’s idea. Marty says ten minutes before they all go on stage, eyes shining mischievously, “We should go out tonight on Bourbon,” and before Ashton even has time to object he’s saying, “Gotta show the birthday boy a good time, Ash. It’s so busy there, no one’s gonna recognize him in the throng of people.”

Ashton looks to George for help but he just shrugs and Ashton starts conceding once Claire joins in, saying quickly, “Alright, alright. You guys always make me out to be the bad guy. He’s only turning nineteen! I’m just being careful.”

Ryan waves his hand, laughing, “We’ll buy him the drinks, Ash, he’s never even gonna have to step inside a bar. It’s gonna be sick.”

Luke’s nearly glowing with all the attention he’s getting, saying quickly, “We don’t have to do anything big guys, we could just go to dinner tomorrow or something.”

Claire pushes past him as she makes her way to the stage, saying in a way that leaves no room for objection, “Not a chance, babe. We got Ashton hammered for his birthday - we’ve gotta do the same for you. You’re the pop star, after all.”

Luke looks a little bashful at the term pop star but then he’s turning to Calum with a breathtaking smile, asking, “How about you, Cal? Do you wanna go?” and Calum laughs, shrugging his shoulders as he asks Ashton, “Are you gonna hate me if I take their side?”

Ashton laughs, shaking his head a little in frustration, “Fuck it. I already hate all of you - might as well give Luke what he wants for his birthday.”

He smiles begrudgingly as he pushes Luke toward the exit after Claire, “When we’re all on a bus to Tampa tomorrow, hung over out of our minds, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

But for as much shit Ashton gives them before the show and in the cab on the way there, as insistent he is that they shouldn’t get too out of control, it seems to all go right out the window once he follows Claire and Ryan into a bar. They come out minutes later and Ashton’s smiling bigger than Calum’s probably ever seen him, laughing at something Claire’s said with three drinks in his hand, pushing one into Luke’s hand and saying, “Here, don’t say I never did anything for you.”

Before Luke can even respond, Claire’s hooking her arms through Ashton’s and Ryan’s and tilting her head back and calling for Marty to follow and Luke and Calum are left in their wake -- George pushing at their backs with a deep laugh, “Come on boys, go have fun.”

Calum takes a sip of his drink and grabs Luke’s arm to pull him over toward where he sees Claire’s pink hair bobbing through the crowd, laughing, “Let’s go make the most of the last thirty minutes of your best year. It’s all down hill from here.”

Luke claps his hand over his mouth with how hard he’s laughing, saying after a moment, “And you say Michael is the dramatic one!”

Calum pouts, trying not to get too caught up in how good Luke looks tonight -- how his cheeks are flushed from the heat and his eyes are bright with laughter -- tries to swallow the need to kiss him down by saying, “Mikey _is_ the dramatic one!”

He’s only had one sip of alcohol but the sticky heat of the night air and the way Luke’s looking at him in the middle of a crowded street like he’s the only one there is intoxicating. Luke’s shoulder brushes against Calum’s and he desperately wants to lace their fingers together, pull him through the crowd -- thinks he could without anyone noticing-- but there’s part of him that knows better, knows not to risk it when they’re having such a good time.

He knows it doesn’t matter if he gets to hold his hand but he wants to even more when Luke looks over at him, smiling happily, teasing, “Are you saying at midnight my life’s just gonna start sucking?”

“No, Lucas, you’re life could never suck with me around.”

Luke grabs his hand, squeezing it gently before speeding up to finally close the distance between them and Claire, laughing, “You’re right about that,” and Calum knows Michael’s been right this entire time. He pushes that aside for a later day and lets himself get lost in the way Claire grabs his hand and brings him in for a hug, eyes bright with alcohol and laughter, pulling him to say against his ear, “God, you’re so good with him,” before letting him go and running off with Marty in tow.

It leaves him feeling warm and fond and he downs half his drink just to try to wash the feeling away but Luke presses his hand against the small of his back as the walk down the street and Calum gives up entirely, resigning himself to the fact that whenever Luke’s around he’ll always feel like this.

He lets Luke lead him through the crowd and the night passes in a haze of Claire’s laughter and Ashton’s giggles; of Luke’s smile growing larger with each drink he has, hands slipping over Calum’s body in ways they usually wouldn’t in public; of Ryan and Marty coming over to Luke a quarter past one with two tiny plastic cups filled with three cherries soaking in a clearish pink liquid, handing them to Calum and Luke with devilish grins, Ryan saying, “Cherry bombs for the babies of the group.”

“Babies?” Luke pouts and Calum timidly places one cherry in his mouth, nearly choking as he bites into it, nose wrinkling with the strength of the liquor. Marty laughs, eyes still twinkling mischievously, “They’re soaked in everclear.”

Calum grimaces, mouth burning a little, “That explains why it’s fucking disgusting.”

He tips his cup against Luke’s, laughing at the way his mouth turns down as he brings one of the cherries up to his nose and sniffs it, saying, “Cheers, Lukey. Happy birthday.”

His mouth feels numb after finishing them and it doesn’t take long for his mind to wander to what it’d feel like with Luke’s dick in his mouth right now and he’s relieved when not even twenty minutes later Luke is pressing against his back, breath warm against the shell of his eyes, saying, “Let’s get out of here, Cal.”

Luke’s hand is hot on his hip, fingers digging in a little as he says, “Think I want you to fuck me tonight,” and Calum freezes, head spinning for reasons totally outside of the alcohol coursing through his veins.

“Yeah, yeah. Okay.”

When he turns around to look at Luke, his eyes are blown and his lips are two shades darker than it usually is and Calum has to clasp his hands behind his back to stop himself from pulling him forward into a kiss, breathing out slowly, saying carefully, “Are you sure?”

Luke locks eyes with him and Calum feels his cheeks heat up, feels the way his pulse quickens and his breath hitches as Luke nods once, saying smugly, “Always sure with you,” and all Calum can think is _fuck_.

*

It’s past two by the time they make it back to the hotel and Calum should be exhausted, should be embarrassed when George says sternly as they walk into the lobby, “Boys, easy now,” as Luke grabs haphazardly at his waist and pulls him against his side. He should feel some sort of restraint at there being a smattering of people looking at them but he can’t think past Luke’s voice replaying in his head saying he wants Calum to fuck him -- can’t focus on anything but the way it feels like Luke’s hand is burning right through his shirt as the elevator closes behind them.

George laughs as the doors open to their floor, clearing his throat as he heads to his room, “I’m just going to pretend I didn’t see anything. Have a good night, boys.”

His heart speeds up as Luke opens the door to their room and Calum’s painfully aware of how nervous he is, thankful that the alcohol in his system is toning it down because if not, he might pass out with the way Luke looks at him. Everything seems to come to a stop as the two of them stand in the doorway awkwardly until Luke rushes forward, pressing Calum against the door and kissing him hard and rushed, stubble scraping against Calum’s skin and jarring him out of his daze. He wraps his arms around Luke’s neck and pulls him in closer, nipping at his bottom lip and Luke nearly growls, “Now, Cal. I want you to fuck me _now_.”

The needier Luke is, the more his nerves fade away, laughing as he pushes Luke back toward the bed, “Patience, Luke. _Patience_.”

“Don’t wanna be patient, it’s my birthday,” he pouts as Calum pulls Luke’s shirt over his head, following with his own, shaking his head softly, “You do have a point, there.”

Luke pulls him down on top of him, fingers scraping over the skin of his hips slightly as he kisses him again-- this time even more rushed than before. Calum’s mind slows, pulse calming as he settles into Luke’s lap because this is familiar. Luke biting at his lip as he grinds down against his lap, his hands roaming over his back, nails scratching as Calum moves away from his lip and sucks a mark into his collarbone is calming in the way it feels like it’s something he’s always meant to be doing.

He climbs off Luke’s lap and pushes at his chest lightly as he whines, saying softly, “Gotta get the shit together, babe,” and tries not to blush when Luke repeats _babe_ softly as he lies back on the bed.

He counts to ten as he rummages through his bag, thinks about the way Luke always insists that the firsts he has with Calum don’t have to be a big deal and tells himself that this is just the same. That this isn’t a big deal and he doesn’t have to be nervous. But it doesn’t stop his hands from trembling a bit as he settles between Luke’s legs. Doesn’t stop the way he has to breathe in deep several times before removing the rest of their clothes, only calming when Luke props himself up on his elbows, chest flushed and eyes blow, saying very seriously, “Trust you, Calum.”

It spurs him forward, allows him to sink down between Luke’s legs and take him in, let’s him forget about his nerves and only think about the way Luke’s cock feels hitting the back of his throat and how much he loves it. How he loves the sounds Luke makes as he bucks up into his mouth, the way his fingers dig into Calum’s shoulder, trying to get his attention as he struggles to say, “Fucking - Cal, I don’t - you’re supposed to be _fucking me_ not making me come in your mouth.”

He pulls off, smirking as Luke whines at the loss of contact. The sound is lost and transforms into something like a muffled groan as Calum brushes his freshly lubed finger against his rim, biting his lip before saying firmly, “Calum. Hurry up.”

He’d like to think he’s not as desperate as Luke, would like to think he could prolong this more until Luke’s really begging for it, but he’s flushed and hard and looking up at Calum expectantly and Calum can’t wait any longer. He sinks back down, hollowing his cheeks around Luke as he slowly pushes the first finger in. The sounds Luke makes as Calum opens him up and sucks him off has Calum achingly hard and he’s only got a moment to think _why didn’t we do this sooner_ before Luke’s pushes down against his fingers and demanding, “Now, _now_.”

He sits back on his heels, laughing as he says, “You’re so fucking hot when you’re like this” and the flush across Luke’s body deepens.

“Don’t try and distract me with your compliments.”

Calum rolls the condom on, slicking himself up, laughing as he lines himself up, “I’m not trying to distract you, Luke. You are.”

He pushes in slower than the first time Luke fucked him, kissing him through it and Luke sighs heavily as Calum bottoms out. It’s not until Luke pushes back against him, saying impatiently, “I swear to god, you don’t have to be this careful with me,” that Calum moves. He fucks into him slowly at first but then Luke’s pulling him forward and kissing him hard and rough, teeth scraping against his jaw, nails scratching down his back and Calum lets himself give into his own desperation. He fucks into him harder and faster, biting at Luke’s shoulder as Luke clenches around him -- Calum’s name tumbling out of his mouth in short, breathy gasps.

He slips his hand between the two of them, working Luke off in time with his thrusts and his vision blurs a little as Luke comes over his hand with a loud groan, sighing as Luke pulls him forward into a kiss. He comes not too long after, falling against Luke’s chest, hot and flushed, panting from the force of his orgasm and Luke laughs into his shoulder, kissing it softly, “I fucking love birthdays.”

*

Ashton is right about the bus ride being miserable but he’s just as hungover as the rest of them so he doesn’t rub it in their faces. He stays curled up in his bunk with his curtain closed and shushes anyone who talks while walking by and Calum thinks he has the right idea. He curls up on the couch in the back lounge, too woozy to stay in a bunk, and rest his head on the cool leather and lets the sound of cars passing by lull him to sleep. He wakes up later to the sound of Luke’s laughter, voice soft and quiet as he says, “Dunno, Mikey, think he’s still asleep.”

Calum groans, rubbing at his face roughly, trying to push away the lingering feeling of sleep clinging to his eyes, “I’m not. Where are we? Are we almost there?”

Luke looks at him with so much fondness that Calum has to turn away, has to sit up and busy himself with the fraying edge of the blanket he’d been using for fear of things he’s not ready to admit aloud falling out of his mouth.

Luke laughs, “He just woke up. You might want to call him later.”

His laugh only grows louder, more vibrant as he comes over, pushing the phone in Calum’s face, saying, “He’s demanding your attention.”

Calum takes the phone and regrets it immediately as Michael shouts his name, laughing as he asks, “How’s your hangover?”  
“It’d be a lot better if you weren’t yelling in my ear.”

“Since I can’t be there to nap it away with you, this is what you get.”

“It’s not my fault you’re stuck at the beach!” he says exasperatedly, laughing again as Michael says, “Of course it’s not,” as if he’s spent the last week and a half concocting a story in which it is absolutely Calum’s fault that he’s stuck there -- and knowing Michael, he probably has.

“What do you want, Mikey?”

“Here I am calling your boyfriend - don’t say he’s not I’m not hearing it today -- on his birthday to tell him happy birthday, wanting to check in on you, too, and you’re acting like I’m a burden. See if I pick you up from the airport on Monday.”

“My dad’s picking me up.”

Michael scoffs, “And now you won’t even let me pick you up! Wow.”

“I’m kidding, Michael,” he soothes and he can imagine it very clearly the way Michael’s probably waving his hand, brushing his comment off as he says, “Yeah. yeah. Anyway, I wanted to ask you how Luke liked his present?”

“Oh,” Calum says, nerves flaring up just a little bit, “I haven’t given it to him yet.”

“Honestly, man, what would you do without me? You’d never get anything done.” Michael sighs, laughing exasperatedly, “Give him the fucking gift, Cal. He’s gonna love it.”

“I know he’s gonna love it,” he says, trying to fill himself with confidence, “I’m a great gift giver.”

“Always an ego,” Michael laughs, saying after a beat, “Tell me how he likes it.”

He pauses, voice softer and quieter, like he hates to admit it, “Miss you, man. Can’t wait to see you.”

He hangs up the phone feeling warm and fond and the feeling is only increased by Luke looking back at him with a small smile, asking with a hint of surprise, “You got me a present?”

“Don’t sound so shocked. We’re a thing - of course I got you a present.”

He leaves Luke for a moment to go to his bunk, finding his backpack where he’s been keeping the gift all along -- knowing that Luke would have found it in his bag with how often he steals his clothes -- and he stalls a bit as he rummages around to find it, feeling nervous that Luke will think it’s ridiculous. He wishes he had wrapped the thing, had done something that would prolong Luke’s reaction a little longer-- just enough to let Calum’s nerves settle-- but he hadn’t so he tucks it behind his back and says a little timidly as he stands in front of Luke, “Okay. If you hate it just --”

Luke cuts him off, saying excitedly, “Shut up! I’m not gonna hate it.”

He hands over the gift, a small black leather journal and waits for Luke to notice the details. Luke’s face lights up and he bites at his lip as he thumbs over the corner of the journal where his initials are debossed into the leather. His smile only grows as he looks up, thumb stopped between the _LH_ , saying enthusiastically, “This is a penguin! Calum! This is- wow. I love it.”

He looks so happy sitting there brushing his thumb over the initials that Calum can’t help it -- he finally lets himself think _I love him_ as he leans forward and kisses him. But he tucks it away for another day, saying instead, “Happy birthday, Luke,” and tells himself he has plenty of time to say it when he’s ready -- that Luke will still be around when he no longer feels like his heart will burst if he says the words out loud.

*

But Calum never does tell him, though, and maybe he should have seen this all coming. Maybe he should have known things were too good to last on the last day he was on tour with Luke, sitting behind the camera as Luke is interviewed, watching him squirm with distraction -- face burning bright red as Luke slips up and says, “Sorry my Calum - I mean _my friend_ Calum is back there distracting me. What was the question?”

Maybe he should have talked to Luke the last day of the American leg of the tour after they saw a girl walking away giggling when they care around a corner flushed and red mouthed. Maybe he should have known this all happened a little too fast -- that things could never be that easy while involved with a pop star -- but his heart still drops and his hands still clam up when Luke comes over to his and Michael’s new place days before he leaves for Europe looking like he hasn’t slept in days.

His shoulders are slumped and his mouth is pressed in a thin line. He has dark circles under his eyes and his hair is tucked back under a beanie and Calum can’t remember the last time Luke looked this nervous in front of him. He tries to joke, tries to make him smile, teasing, “Hey, Luke. Heard on the radio this morning that you’ve got a blossoming relationship. Anyone I know?” but that only seems to make it worse.

Luke takes a deep breath, frowning as he says, “That’s what I need to talk to you about,” and Calum knows that nothing he has to say after is going to be good, surprised when Luke asks, “Is Michael here?”

“No, he’s out getting his books. Stop stalling, though. What is this about?”

Luke smiles but it does nothing to calm Calum’s nerves because it’s small and sad and his voice is desperate as he says, “Nothing. Forget it. Let’s just go get lunch.”

He wants to. He wants to walk out of this place and get in Luke’s car and drive somewhere that doesn’t feel so small -- wants to forget the pained expression on Luke’s face when he walked in here. But he can’t -- he has to know what’s going on. “No. _No_. Tell me what’s wrong. You know you can tell me anything.”

“They know, Cal. People are starting to talk. They know it’s you.”

“No. No they don’t,” he says, trying to soothe Luke as well as himself. “No, on the radio they said nothing about names. Just shit about how you’ve been saying things that make it sound like you’re taken. But that doesn’t have to be a big deal. People always talk about that with everyone.”

Luke shakes his head softly, “The fans know. I mean, they think they know. It’s only a matter of time until other people start talking, too.”

Luke is too calm, too resigned, and it makes Calum feel like he’s going to crawl right out of his skin with how fast his heart is racing -- how much he needs this not to be happening right now.

He tries to stay calm, tries not to let his voice give away how much he’s freaking out, saying carefully, “Okay. We’ll just have to - I dunno. We’ll just be more careful. Stop going out without other people. I don’t know, Luke. It’s not - I don’t care if my name is in the papers or online or whatever.”

He laughs because it’s the only thing he knows how to do, feeling his composure slipping away, “It’s just speculation. I can handle it.”

Luke’s face falls, looking down at his feet, not meeting Calum’s eyes as he says, “We said we weren’t ready for that -- that you weren’t ready for that.”

He looks at Calum, then, saying firmly, “I don’t want to put you through that. People are mean.”

His heart calms, a warmth radiating over him at how concerned Luke sounds, saying, “Okay. But I can handle it. I don’t care.”

“I do, though. I don’t want people tearing you down just for being with _me_. That’s not fair. Nothing about this is fair.”

“What are you saying. I don’t understand what’s happening here.”

Luke runs his hands over his face, sighing, “I just think we need to take some time apart. Just until people stop talking.”

All the warmth he had felt moments before is replaced by anger and dread. He feels cold, laughing bitterly, “Jesus Christ, you came here to break up with me. Amazing.”

“No!” Luke says, looking panicked but Calum doesn’t care anymore.

“Right. I forgot. We’re just fooling around. Can’t break up with someone who’s not your boyfriend, right?”

“No,” Luke snaps. “You know it was never like that. We’re a thing, me and you. You _are_ my boyfriend.”

“Not anymore,” he says angrily. “I can give you time and I can give you space because goddammit Luke, you’re leaving for Europe in three days! How can I not? How much more time and fucking space do you need? But I can’t -- _I won’t_ wait for you to decide I’m worth the hassle. No. I won’t do that.”

“Calum, please,” Luke begs, “I just need some time to figure this out. Figure out how to do this!”

“Fine, fine,” he says weakly, feeling small and tired, no longer wanting to be talking. “Call me when you figure it out but I think it’s time for you to leave now.”

Luke starts talking, sounding panicked, “Can we just finish this conversation, please?”

“There’s nothing left to say. You need time. I won’t wait. And now I need you to leave.”

“Calum,” he’s begging and Calum wants to make him stop but he’s too hurt to care past needing him to go, saying softly, “Luke, please. Please just leave.”

“I don’t,” he starts to object but he cuts himself short when Calum sucks in a sharp breath. His shoulders slump even more and it looks like he’s trying to make himself smaller, saying softly, disappointment almost overwhelming, “Okay. Yeah.”

Part of Calum wants to stop him, wants to tell him to stay, but an even bigger part needs him to leave before he makes a fool of himself and he’s almost relieved when Luke turns to leave. He stops at the door, looking back briefly to say, “I’ll see you around, Calum. I just need some time,” and Calum tries to block out his feelings.  
He falls back on the couch, curling in on himself and wills himself not to feel anything, wills himself not to care about Luke or the way he looked just as hurt as Calum feels, telling himself that it doesn’t matter.

But it does matter, it matters too much and he doesn’t know what he’s going to do. He texts Michael, _need you_ and then calls Mali, saying as soon as she picks up, “We broke up. We broke up, Mali, and I lo- fuck that. No. I hate him.”

Mali’s voice is soft and kind, comforting like it always is, “Cal, it’s alright to say you love him,” and he’s never felt smaller.

“Not when he needs time. No. He doesn’t get that anymore. I don’t want to anymore.”

“What happened?”

“He needs time to figure out how to do this. Wants to wait until people stop talking about it. Doesn’t want me getting dragged through the mud or some bullshit. I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters because I’m not waiting and he’s not gonna come around and everything is awful.”

“Calum,” she says, voice firm and leveled, and Calum doesn’t know how she can be so calm when he feels like everything is slipping out of control.

“Don’t Calum me,” he laughs. “I’m fine. I’m going to be fine. Just a dumb boy, right?”

“No, it’s not just a dumb boy. It’s a boy you care about. But if you need to tell yourself that to feel better then you do it. But hey, listen to me, you’re worth it. You’re worth it all. I’m sorry he needs time but I think he’ll come around.”

“What if I don’t want him to come around?” he asks feebly, feeling a little sick at the thought, glad when Mali laughs a little, saying, “Well, if that’s what you want, then I hope he fucks right off.”

“Mali!”

She laughs and Calum does, too, feeling the tiniest bit better, saying softly, “Thank you. For talking to me. Sorry to interrupt your lunch break.”

“It’s fine, Cal. Call me any time. You know I’m always here for you.”

She insists that he call her anytime he needs to talk and Calum says he will just to make her feel better, knowing he probably won’t though, because he thinks after today he never wants to talk about Luke Hemmings again. He hangs up the phone and lies back on the couch, curls his knees up against his chest and counts to ten, praying that if he wills it hard enough he just won’t care anymore.

Michael comes home ten minutes later, laughing as he opens the door, “Just got your text, man. Please tell me you haven’t set anything on fire.”

Calum looks up at him from the couch, trying to smile and Michael’s face falls, eyes narrowing in concern, “What’s wrong, Calum? What happened?”

“Oh, you know, just broke up with Luke. Worried about school starting. Don’t wanna buy my books. Just your average pre semester blues.”

“Wait, go back. Rewind. You broke up with Luke? Why’d you go and do that?”

“I didn’t break up with him,” he snaps and Michael looks confused, saying, “You just said that you did.”

“Well I didn’t. I mean, okay look. He broke up with me I just put the words to it because he was too much of a coward to do it himself.”

“Cal, you’re gonna have to explain.”

“There’s nothing to fucking explain, Michael,” he says, sitting up and he no longer feels like he needs Luke to walk back in and fix this -- he’s just furious. “It’s over. We’re over. And I don’t wanna talk about it anymore. I don’t ever want to think about him ever again.”

“What happened?” Michael asks again, softer, more timid and Calum breaks, “He wanted time. I already give him so much time, Michael. So much fucking time. I barely see his stupid fucking face and then he comes in here asking for time. And it’s not worth it. I’m not gonna wait around for an asshole who doesn’t listen when I say I don’t care if people are talking about us.”

Michael sits down with him, thighs pressed against his, not saying anything and Calum thinks he’s in the clear, thinks Michael will drop the subject and just let him be angry in peace, but then Michael says slowly, “People are talking.”

It’s not a question but Calum feels like he needs to explain, saying, “Yeah and he doesn’t want to put me through that -- needs time to figure out how to do this.”

“And you didn’t want that?”

“What? Are you taking his side?”

“No, of course not. I’m just trying to understand what’s going on here.”

“He doesn’t want me - stop. Don’t fucking say he does. I don’t care. I don’t want to hear it. I hate him. I literally hate him so much right now. Time! _Time_. How can he need time. We have so little time together and now he wants to just - nothing. Never mind. None of it is important.”

He gets up, needing to get away from this, needing to get out of this room and somewhere where he’s not forced to think about the look on Luke’s face as he stood at the door begging Calum to let him stay. He doesn’t want to deal with any of these emotions, but Michael grabs his hand, asking, “What did he say, exactly?” and Calum can’t move.

“That he needed time. Please stop making me go through this again. I’m tired, my head hurts, and I just want to go to sleep. I told him to call me when he figures his shit out, but I’m not getting my hopes up on that -- wasn’t exactly very nice when I told him to leave.”

He pulls his hand away and Michael gets up, wraps him up and Calum falls into it, feeling small and vulnerable and like he might just cry. He breathes in the scent on Michael’s collar, laughing at how comforting it is, “God, Mikey, I’m a mess. This is ridiculous.”

Michael squeezes tighter around his waist, soothing, “It’s not ridiculous.”

They stay there for a long time, Michael holding him close against him until Calum can’t stand it anymore. He pulls back and Michael smiles reassuringly, saying confidently, “He’ll call, Cal.”

Calum shrugs, no longer letting himself feel hopeful by the thought, saying weakly as he heads to his room, “Doesn’t matter if he does. I won’t care.”

Michael doesn’t object. He lets him lie and walk away without another word and Calum’s never been more thankful. He crawls into his bed and hopes that when he wakes up he’ll actually not care.

*  
Luke never does call and as much as he’d like not to, Calum absolutely does care. He gives himself until classes start to wallow. He lies around in bed, repeatedly scrolling through his text messages with Luke, drafting several messages about how he misses him, just to delete them before sending them. When it gets too much he crawls in bed with Michael and lies next to him, breathing out heavily, “I think it would be in both of our best interest if we started fooling around.”

It becomes routine for Michael to slap at his stomach before pulling him in for a cuddle, whispering into his hair, “You weren’t that good of a kisser - I’ll pass,” before gently slipping Calum’s phone out of his hand and saying, “Don’t need that, Cal.”

It’s easy to burrow in next to Michael, easy to laugh into his chest and let Luke’s words that have been ringing in his mind edge away each time Michael reassures him it will be okay. It’s easy to fall into the schedule of classes and forget about Luke with each assignment he gets and book he has to read. It’s easy to push away the feelings and momentarily forget that Luke and him were ever even a thing.

That is until he and Michael are at the mall two weeks into the semester and _I Want You_ comes on and Calum freezes in the middle of the store. Michael pulls him out of the store gently, saying, “Always hated that sound, anyway,” and Calum hates himself for still caring, hates himself for snapping, “Shut up. It’s a fucking good song.”

Michael doesn’t seem to mind, just laughs and says, “Gotta let me shit talk him, Cal. I know you love him but it’s gonna make you feel better.”

His heart quickens and his face pales at the word _love_ and he feels like every nerve of his is on fire, rushing out, “I know I love him! That’s the goddamn fucking problem here, Michael.”

He’s angry and he doesn’t want to talk about it but Michael grabs his arm, face turned up in shock at Calum finally admitting it out loud, and Calum tugs his arm away too rough for how gentle Michael’s being with him, begging, “Please, not now. Just not now.”

They walk to the car in silence -- Michael looking at him periodically and Calum trying not to blush with frustration over his emotions getting the best of him over a song -- and when they get home Calum goes straight to bed. It’s not even dark outside but he doesn’t care, he slips his shoes off and burrows down under his comforter and tries to think of everything that he hates about Luke. But the only thing he can come up with is _he left me_ and that only makes him feel worse -- only takes him back to square one where he feels like he’s going to fall apart all over again.

He can’t pull himself out of it this time and Michael resorts to buying him all his favorite foods, playing all of his favorite songs, and forcing him to watch all his favorite movies in an attempt to make him feel better. It works well enough but when Michael comes into Calum’s room a month after Luke left for tour, just to find Calum sniffling into his pillow, he crawls in next to Calum and wraps his arms around him, squeezing tight as he says, “Okay, that’s enough. We’re gonna lie here and cry. And then we’re gonna forget this piece of shit ever made you feel like this. And then maybe take a shower and get you laid.”

Calum laughs for what feels like the first time in weeks, asking, “Are you offering to get me off, Mikey?”

“No, I’m not. But I think I remember you saying something about stress relief when you called things off with Liam. Maybe it’s time you called in a favor, Cal.”  
Calum sighs heavily, wanting nothing more than it to be that easy, saying, “Did you know I was supposed to be going to London to see that asshole in three weeks?”

Michael kisses his cheek sloppily, laughing, “Look at you! Making so much progress - calling him names and everything now.”

Then his voice softens, propping himself up to look down at Calum very seriously, “No, Cal. I didn’t know that. What do you want me to do? Do you want me to tell you he looks like shit? Because I can do that. Do you want me to tell you I hope he loses his voice and ruins all his shows? Because I don’t even really need you to tell me to want that, I just do. What can I do?”

Calum rubs at his eyes, rolling over and looking up at the ceiling, sighing, “You’re right. I do need to get laid. And I maybe need to hear that he looks like shit, too. Even if it’s a lie.”

Michael laughs, falling back on the bed next to Calum, “Nah, it’s not a lie. Ashton’s been texting me. Says he’s lost his thunder.”

His stomach twists uncomfortably at the idea of Luke losing his thunder but then he remembers that Luke said he’d see him around -- how Calum left it up to him to fix this, how he could have easily called and sorted this all out by now -- and then his anger is flaring up again, sitting up and saying firmly, “Good. That’s what he gets for fucking me over.”

“Where are you going?” Michael asks as he heads for the door and Calum’s actually a little surprised at how easy it is for him to say, “I’m gonna take a shower and then I’m gonna text Liam. See if he’s up for anything tonight.”

*

It turns out Liam is exactly what he needs. His laugh is warm and amused when he opens the door to Calum two hours later, eyes crinkling up as he takes Calum in, saying, “You know, I’m a little jealous that you look this good.”

“You don’t look too bad yourself, man.”

Liam rolls his eyes, laughing more, “I know. But you’re supposed to be stressed, yeah? That’s why you called me. I never look this good when I’m stressed. It’s unfair and I should turn you down just on principle.”

Calum pouts, feeling comfortable in his own skin for the first time in so long, teasing, “You’d never.”

Liam sizes him up, eyes trailing over the dip of his collarbones, lingering on his bottom lip for a moment too long, smiling smugly, “Nah, I wouldn’t,” pulling him forward and connecting their mouths, breathing out after a moment, “You’re too good at what you do.”  
Liam is a nice person, he’s funny and he’s kind and he was always good to Calum -- but right now none of that matters. Right now, the only thing he cares about is how good Liam’s mouth feels against his and how he tastes nothing like Luke. He doesn’t sound like him either. Doesn’t touch like him. Doesn’t fuck like him.

His hands are slow and steady as he undresses Calum, never faltering no matter how much Calum begs. He makes him wait for it -- gets him hard and flushed just by kissing down his chest before he even touches him through his jeans and then it’s only a press of his palm before he’s pulling away, eyes hooded and dark, saying, “Want me to fuck you tonight, Cal?”

Calum groans, wanting it all, saying flustered and impatient, “Yes, fuck. Just - yeah.”

Liam kisses him again, popping the button of his jeans undone and Calum feels desperate, feels his vision blurring with how much he needs this, choking out, “Liam. Jesus. Come on.”

Liam laughs against his mouth before trailing kisses down his body, scraping his teeth over the skin above his waistband before unzipping his jeans and pushing them out of the way, smiling up at him as he hovers over his cock, “Never seen you so fucking needy. Looks good on you.”

Liam sinks down on his cock, cheeks hollowing out around him and Calum loses focus, breathing coming in sharp, head spinning with how good everything feels and when Liam slips a finger inside and starts opening him up Calum can’t help but push down against him -- desperate for more. Liam works him open quickly and Calum only feels a slight pang of longing when he thinks about how much more thorough Luke would have been -- how much he always needed to be sure -- but then Liam’s rolling on the condom and slicking himself up before pushing in slowly and Calum doesn’t care anymore. Because Liam gives him just what he needs, fucks into him quick and hard and makes him beg to be touched and it’s nice to feel so out of control. It’s nice to get lost in the feel of Liam’s mouth against his neck and his thumb brushing teasingly over the slit of his cock as he fucks into him.

It’s nice how his mind goes blank and he momentarily forgets every bit of sadness he’s felt for the last month when Liam finally wraps his hand around his cock and starts working him off in time with his thrusts. Calum comes hot and hard between the two of them, panting and flushed as Liam fucks him through his own orgasm, laughing as Liam falls against his chest, saying, “Who knew sex was such a cure all.”

Liam laughs, low and breathy, voice rough, “I told you.”

“Showed me, too,” Calum jokes and Liam pushes off him, whole body shaking with laughter and Calum feels good -- finally feels like he can get himself through this.

*  
He absolutely does not start seeing Liam -- it’s just that sometimes they get hungry at the same time and sometimes they sleep together. Calum doesn’t feel anything for him other than friendship, Liam never tries to pay for his food, and neither of them feel obligated to text each other outside of wanting to sleep together. But that doesn’t stop the wave of guilt that washes over him when he and Liam run into Jack one night after dinner.

Jack smiles at him slowly, looking between Calum and Liam carefully, saying, “Haven’t seen you in a while, Calum. Nice running into you.”

His voice is clipped and he brushes past them quickly and Calum knows he should leave it. Should let Jack walk away and not push his luck, but he can’t help it, he can’t swallow down his curiosity, blushing bright red as he asks, “How is he, Jack?”

Jack turns around slowly and Calum’s heart hurts seeing how upset he looks, skin crawling as Jacks looks between him and Liam again. This time he lingers on the way Liam’s hand is tucked behind Calum’s back, pressing in reassuringly and Calum wonders if he can sense that this is something big for Calum, wonders if he can hear Calum’s heart beat quicken when Jack says, “Not as good as you, that’s for sure.”

Jack turns around again, making his way down the sidewalk and Calum moves to go after him but Liam’s fingers are quick, holding into the fabric of Calum’s shirt and keeping him steadying, saying slowly, “Are you sure that’s a good idea, Cal?”

“No, it’s an awful idea but I’m nineteen, right? It’s my time for loads of awful ideas,” he says and Liam lets him go, lets him run forward a little and catch Jack’s arm, saying carefully, “It’s not what it looks like.”

Jack sighs, turning around to look at Calum again and this time he just looks tired, saying, “You don’t have to explain yourself to me.”

“I feel like I need to explain myself to someone,” he admits and Jack just laughs, a short puff of air that’s a little unnerving.

“He broke up with you, right? I don’t know why - you were good with him - and now he’s a mess like you called it off.”

Jack raises his hands, a little in defense, and Calum feels like he’s crumbling all over again hearing him say, “I don’t know what happened, he’s not talking to many people right now,” and then he laughs bitterly, shaking his head, “But you probably shouldn’t be hearing that. So I’m gonna shut up now. Have a good night, Calum. I hope you two work it out one day.”

Jack walks away and Calum knows not to follow this time, knows there’s nothing left for either of them to say -- that it’s not Jack’s responsibility to fix this -- but he can’t move from this spot or make Jack’s voice ringing in his ears saying _you were good with him_ stop.

Liam’s hand is soft at his elbow, voice kind as he says, “Come on, let’s get out of here,” and Calum doesn’t want to put it on him, doesn’t want to burden anyone else with his broken heart, but he can’t help it, saying sadly, “I think I really fucked up, Liam.”

Liam spins him around, guiding him back down the sidewalk to his car, saying softly, “Maybe so, but like you said - shit happens when you’re nineteen.”

He laughs, and it makes Calum feel just a bit better as he says, “And I’m a testament to the fact that shit’s still gonna be happening when you’re twenty two.”

Calum laughs, shoulders shaking with it, “You’re awful at this. Is that supposed to make me feel better?”

“Well, doesn’t it?”

“No!” Calum says, still laughing, and Liam shrugs, smiling, “But you’re laughing.”

Calum is and for that he’s thankful because he doesn’t know what it is about Liam that makes this so easy but walking down the sidewalk with him makes Calum feel like he can do this -- makes him feel like he can get past this -- but when he gets home that night it all hits him and he tells himself that texting Luke once isn’t a sign of weakness. That texting him just to see if he’s alright doesn’t have to mean anything -- he just needs to know he’s okay.

He drafts several messages, spanning from f _uck you for making me feel like this_ to please tell me you’re alright but sends none of them. He finally settles on, _Ran into Jack tonight. Thought of you._ and tucks his phone away before going to sleep -- wondering if the _I love you_ is as obvious as it feels.

He wakes up to a message from Luke saying _Miss you_ and thinks that this might be a sign things will finally turn around but when he texts him back he never gets another response and Calum knows he should have never texted him in the first place -- never given him another piece of him when Luke obviously doesn’t care. But that doesn’t stop him from dwelling on it, doesn’t stop him from calling things off with Liam and staying at home, doesn’t stop him from looking up videos of Luke’s shows just to see how bad he looks -- just to feel worse when he sees first hand that he _has_ lost his thunder.

Michael comes into his room a week after he starts wallowing again, saying softly, “I need to talk to you, Cal.”

Calum laughs, “Nope, sorry. The last time someone needed to talk to me I ended up like this. No longer accepting requests to talk out of self preservation.”

“That’s what it’s about.”

Calum sighs, sitting up, “What now? What could it possibly be now? I don’t have anything left to say about this situation.”

“Ashton wants you to come to London,” Michael says and Calum laughs bitterly, “Yeah, that’s really fucking funny, Mikey.”

“You know I wouldn’t fuck around with you like that.”

“Then what is this about? Ashton’s gotta know that would be an awful idea. _You_ should know that’s an awful idea.”

“Yeah, it is. But you sitting here looking like a kicked puppy all the time is an awful idea, too, and that’s not stopping you there. So I dunno. Maybe you should go.”

“Michael.”

“Calum,” Michael says, affecting his voice and Calum laughs, saying, “This is an awful idea.”

“Yeah, but awful ideas are our specialty, right?”

“I’m supposed to leave tomorrow.”

Michael nods, smiling, “I know.”

“I haven’t packed.”

“No, you haven’t.”

“He’s not going to want to see me.”

Michael shrugs, smiling softly, “You won’t know unless you go.”

“He said he missed me. Then he never texted me back.”

Michael’s eyes narrow, breathing out slowly, “He’s a dick and he doesn’t deserve this. But _you do_. I think you should go.”

“He’s not a dick,” Calum says, not knowing if he’ll ever stop feeling the need to defend Luke.  
Michael rolls his eyes, laughing, “See, this is why you gotta go. Because you love him and he loves you - he’s just being a fucking asshole about it. And I’m fucking tired of seeing you look so hurt all the time.”

Calum laughs, “Yeah, and I’m tired of feeling like this.”

“Then you’re going.”

“Then I’m going,” he agrees, lying back on his bed and sighing dramatically, “This has to be top ten of the stupidest things I’ve ever done.”

“Not going would be, too, though,” Michael says and Calum knows that -- knows that if Ashton of all people thinks this is worth it then there has to be some chance that Luke will want him there. But he still feels nervous, still feels vulnerable, asking Michael softly, “What if it’s really over, Mikey?”

“If it is, we’ll figure something out. But he said he misses you and Ashton says he’s never seen Luke look so miserable, so,” he shrugs, smiling reassuringly, “I dunno, it doesn’t sound like it’s over, Cal.”

Calum hopes so, he really does, but as he packs his bag that night he feels like maybe he shouldn’t go -- that it’s not worth it to make himself vulnerable to Luke again. He texts Ashton before he goes to bed, saying, _I’m not getting on that plane unless he knows i’m coming_ and falls asleep not knowing what he wants Ashton to respond with.

He wakes up to _he knows_ and loses count of how many deep breaths he has to take the entire day leading up to the flight. Loses count of how many times he has to tell himself _this will be okay_ and _so much time has passed_ before his nerves settle down to a dull roar. He loses count of how many times he reads _miss you_ on his cab ride to Luke’s hotel and how many times he has to bite his lip to stop himself from telling the cab driver to turn around and take him back to the airport.

It all goes out the window when Luke opens the door for him, though, and every concern slips away as Luke smiles softly, warm and kind, saying, “God, I’ve missed your fucking face.”

Then he’s pulling him through the room and kissing him firm and fast and Calum can’t remember how to use words -- can’t get the _we need to talk_ out when Luke’s licking into his mouth and scratching at the base of his scalp. Words don’t seem to matter anymore, not when Luke’s kissing him like he’s got nothing else he’d ever rather do -- not when Luke sounds so desperate and impatient as he undresses the two of them. Not when he pushes him back against the bad and climbs on top of him, sucking hard against the juncture of his neck to the point Calum is sure he’s purposely trying to mark him up.

They only seem to matter when Luke stills, hovering over the waistband of his jeans, mouth red and slick from kissing, asking, “Do you want this?”

“Yes, fuck, _yes_ ,” he says, not at all surprised at how easily it comes out and how much he’s needed this.

It’s fast and desperate and Luke’s fingers dig into his back as he fucks into him and in the morning he wakes up thinking the night before might have been a mistake because Luke’s not there. But he walks in moments later with two muffins, a soft smile creeping up on his lips as he says, “Morning, Cal,” and Calum thinks this is the first step to fixing everything.

*

But things are never as easy as they seem and Calum knows that pushing things off and not talking them through before falling into bed with each other is a mistake the minute Claire walks into the dressing room an hour before the show, bright smile on her face saying, “Jesus, it’s great to see your ugly mug here again, Cal. Here I was thinking I’d never see you again - that Luke was right about you fucking off in a new relationship.”

“What?” Calum asks, feeling his chest tighten, having to concentrate on breathing as Luke rolls his eyes, saying, “Yeah Jack said he ran into you with another guy or something a while ago.”

He shrugs, cheeks flushing slightly as he mumbles, “That I needed to get my shit together before I lost you-- but you’re here now. So he must have been mistaken.”

“I- no. I did run into Jack. Remember I texted you,” he says, knowing he can’t hide this from Luke -- can’t let him believe he was never with someone else.

Claire must sense that this isn’t headed anywhere good, she clears her throat softly, backing out of the room as she says, “Be kind to each other, boys. Good to see you, Cal.”

Luke says very slowly, almost as if the words are painful, “Calum, was Jack right?”

“No!,” he says, louder than he means to, already feeling like he’s losing control of things. “No, I wasn’t in a new relationship.”

Luke nod slowly, eyes sharpening as he asks, “Were you with someone else?”

“I was with a friend,” he says and that’s not a lie. Liam is a friend -- he’s someone who let him feel something else when all he could think about was how much pain Luke caused, someone who never had any questions or any resentment when Calum ran away, just a warm smile and a soft _Take care of yourself, Calum_. But that’s not what Luke needs to hear and it’s not what he’s asking, either.

Luke’s nostrils flare and his cheeks burn an angry red. “Were you fucking that friend?”

Calum knows at some point he’s going to have to work on laughing in the face of awkward situations, but right now that’s all he can do-- all he wants to do-- because this is ridiculous.

“Might’ve.”

The color drains from Luke’s face, asking slowly, “Might’ve? What does that mean?”

_Be kind to each other_ , Claire said. _Be kind to each other_ , he says over and over again as he tries to think of a way to answer. But then he remembers Luke leaving him, remembers how he didn’t talk to him for over a month, how he texted him _Miss you_ and not another word after Calum opened the door for him again, and then all Calum wants to do is hurt him, saying cooly, “Might’ve been fucking him. He might’ve been fucking me. Does it matter? You didn’t want me, remember?”

“Is that what you came here for? To rub it in my face that you’ve been fooling around when I’ve been trying to --”

“Trying to what, Luke? Trying to figure out how to get me back in bed with you after fucking me over? Trying to figure out how I could be something to come home to after you’ve gone around fucking around on tour? What have you been trying to do? Because the last time I checked you weren’t fucking trying to talk things out with me.”

“I’m not the one fucking around. Don’t turn it around on me,” Luke sneers and Calum feels a brief pang of regret before ploughing on, voice rising against his will, “I _told_ you I wasn’t going to wait for you.”

“I thought you were bluffing!”

“I was bluffing, you fucking asshole. I was bluffing. I waited for you for so long and you never even called me. Never even texted me other than _two words_ that sent me right back to where I was. Pining over you when you never even cared to call.”

“I did care. I _do_ care.”

“You have the funniest way of showing it, then,” he laughs and Luke’s shoulders tighten, huffing out angrily, “Yeah, what about you? Pining while fucking other people. That makes a lot of fucking sense.”

“One person. It was _one_ person. I wasn’t just getting my dick out for everyone.”

“Yeah,” he snaps and Calum wants to take it all back -- wants to rewind time and never see him look this upset again, feeling like he’s just been slapped when Luke finishes, “But you were doing that when all I asked for was time. I just needed a little bit of time.”

“I thought we were over,” he says, needing Luke to understand, “I thought you didn’t want me anymore.”

“I told you it was never like that. I told you all I needed was some fucking time to figure it all out. I could have loved you but that obviously never mattered to you.”

Calum feels cold, voice caught in his throat as Luke looks back at him, face twisted up in anger and Calum needs to leave. Needs to get out of this room and on a plane and home to Michael where he can forget this ever happened. But he can’t move, can’t look away from Luke, can’t stop himself from saying, “Go to hell, Luke.”

He feels so much anger and disappointment at himself for loving someone who only could have loved him back -- never did -- that he doesn’t care how hurt Luke looks at his words, he can’t stop now that he’s started, “I never thought I’d hate you this much, either. But look where I am. So no, you don’t get to say shit like that to me when I lo - when I ca- _when I feel like this._ So just go to hell.”

He walks out before Luke can say anything else, heads for the bathrooms down the hall and locks himself in the room. He tells himself he’ll wait until the show starts and then slip away unnoticed but then the music’s starting and he can hear a muffled version of Luke’s voice coming from the stage and all he wants to do is see him -- all he wants to do is watch him in his element again -- just wants to see him on stage doing what he loves.

But watching Luke on stage is an even bigger mistake than coming to London in the first place because Luke’s got a fire in his eyes and an anger in his voice that Calum knows he’s responsible for. Ashton watches the show with him from the side of the stage and he can feel the way Ashton spends most of his time watching his face but he never says anything -- just watches Luke and tries not to think about how he just ruined any chance of them getting back together.

He’s forced to think about it when Luke stops abruptly after one of his songs, laughing harshly into the mic, saying, “You know, usually this is where I play that cover of _Give Me Love_ but it’s the last night of the tour and London, you’ve been so good to me the last two nights, why don’t we switch it up a bit.”

He looks over at Ashton, smiling mischievously, face dropping for a second when he sees Calum next to him. He turns back to the crowd, saying, “This one goes out to a friend of mine. I think it’s fitting.”

Calum’s heart speeds up and slows down what feels like ten different times between the time it takes Marty, Claire, and Ryan to look at each other in confusion --apparently just as lost about what song Luke’s about to start -- and for Luke to nearly sneer into his mic, “Is it still me that makes you sweat?”

“Calum,” Ashton says softly, asking after a beat when Calum don’t answer, “Calum, what is this about?”

But Calum can’t answer. His throat is dry and his tongue feels too large in his mouth and all he can pay attention to is how angry Luke looks in the bright stage lights -- how mean he sounds as he says, “Sweetie, you had me.” Can’t hear past how Luke laughs bitterly around, “Did you really think I’d let you kill this chorus.” Can’t see past the broken look on his face and how choked up he sounds when he turns to look at Calum briefly before singing a second time, “See, you had me,” and how Calum’s sure that he’s abbreviating his name the only way he can -- that he’s making sure he knows this is just for him.

Ashton pulls him away as Luke’s singing the last lines, his fingers are warm and steadying against his wrist as he guides him into the dressing room and Calum tries not to feel anything at all when Ashton asks, “What the _fuck_ did you do to him?”

“Slept with another boy,” he laughs and Ashton’s face falls.

“He broke up with me,” he sighs, wanting someone at least to understand, “and then I -- I don’t know. Doesn’t matter. Doesn’t fucking matter. Did you see him? He hates me. And I fucking hate him. So it doesn’t fucking matter. I should have never come here.”

“He doesn’t hate you,” Ashton says calmly and it just makes Calum angrier, gesturing wildly in the direction of the stage, “Did we not just watch the same thing here, Ash? Pretty sure he wasn’t doing that out of love!”

“He does love you.”

“Don’t,” Calum snaps and Ashton finally drops his hand, finally let’s him fall back on the couch and tuck his knees against his chest and curl in on himself like he’s needed to since him and Luke started talking.

“Don’t say he loves me when he literally just told me that he _could have_ loved me. As in ‘I didn't and you ruined your chances for it by fucking someone else.’ So please Ashton, please don’t get my hopes up anymore. I’m tired.”

“No,” Ashton insists. “No, I know he loves you. What the fuck is happening here?”

“I told you! I slept with someone else and he’s pissed off. What isn’t making sense?”  
“How you two ended up like this. I don’t even know why you broke up. He’s not been talking much since we’ve been here. I thought - I don’t know. I thought you two could work it out.”

Calum laughs because it’s the only thing he feels like he can do, saying, “I should have given him more time. He needed more time to figure out how to be with me while people were talking and I didn’t want to wait. That’s how we ended up here.”

“You’re both fucking each other up.”

He sounds angry and disappointed and Calum feels awful because he’s never seen Ashton like this, saying quietly, apologetically, “I know. But I think it’s unfixable at this point. I’m sorry, for what it’s worth.”

“Sorry for what?”

“For upsetting him,” he admits softly. He buries his face in his hands and mumbles frustratedly, “God, I can’t even turn it off after he does that. Can’t stop caring even when he tells me he never loved me.”

“He do--”

“Don’t placate me. I’m a big boy, alright. Anyway, he’s gonna need you. I’ve got Michael. He’ll take care of me. You take care of Luke.”

“So you’re just giving up?”

“Yeah, think so,” he says and really hopes he means it. Hopes he can walk out of this venue and into the hotel and fly back home and forget that Luke Hemmings ever happened to him.

*

Ashton lets him stay with him that night and he doesn’t have to see Luke again until the airport and even then they don’t really talk. Claire sits with him, tucks her head on his shoulder and says, “Oh, Cal. We’re gonna get through this. You see, I know a thing or two about a thing or two and I just know you two are meant to be.”

Calum wraps his arm around her and pulls her in closer, sighing, “That’s nice, Clairebear. But I just don’t think this is one of the things you know a thing or two about.”

He can feel the way she pouts against him. laughing, “You just wait, Cal. You just wait.”

She stays like that with him until Luke comes over, asking very cautiously, “Calum, can I talk to you for a minute?” and then she squeezes his waist, whispering as she leaves, “Listen to him, alright?”  
Luke sits next to him and Calum isn’t proud of the way he scoots away but he can’t stand to be close to him right now. Can’t stand the way his hand still itches to hold Luke’s, or the way he just wants Luke to say they can get past this.

Luke sighs and Calum can hear the tension in his voice as he says, “About last night, I’m sorry.”

“Okay.”

“Okay? That’s it?” Luke asks and he sounds frustrated and Calum laughs, trying not to sound as bitter as he feels, “Yes, that’s it. Okay.”

“I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have taken my anger out on you in such a public manner,” he says and Calum finally looks at him.

It’s almost like they’re back in Calum’s apartment, back to the summer, back to Luke coming over and breaking his heart all over again. The bags under his eyes are just as dark, his eyes are slightly red and his hair is tucked up under a beanie just like before but this time it’s one of Calum’s and for some reason that’s infuriating and it’s the only thing he cares about -- no longer caring about what Luke has to say.

“That’s mine,” he says, pointing at the beanie and Luke looks looks momentarily confused before catching on, smiling, “Yeah. It is.”

“Give it back.”

“What?”

“Give it back. I want it back.”

“Like, right now?”

“Yes,” he says as if it’s the most important thing that stands between him and happiness and when Luke slips it off and hands it to him, their hands brushing lightly, he knows nothing has changed at all -- he still loves him -- he just hates him a little, too.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. But about last night,” he says, biting his lip nervously, and Calum sighs, shaking his head, “No. Stop.”

“Stop what?”

“Stop talking, Lukey. I don’t wanna talk anymore.”

He places his hand next to Luke’s, thinking long and hard before taking it, squeezing it gently before letting go and getting up, “Don’t wanna talk ever again, alright.”

“Calum, don’t say that,” Luke pleads and Calum nearly breaks, nearly says he’ll take him back right then, but he’s still so angry, saying, “I need time.”

He laughs, heart beating too quickly for how resolved he feels in what he’s saying, “Isn’t that funny? That’s how we got here in the first place. But I need it.”

“We need to talk about this - somewhere that’s not the middle of an airport. Just come back to my place when we get home. We can talk - figure this all out.”

“No, there’s nothing left to figure out. I don’t ever want to see you again. And I need time to see if that’s something that’s going to last or if I’m just mad at you.”

“Okay,” he says as Calum walks away and all Calum wants is Michael. All he wants is his best friend and someone to tell him that at the end of the day this will be okay.

That’s exactly what he gets after the flight, Michael meets him outside baggage claim, takes one look at him and the way Luke’s no where near him, and says, “Oh, come on, Cal. We’ll get through this.”

Calum leans into him, let’s him steer him into the car, sighing, “Yeah, maybe.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

“No, I just wanna break things.”

“I can help with that,” Michael laughs. “Got loads of things you can break.”

*

On the way home, Michael stops at the gas station down the street from their apartment, says he just needs to get them the proper snacks for destroying things and then comes back with a stack of magazines and a handful of candy bars, saying, “What better thing to destroy than his paper face?”

“Michael.”

“Don’t Michael me. I’m in full best friend mode right now. I’m taking the wheel and all that. We’re gonna doodle on his face and make him ugly. Then we’re gonna rip these pages all to shreds and by the end of it if you don’t feel better we’ll see where to go from there.”

“Mikey, I don’t know what I’m going to do. I fucked it all up.”

Michael shakes his head sharply, “Nope. No. You didn’t. We’re gonna do this. It’s gonna make you feel better. And then we’re gonna get wasted and if you cry while you’re telling me what happened - then who cares - drunk tears are a thing.”

“I’m not going to cry, you dick,” Calum says, slapping at his arm and Michael laughs, “See, still got a little feist in you. That’s good.”

“Shut up, I hate you,” he whines, feeling small and tired-- like his emotions have finally gotten the best of him.

“Doesn’t count. You just hate everyone right now.”

“No, I only hate Luke.”

“Don’t even think that’s true, though.”

Calum laughs and he doesn’t stop until Michael stops the car, finally saying, “Yeah, but hasn’t that been the problem for the last two months? That I can’t hate him?”

“Yeah, you could simplify it down to that.”

Calum grabs some of the magazines from Michael, saying, “This is gonna be one of those things we regret in the morning, isn’t it?”

Michael pushes him toward their building, laughing, “When we have to clean it up? Yeah, absolutely.”

But he doesn’t regret it, though, not really. He wakes up with a headache and Michael’s arm slung across his waist, head nudging into his shoulder, and Calum feels at least a little bit more normal than he did when he landed -- feels like he’s not going to break down at any mention of Luke’s name.

It might have to do with the four shots of tequila they each had, or the fact that there’s pages worth of Luke’s face ripped up around his bed. But Michael stirs next to him, tightening his grip around Calum’s waist momentarily before turning over and covering his face with his hands and Calum knows it has everything to do with the way he let him whine for two hours straight without stopping him.  
Michael groans, “I always say I’m not gonna do tequila shots. I really gotta start listening to myself,” and Calum knows that with Michael, he can get through this.

*

The first day is easy; he and Michael skip class and that night they splurge and get extra toppings for pizza night. The second day is okay; he has a test on Wednesday and a paper due on Thursday to distract himself with. The third day is awful; he walks past two people on the quad talking about Luke and all he wants to do is tell them to fuck off. By the end of the week he’s itching to talk to Luke again but he knows that’s not a good idea when he still hasn’t sorted out what he wants.

The second week is easier; the need to talk to Luke slips away with each class and assignment he complete. The third week is a disaster; they go to a Halloween party and Brad from his history class last semester is there and Calum doesn’t mean to care when he overhears him talking about Luke. Calum doesn’t want to care when Brad laughs around his cup saying, “Beth wants tickets to Jingle Ball to see Luke Hemmings for her birthday, but we saw him over the summer and I just don’t think he’s worth the money.” Calum knows he shouldn’t care when the people around him start laughing about it -- knows that it’s not his place to feel defensive about him anymore. But his fists still ball and his jaw still tightens and Michael has to drag him away from the crowd, whispering over his shoulder, “Fuck that guy. Only I get to shit talk Luke, right?”

A month in, Luke starts texting him: _miss you_ , _performed a new song today_ , _australia is amazing_ , and Calum wishes it was that easy. He wishes he could text him back and say: _miss you, too_ , _bet the crowd loved it_ , _never been_ , but all he can see is Luke’s face singing _sweetie, you had me_ and he’s still so hurt. But even more, he’s just angry -- angry that Luke ever left, angry that Luke reacted the way he did, angry that Luke never loved him, angry that he can’t just swallow his pride and say, _Sorry for sleeping with Liam. Can we please just talk this out?_

Luke calls him at the end of his tour and Calum never picks up. He calls again a week later and Michael takes the phone, saying, “Hey Luke, listen to me, yeah? Let him call you. He’s not -- he doesn’t want to talk to you yet. No. I don’t know when he’ll come around - you kinda did a number on him.”

Calum tries not to listen when Michael’s voice softens as he steps out of the room with Calum’s phone, saying, “Luke, please. He’ll call you when he wants to. But right now you need to leave him alone. Time, remember? It’s fucking you two over but you just gotta roll with it.”

He comes back in the room, saying lightly, “Well, your boy sounds as dreadful as you. Gotta give him that.”

Calum laughs, throwing his hands up in the air in defeat, “Maybe I should just call him.”

Michael considers it for a moment, asking slowly, “Do you want to call him?”

“Maybe. Kind of. Yes.”

“Then call him,” Michael says and Calum wrinkles his nose, sighing, “Don’t wanna do that. I’m still mad at him.”

Michael rolls his eyes, laughing, “You make no sense. Literally none at all. Cal, what’s holding you back?”

“He doesn’t love me. That’s what’s holding me back.”

Michael narrows his eyes, sighing, “Calum Hood. I swear to god, now you’re just being ridiculous. I just talked to him! He sounds like he’s about to cry because _you_ won’t talk to him. I don’t think that’s coming from a place that’s not love.”

“Michael, he told me he didn’t love me.”

“What? No he didn’t. No.”

“He did. I mean, he said he _could have_ loved me. But that’s pretty much the same thing.”

Michael’s face turns from confusion to anger so quickly Calum’s actually taken a back, saying, “It’s not a big deal. We’re just not on the same page - that’s why I haven’t called him back.”

“No. It is a big deal. What the fuck does that even mean? Who says shit like that? Why didn’t you tell me he said that?”

“Because I knew you’d react like this and it’s not a big deal. I don’t want it to be a big deal.”

“It is a big deal! Did you know - you know that song he texted you about a while ago? That’s about you and he’s got some nerve writing a song like that when he’s telling you shit like that. Honestly, fuck him.”

“What?”

“That song, Calum! The _Fool’s Gold_ one. The one he’s been performing at his shows. It’s about you. I swear to god, I’m gonna kill him.”

He pulls out his phone and Calum feels the nerves that finally started to settle in the last week flare up again, saying slowly, “No. No. He wouldn’t. No.”

He thrusts his phone in Calum’s face, sighing as he starts playing a video of Luke singing, saying, “He did, Cal. He did.”

Calum doesn’t know if he breathes the entire time he watches the video. His heart feels tight and his tongue heavy as he watches Luke’s face twist up in pain, singing, “And yeah I’ve let you use me from the day we first met.” His stomach twists uncomfortably and his hands start to shake as he hears, “And I knew that you’d turn it on for everyone you met,” and he pushes the phone away, anger creeping up again, “I don’t wanna listen to this anymore. Stop it.”

He turns to Michael, snapping, “How long did you know about this?”

“I don’t know. A week? Two, maybe. Ashton texted me about it.”

“Ashton texted you about it? Ashton texted you about it. Have you all just been laughing about me behind my back? Just ‘Oh, look at Cal. Fucked up over someone who’s never gonna care.’ Texting each other about how Luke thinks I’m fake - that I used him. Great.”

“You know I’d never.”

“I don’t know anything anymore. I thought you’d tell me. You’re supposed to be my best friend.”

Michael scoffs, “I am your best friend! Don’t go forgetting that because some asshole wrote a shitty song about you.”

“It’s not a shitty song,” he pouts, leaning back against the wall and sighing, “At least it sounds pretty.”

“At least it sounds pretty? Jesus Christ. No. We’re not doing this anymore. _No_. I am not going to sit here and watch you pine over him anymore. You are either going to work it out with him because you obviously still care about him. Or you’re gonna let me call him a jackass and an awful lyricist and be done with it. Because I refuse to go home for the holidays and have to answer to your mother about why you’re pouting like a small child all day. No.”

Calum laughs begrudgingly, fondness washing over him at how insistent and worked up Michael is, asking, “Weren’t you just saying you were gonna kill him?”

Michael smiles, patting his arm, “And I might still, if he doesn’t grovel at your feet and make it worth your time. But you love the idiot and I love you.”

He shrugs, laughing, “So if you wanna get him back I’m gonna help you.”

Calum leans against Michael's shoulder, sighing, “What would I do without you, Mikey?”

“You’d be miserable. Honestly. You probably wouldn't have showered in the last two weeks. You’d never have any dishes. You’d live off of pizza. I dunno, I can keep going if you’d like.”

Calum slaps Michael’s leg, getting up, saying, “No. I think you’ve made your point. Can I have my phone back?”

“Are you calling him?”

“Only to tell him I’m coming over.”

Michael hands it over, saying softly, “You have every right to be mad at him. Don’t go over there and forget that just because he’s pretty.”

“I’m not going to,” Calum says firmly and he thinks he means it. He knows that this time they actually have to talk. That he wants Luke but not if they can’t talk about their problems -- that if they don’t work past this today then it’s just not worth it anymore.

*

Michael drives him to Luke’s place, says, “I’ll be at Ash’s. So like, a floor above you. Call if you need me,” and Calum balks, saying, “I can’t do this.”

“Okay, we’ll go home then, “ Michael says and that just makes Calum angry, “Stop babying me!”

“I’m not babying you. I’m trying to be fucking supportive.”

“What if he hates me? What if he won’t believe that I love him when I slept with Liam?”

“If that happens then he’s an idiot and I’ll have to tell Ashton to punch him for me because I’ll never wanna see his face again.”

“Ashton would never,” Calum laughs and Michael shrugs, smiling, “Dunno, I can be persuasive.”

“Michael.”

“Calum.”

“What if he doesn’t even let me in?”

“Out of all the things you’re worried about that is absolutely the most ridiculous. He knows you’re coming! He said okay! You’re just psyching yourself out.”

“Because I’m nervous,” he admits and Michael opens his door, calling from outside the car, “Yeah, but that’s normal.”

Calum gets out begrudgingly, setting his shoulders and saying, “Okay. Fine. I’m doing this.”

Michael pushes him toward Luke’s building, laughing, “There you go. Now just try not to pass out when you see him.”

Calum kicks at Michael’s leg. “You’re supposed to be supportive!”

“I am being supportive! Now go get your boy back.”

When Calum doesn’t move, Michael whispers, “It’s gonna work out. Promise,” and the tension in Calum’s shoulders eases just the slightest bit and he feels like he can do this.

*

He paces outside Luke’s door for far too long before he finally knocks. It takes Luke so long to open the door that Calum starts to believe he really isn’t going to answer but then the door’s opening and Luke’s smiling back at him and Calum tries not to kiss him right then, saying, “We need to talk.”

“I know.”

“Are you going to let me in?”

“Are you going to yell at me?”

“Probably. I mean, I’ll try not to but I’m very angry with you.”

Luke nods once, moving over to let Calum walk inside, saying softly, “Understandable.”

Seeing Luke stand in his own apartment looking out of place and upset sends Calum’s mind in a tailspin. He wants to say _I missed you, you idiot_ , wants to say, _don’t ever leave me like that again_ , wants to say, _I’m sorry about Liam_ , wants to say so many things to wipe that tired look off his face but all he can hear is Luke’s voice singing _Fool’s Gold_ and the only thing that comes out is, “When you texted me about performing a new song you never said it was about me.”

“You heard that?”

“Obviously.”

“Did you like it?”

“Are you being serious right now?” he says angrily and Luke’s smiles falters as Calum says, “Stop fucking with me, Luke. How could you - I was never fake with you! I never _turned it on for anyone else_.”

Luke sucks in sharp breath, snapping, “You did sleep with someone else! It’s not off base.”

“That’s not fair.”

Luke scratches at his hair, looking just as angry as Calum feels, “How’s that not fair? I just needed some time, Calum! And you couldn’t wait! Like, do you even care about me? Because that’s a really fucked up way of showing it.”

“That’s not fair! That’s not fair at all. I waited for you. I waited for you for so long and you never even called me. You didn’t even send me a text telling me you got to fucking Europe alright. You just turned it off. You just left and never even thought twice about me, did you?”

“Now you’re not being fair! I was just trying to get my head together. Just trying to figure out how to do this. I’ve never felt like this before, Calum! I don’t know how to do this. Do you know how hard it is to watch people talk about you just for being with me?”

“It’s a two way street! You’re not the only one who doesn’t know how to do this. Do you know how fucking hard it is to never see you? To want you so bad when you never even loved me? It’s terrifying, Luke. It’s fucking terrifying because I want you - I want this. I want stupid late night conversations with you after your shows. I want holing up in hotels when you bring me on tour. I want skype sex when you’re gone. I want to bring you home to my mom and tell her ‘this is the boy I’m always texting.’ I want it all! And it’s literally so ridiculous because you’re famous and I’m just me and all I can hear when I look at your fucking face now is ‘I could have loved you’ and how I _do_ love you. I do love you. And it doesn’t even matter because you think I’m fake.”

“You love me?”

“Of course I fucking love you. Did you not hear anything I just said?”

“I did,” Luke says softly, walking forward and Calum freezes as he closes the gap between the two of them slightly, saying softly, “I don’t think you’re fake.”

“You wrote a song about my _fool’s gold_! That’s fake,” he says and Luke smiles more, insistent, “But I don’t think -- I mean I was worried that maybe after you slept with --”

“Liam,” Calum supplies. “His name was Liam.”

Luke wrinkles his nose and Calum’s stomach twists fondly at how cute he looks as he pouts. “His name isn’t important! I was worried after _Liam_ that you didn’t care about me. I had to channel it into something! You weren’t talking to me.”

“Because you dedicated that song to me. Because you said you _could have loved me_. Because you made me fall in love with you and then left me.”

“I’m sorry,” he says sadly. Then he smiles softly, eyes determined, saying adamantly, “I’m sorry I needed time. I’m sorry I sang that song. I’m sorry I wrote a song about you instead of just calling you. I’m sorry I was too scared to just tell you I loved you when you came to London. I’m sorry, Calum. I really am.”

“Don’t tell me you love me if you don’t mean it. Don’t you dare.”

Luke touches at his hip, smile small and shy, “I wouldn't do that. I hope you can still believe that. That I wouldn’t - that I didn’t mean to hurt you. That I’m sorry. That I _do_ love you. I was just scared.”

Calum pushes at his chest lightly, anger gone, replaced with an overwhelming fondness, “You had nothing to be scared about.”

Luke shrugs, laughing, “You make me nervous.”

Calum rolls his eyes, patting his cheek lightly, teasing, “We’ve gotta work on that, then.”

He closes the gap between them completely, kissing his cheek, laughing, “Does this make you nervous?”

Luke sighs at the touch, shaking his head softly and Calum kisses his jaw, dips down and kisses at his neck, comes back up and kisses his other cheek, laughing again, “How about all this?”

Luke laughs and the sound is so nice after all this time that Calum knows he’s going to spend the rest of the year -- and probably into the next -- trying to make him laugh just to make up for lost time.

“No,” Luke pouts, rolling his eyes, “Now will you just kiss me already?”

Calum bites his lip, trying not to smile, saying as seriously as he can, “I don’t know, Lukey. I think we’re working on a really nice streak here. Why go and ruin it?”

“Calum,” Luke whines and Calum’s smile breaks through, laughing, “Glad to see you’re still cute when you’re needy.”

Luke scoffs right as Calum presses their lips together and it transforms into a soft sigh as Calum licks into his mouth. Luke pulls him closer, hands tight against his hips now, and Calum feels just as desperate as he had the last time they were doing this. But this time it’s different. This time it’s because Luke’s fingers are slow and careful as he undresses him, hands steady as he leads him back to his room, mouth soft and timid as he kisses him and Calum wants more.

He growls, “Luke, you don’t have to be so careful with me.”

“I’m not--”

Calum pulls him forward, kissing him hard and fast, biting at his bottom lip rougher than usual. “This is us. You don’t have to treat me like I’m fragile. I’m not going anywhere. You have me.”

Luke nods his head, short and quick, before kissing Calum again, mumbling against his mouth, “Good. Never wanna lose you again,” before trailing kisses down his chest, scraping his teeth over Calum’s skin as he goes down. Things move fast after that. Luke’s fingers are firm against his thighs, fingernails digging in slightly as he sucks hard at the head of his cock, eyes smug and dark as he looks up at Calum, smiling around him as Calum bucks up into his mouth when they make eye contact.

He works him open and kisses him firm on the mouth before pushing in and Calum’s overwhelmed by how good Luke looks, how much he makes him feel. How much affection he feels for Luke when they’re lying there panting and spent, mouths red and skin flushed, saying, “Make up sex is exhausting, let’s never have to do it again.”

Calum groans, “You’re so fucking ridiculous,” and Luke smiles back at him, eyes crinkling and nose scrunching up with it and Calum can’t help but laugh because Luke _is_ ridiculous. He sometimes says things at the wrong time, he laughs too loud when things aren’t that funny, he blushes too easily, he gets water all over the bathroom when he showers and he makes Calum feel like his face is going to be constantly stuck in some form of exasperated endearment for the rest of his life -- but Calum loves him for all of it and knows he wouldn’t want him any other way.


End file.
